Friendship Breakups: Why They Happen & How To Survive Them

Breaking up with a friend is hard to do. Yet, these breakups never get as much focus as romantic ones do. As a result, many of us do not know how to navigate them and may feel extremely guilty and/or alone when we go through this. In this video, I discuss my most devastating friendship breakup, why it happened and how I survived it.

0:00 Intro (Joshua Tree Recap)
02:44 Care/of
04:22 Friendship Breakups Can Hit Hard
07:18 The Age Friendship Breakups Happen Most Often
08:06 My Friendship Breakup Story
11:48 How I Survived It (Grieving Process Explained)
16:25 How I Survived It (Getting Closure)
19:49 How I Survived It (Becoming a Better Friend)
22:18 How I Survived It (Moving on to New Friendships)
24:41 Biggest Takeaway (People Separate bc Their Journey Together is Over)

Articles Mentioned:

[mliyahc]

i think one of the hardest things after a friendship breakup for me at least is making new friends and not knowing where to meet “your people”. because of this i’ve ended up going back to old friendships and having to realize all over again why those friendships ended.

[AliciaAmbrosia]

I’ve lost so many friendships… I’m terrified of getting close to anyone.

[taybee]

I think what is so hard about friendship break ups is it’s usually not a conversation that’s how the saying hey we’re just not gonna be friends anymore. It’s usually either you stop reaching out to them or they stop reaching out to you and the communication just kind of dies from there and it’s understood.

[ForMySoulSistas]

I'm so glad Steph talks about that because we often only focus on romantic breakups! I'm 31, I've lost friends over the years and I feel like these breakups are more hurtful than the romantic ones. My tips to avoid that :
- Understanding that things and people change (marriage, job, relocation..)
- Accepting that sometimes it just doesn't work anymore
- Accepting to let people go
- Knowing that real friends are RARE (it's okay to have only 2 real friends)
- Understanding that some friendships are meant to be seasonal
- Learning to be alone and not accepting to be taken for granted
- Analyzing very early on what is the depth of the relationship (BFF, friend, buddy, acquaintance?) to avoid putting expectations on people (especially when they are unaware of and unwilling to meet them) and then being disappointed
- Learning to withdraw yourself from toxic/unfulfilling relationships
- For believers: making Jesus your best friend!

[kobbimbimu]

I had a 'friend' who called me ugly in front of her new boyfriend. I never talked to her again and her boyfriend ghosted her. I felt relief and grief at the same time. She was really pretty and felt that she could get away with treating people terribly and using them. When I look back, am amazed by how much I put up with.

[GiveHerFlowers]

Such an interesting topic! Friendship break ups definitely can feel like a death. It’s like your chosen family has died.

[tmichelle]

I’ve finally started grieving the loss of my former best friend after not speaking for almost a year. I didn’t even realize I was grieving until I started having dreams about her. We have mutual friends but we don’t show up to the same events anymore.

There are still times when I get sad about it but once I evaluated the friendship, I realized I was more of a friend to her than she was to me.

So now I’m down to about 2 close friends & I’m ok with that.

[kyliCatherine]

Hey Steph, if you would please consider adding sound effects to your pop-up texts on your videos, it would be really helpful! Some of us listen to your videos more like a podcast, and unfortunately end up missing a lot of the pop-ups! Truly enjoy your videos otherwise! 💜

[jaymsleedan]

Had a health scare in my family and that’s when I realized that my “friends” were nothing but acquaintances. It was easy to get over once I threw myself into my career.

[inhabitantofearth]

I lost what I thought was a friend. We just clicked. She was a great conversationalist, and so funny., but she was also insecure and toxic. I never felt that much chemistry with any of my friends in the past though. When it ended, I was hurt but I didn't try to repair it because I knew she needed help that was out of my control. She needed to seek some healing and she would not have been good for my mental/emotional health. All the drama she created with other people was draining because I would be put in the middle of it, or have to listen to it, and it was constant. And there were things she would do and say that show/told me she was not really my friend, But I still miss talking to her and our chemistry, ironically. I've learned that I need to choose more wisely who I surround myself with so, now I'm pickier than ever because I want permanent people in my life...a tight knit small circle.

[Maddidee]

I walked away from a friendship that had become toxic many years ago. The friend reached out last year and we met up. Surprise surprise 🙄 she was the exact same person. I sat there wondering when we'd be done eating so I can leave. I believe some breakups are for good reason and should stay that way.

