FRIENDSHIP BREAKUPS: Why some friends aren't forever

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Today, I discuss friendship breakups: what causes them, the effects, what the research says about them, and my own personal experiences.

Intro music: Church of 8 Wheels by Otis McDonald
Outro music: Lensko Let’s Go

Time Stamps:
0:00 Intro
1:00 You are not alone
4:25 Why friendships end
6:44 How friendships end
12:19 Effects of friend breakups
15:09 Can you come back from it?
17:11 Conclusions

References:

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Sometimes it becomes apparent that someone doesn't respect you and you just need to walk away.

lyndsaybrown
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"The older you get, the more you realize it's not about who knows you the longest, it's about who makes you feel seen, heard, understood, appreciated, supported and loved." It's been painful reflecting over long term relationships with new found perspective of a more healed version of yourself. Like, damn. It really feels like life starts over when you let go...you really let go.

AmandaGrant-dc
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I’ve found that even in friendships some people can be emotionally unavailable

DankMcDANK
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Thank god someone is speaking about this, I had to keep pretending it was a relationship in advice seeking forums just to be taken seriously

TheViralClovers
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“yooo i was a terrible friend” is so real Dr Ana

lechonjames
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I feel like friends aren’t loyal like they used to be, and it’s much harder to make friends now nowadays. I’m unsure why this is, but in my parents’ generation, it was normal to have a core group of friends. Back then, friends showed up for you when you needed them. To say you didn’t have friends would be considered insane. Now it feels like it’s so common to hear young people saying they’re lonely or even have no friends. I’ve known multiple people who’ve planned trips, parties, or dinners with friends only for the friends to back out last minute or just not show up. That kind of thing never really happened to people my parents’ age.

I say that all to say that I recently had to break up with a friend I’d known for a few years. It was very intense and vibrant and we did things with each other that we’d never done before. We grew a lot together and were inseparable. We were like brothers. Long story short, I had to let him go because he would often have outbursts. He became increasingly emotionally abusive, unstable, unhelpful and yet he expected me to be there for him. It all got to a boiling point and I confronted him and broke up. It’s been several weeks since then and I’ve cried every single day since. I think I’m suffering from broken heart syndrome.

JohnSmith-wixo
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I'M LITERALLY GOING THROUGH A FRIENDSHIP BREAKUP RIGHT NOW, YOUR TIMING IS IMPECCABLE.

iftekharahmed
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The number of people I ended friendships with by simply removing them out of my life is truly embarrassing. Even with all of the things they did to me, I felt so morally at fault for simply doing that. But I realised I was putting in so much effort in a friendship that did not respect me so I needed to do this.

moonriversou
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The depression and pain I felt after my best friend broke up with me was the most profound I have ever felt. Since then I have tried as much as I can to become a better person. She doesn't want to resume friendship and it took me a long time to accept that, but all the learning, work and changes I have been doing is worth it. It led me to better understanding my own behaviors and reactions. It is still taking me a long time to really grow into the kind of person I want to be.

babaganouche
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I’ve had so many friendship breakups that I have no more friends to breakup with.

CodeDusq
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THANK GOD THANK GOD!!! Someone spoke up about this. This is something which should be normalised. The topic of friendship. We all are just so invested in relationships that the content just revolves around it.
This was much needed. This is one of those topics that must be spoken of. Just how bad romantic break ups are friendship breakups are much worse for some people. Thank you!!!

Aykawaiii
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yesterday made it 1 year since i broke up with my best friend. we were friends for 7 years and during the last year of friendship she would exclude me, make jokes at my expense, and just put me down a lot with silly comments. it was hard letting her go since she talked crap about me afterwards to plenty of mutual friends who eventually either blocked me or turned against me. no one talks about the heartache that follows from not being heard and people turning against you due to gossip and for standing up for yourself.

noorabbas
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I remember in middle school when me and my best friend “broke up”, it only took two or three weeks for us to make up and we never broke up again. I don’t even remember what it was for, I just remember really missing each other. She’s been gone from this earth since June 2016, I’d give anything to have those weeks with her again.

militarychica
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Unfortunately most of the people don’t know how to be a good friend. When you realize that they are not giving anything, just break up with them.

PanGrono
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I just went through a friendship breakup and honestly I’m handling it soooo well. I really admire the person I used to be friends with and I’m just glad that I got to have her in my life at all. The pain that I’m experiencing is just so wholesome and I’m so happy that I get to navigate this. Also want to be clear that she told me she wanted to no longer be friends. I wanted to get to know her again since I didn’t know her anymore but she didn’t feel the same. It is weird not being able to text her when I want to.

happynotes
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i went through a friendship breakup with my best friend about 2 months after my grandpa died. i genuinely have more grief for the loss of my (still living) -friend- than i do my grandpa, and that alone causes so much guilt. feelings are weird. it is what it is i guess.

bhunyee
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I love that you brought up platonic abuse, literature and resources hide the fact that it can and does happen more often I feel like.

steviemerrill
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I wish people talked about this more... For some of us, friendship and partner breakups feel just as painful because we are interested in building really meaningful, close relationships in both cases.

ladyofhollows
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I'm going through a friendship breakup right now with a few friends.
I'm distancing/compartmentalizing these relationships. I don't feel understood by these friends because our values do not align and I feel like I have to mask my true self around them. They aren't bad people, but I realized that we don't actually have much in common and our friendship was only closer in high school because we saw each other often and had shared classes.
I can never be my true self around them and share my passions with them even though we've known each other for so long. To me, this was a clear sign that the friendship was not worth keeping.

tpaypay
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I had to distance myself from a friend of 20+ years because of their severe substance abuse issue. It hurts a lot to have so much history with someone but to barely be able to see the person they once were through the shadow of who they are now. Thank you for the video

ridermiv