Jordan Peterson on Arguing with his Wife

Jordan Peterson, emeritus psychology professor from the University of Toronto, shares a story about arguing with his wife, Tammy Peterson. He gives advice what one can learn from this episode for ones own relationship and how to solve conflicts.

#Peterson #Relationship

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[Erowid]

"it's not me vs you, it's us vs the problem"

[cmojo]

...because, the opposite of love, is not hate ...it's indifference.

[PneumaticTube]

It’s tough, though, when your spouse doesn’t equally exercise admitting to her problems. I feel like my wife doesn’t understand that this is an exercise that both must do in order to arrive at the same even ground. Unfortunately, what ends up happening is that the “admitter, ” performing acts of honesty, constantly puts themself out there as the one to always blame. While the other person rarely takes ownership of their issues, but rather feels like they were wronged again by this person who is always admitting to their flaws.

[shyama]

Arguments signal openness, being authentic and expressive. Of course you can and should do it as politely as possible - with the realization that we are all wrong most of the time.

[Freedom_and_Acceptance]

I just ended a friendship that felt like it was choking me. This was the second time that we tried to be friends after some changes. I've always wanted to clear the air and heal, admit how I really feel and move on from there. But there was so little space for this that I eventually stepped away again. I'm glad, this friendship clearly wasn't healthy for me.

[kuakilyissombroguwi]

Goes without saying this doesn't work at all if only one person's doing the introspection and bridge building, which I've found happens more often than you think.

If you ever find yourself in a relationship with someone unwilling to resolve conflict, it's probably best to walk away. Don't think you can "fix them".

[Longtack]

I'd hear him say: "Tammy honey, it depends on how I define "us."

[irenasmart]

.... Dr Peterson ❤ wants people to make their own relationships run smoothly....citing his own life's experiences with his wife.... It's lovely to see this delightful guy share his own 'fights' as an example....which makes us all feel less bad about the 'bickering rubbish' we all use at times.... 😁

[rileycgraham]

a relationship holds a mutual contribution from both parties. the relationship will go according to what someone expresses and contributes. so make it mean something

[cduc]

I'm really struggling to get this point across to my partner - in a normal world there will be fights, there will be things that drive both of us mental, and because we're human we'll sometimes react in a way that is not appropriate. When we come to a fight she sees it as everything falling apart, whereas I see it as a part of existing, especially when there's challenges, and things we do that annoy the other one. When I have acted out of proportion I either explain what drove me to it, or I apologise; the issue is that she most of the times thinks that I have generated the whole situation, instead of seeing her part in it, especially if it's a repeat of a similar situation from the past. Both need to be equal in owning up to their own actions and be ready to admit their fault, otherwise it's pointless, one side caves in, and resentment arises.

[Bread_]

The trouble with admitting the 5% mistake as an olive branch, is that they may not reciprocate. They may take this small offering as an admission of guilt and therefore they win the argument or demand a hefty compromise in their direction.

They're right: you apologise and they get their way.
They're wrong: you apologise with a 5% offering, and they still mostly get their way.

[flea]

41 years with my lovely wife, we realised years ago that arguments were a waste of both our energy. Unless one of you is going to pack a bag and leave there is no point. If we start to squabble now we immediately go to separate rooms and then after an hour the person nearest the kettle offers the other a cup of tea as an olive branch. Then we continue as if the spat never happened.

[jenniferespiritu]

When you argue in a right way of reasoning Professor, sometimes there you still sees the worth or meaning of your relationship after when you argue and you reconcile, i guess thats what love is for bless Professor Jordan Peterson, your family is your wealth take care :)

[cindynelson]

He looks Healthier NOW compared to when ever this was recorded?!!

[verge]

Arguing with someone who holds a different view of reality is like... arguing with someone who has a different view of reality. Good luck with that.

[Mike_Lennox]

Jordan and Tammy have very dense shadows, which means they are mostly unconscious of the reasons and interpretations that are using and running their behaviors and moods.

In contrast, people that have developed the skill of bringing unconscious interpretations and reasons into consciousness can respond directly and consciously to human concerns. And they are not attached and dependent on any particular patterns of behavior for a pretense of stability-- so they can create patterns and circumstances that are innately workable, cooperative, and result-oriented (as opposed to preoccupied with keeping reasons, interpretations, and experiences hidden in a shadow ).

[jackharle]

yeah, it's never their fault (look at the parents of the person you are dating)

[canemcave]

so you apologize first, men are always there apologizing, about what is not clear but that works he says

[Victor-ocvm]

Very interesting I like that……., .. now let’s go to the comment section and see what all the other “experts“ have to say

[tname]

That "conversation" doesn't happen when you're married to a covert narcissist