[Mar-flcx]

The best way not to overwhelm friends is just to go to therapy and deal with the emotional issues there. The worst thing is when a friend is using you as a therapist. That always leads to toxicity.

[MeganJaneFazakerley]

I went through a friendship breakup last year and it still haunts me. After 10+ years of close friendship without so much as an argument she unleashed on me. Accused me of terrible things I never did and never would do. Emotionally, it was brutal. The thing that hurts the most is that I would NEVER have done that to her. The hardest lesson for me to learn is that “you can’t expect YOU from other people”.

[keabokan]

I lost my two best friends on the same day. I had known one for 16 years and another for 11. From my childhood, and entire adult life. I cant even describe my emotions. I was relieved, angry, and kind of sad. The only time I cried was when I realized how much I had given in those relationships. So moving forward, I decided to step back a bit in my other friendships, stop reaching out to people (it was a habit of mine to always check up on others, but I realized, it takes two to tango). My "friend group" grew even smaller after that. No one was checking up on me. I was so relieved. The few people who kept in touch with me, we are closer than ever! Lesson learned! I am in a much better place now.

[Sososunnyyyyyy]

Codependency is another term that the internet has destroyed. There's absolutely nothing wrong with being attached to your friends. Codependency is a term that was initially used to describe families with drug addicted family members who participated in the addiction. You loving your friends is not codependent, it's love.

[Affectionately-Jayee]

I've recently lost a best friend. I was noticing that I was putting a lot of effort into the relationship and she wasn't. If I'm to be honest, there were red flags, but I ignored them. I chucked it up to "thats just her". The red flags didnt seem big enough, but as I got older, they definitely grew in size. Now I cant ignore them to the point where I had to choose to let her go. We haven't spoken in months. The last conversation we had was over texts. I brought up a problem I had with her and she decided to leave my message unread (we have read receipts on). To this day, my message is still unread. Which is crazy because that is the problem I brought up to her! I blocked her on social media a few months back because the algorithm definitely knew she was my best friend. She would be the first person I saw on each social site. I couldnt watch her live her life while I'm over here sad that she wont respond to me. Once it was out of sight, it wasnt on my mind as much. Im slowly becoming OK with it. Though I miss her or what I thought I had with her, I choose myself.

[shakeykirkir]

I’m definitely going through this right now. I realized that my college friends wouldn’t pay attention to my interests or the things I say/like, things I plan to do like activities or for my appearance, compliment me when I post a picture/video on the group chat, etc. However, when it’s one of them (especially a specific one), there’s compliments and interest and love shown. They only show interest in what I have to say if it’s drama with my bf (I’ve learned not to tell them or anyone anything anymore because they’re VERY hypocritical. Mind you, they’re single but have…situations…?). They’re also very toxic and think toxicity is cute. Earlier in the year, I literally had to cut off a majority of my high school friends because I felt excluded, was ghosted by a work friend, and now here I am again. I’m so heartbroken and I don’t know if something is wrong with me or what. I already have a hard time making friends. I’m very hurt and near tears, but I deserve better friends. I’m not accepting mistreatment and the bare minimum.

[greenbyrd]

This is definitely an important topic to explore. I had a good friend in high school. We went to each other's birthday/graduation parties etc. She was in my wedding and was my son's Godmother. A few years after my son was born, she met her husband and they moved out of state, stopped all contact and did not respond to any contact from me. Never did figure out what happened. There had been no arguments or heated conversations between us. Over time, I decided that maybe she wanted to cut all ties to her past because she had been unhappy. Her father was an alcoholic and her family struggled financially. I think that once she got married, she wanted to create her own happy, successful life, and it seems that's what she did. This may not be the correct reason, but it is my own way of making sense out of the situation. In any case, she died last year so now I'll never really know why she made the decision to end the friendship. I did find peace in hearing that she found happiness in her adult life.

[SimpleeKomplex]

I lost my best friend around the same time. This may sound weird but I still can smell her scent. That's how close we were. Mistakes were made by both parties and I wholeheartedly believe that if we could turn back the hands of time, we wouldn't repeat those mistakes. BTW, your hair and makeup are so flattering in this video. Your face is perfect for a bob.

[evaphillips]

I just about stopped believing in friends after my breakups. I thought I’d die.