Jordan Peterson - Why Fighting is Necessary in Relationships

Psychology Professor Dr. Jordan B. Peterson explains how fights in relationships can not only be healthy but absolutely essential for the relationship.

Dr. Peterson's new book is available for pre-order:

If you want to support Dr. Peterson, here is his Patreon:

Check out Jordan Peterson's Self Authoring Program, a powerful tool to sort yourself out:

[englishovals]

A good fight shows that people respect themselves. Settling the issue shows they respect each other.

[uppercutgrandma]

after watching this, I immediately called my wife's lazy and overbearing. Phew, our relationship ratio is in balance again!

[katherinekelly]

Sometimes people fight out of simple boredom. They want the stimulation of a fight. They may also do this if they feel ignored or taken for granted. The fight is a way of testing the person to see if they care (value) the other person and also helping the mind escape boredom. We live in a time when people are constantly stimulated, leaving them sensitive to withdrawal symptoms experienced as emptiness and boredom. This is one reason many people seek out drama in relationships. The intersection of needing to feel valued (especially when they feel worthless) and the need for stimulation.

[downbntout]

Issues arise. That's a given. Good fighting preserves the love in the relationship. Attack the issue, not the person.

[plutonium]

'a real relationship is a wrestling match, a grappling phenomena, that you both emerge transformed from.'

[ericstewart]

My recommended dose of Daddy Peterson knowledge. He teaches me things, treats me right, makes me feels thing I didn't know I could feel. Helps me realize my limitations, and pushes me past them.
He rewards me by filling me with his knowledge, but only if I'm good, only if I'm willing to listen.

[John-ihgp]

now I need to find a wife who wants to fight

[gren]

I think it is more about relationships where someone is not happy with something and doesnt speaks up

[michaelwilliamson]

"Periods of peace punctuated by a good fight." Thanks Dr. Peterson.

[kmstirpitz]

While he did say that fighting is good, that doesn't mean as soon as you're done watching the video, you randomly begin to fight with your partner.

[biddydibdab]

He put into words why I broke up with a man who never said “no” to me, never disagreed with me, loved me unconditionally and worshipped the ground I walked on. I’m ashamed to admit that I treated him badly, first trying to get a rise out of him and eventually dumping him in a cruel way (while hoping he’d tighten the reins on me). Though I now understand why I acted that way, thirty-five years later I still think of him longingly when I fight with my partner of thirty years.

[szotakandrei]

Got it.

"Honey, pick up those MMA gloves. It's time for sparring . "

[justsnappy]

Channeling Mr. Rogers with that sweater!

[kcable]

Man it depends on the relationship
Me and my wife have been together for 17 years and we hardly ever fight. We talk and have it out but no fighting!!, screaming and shouting and what not.

[hystoryan]

Everyone I know including myself who are in good healthy relationships barely fight with their SO. What you need in a relationship is communication not to be mad at each other.

[aanabs]

Depends on the issue and how things resolute. Its actually annoying to have a family that debates over everything but never actually resolute things bc they don't wanna hear and understand other's arguments. B4 knowing the benefits of debates, people should learn how to listen and have a logical, structural thinking.

[raymond]

what a marvelous video clip. this is priceless wisdom. thank you for posting.

[Elusive_Pete]

Disagreeing and discussion is necessary. Fighting is not necessary. It happens and sometimes may be for the best, but it should be marked as a last resort, not as a regular and healthy occurrence.

[georgechristiansen]

I love that he is saying this in his Mr. Rogers sweater.

[basicbase]

"periods of peace punctuated by good fight" Okayyy!