When Dementia Tips Don't Work

Dementia caregivers often don’t realize that they way they are responding to difficult dementia behaviors like sundowning, refusing to bathe, wandering, etc. is actually making things worse and adding to more stress. In this video I share a common dementia caregiving mistake that many caregivers make. It’s important to learn how to shift your caregiving approach so when someone with dementia starts to show a difficult behavior, you’ll know exactly the best dementia caregiving approach to take. We have to stop relying so much on the generic tips and tricks and open up our minds to thinking about what the best approach is for the individual person.

🧠 To join the free dementia behavior class I reference in this video click here:

FREE Resource:

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In case you haven’t met me, my name is Natali Edmonds and I am a board certified geropsychologist. That means that I am a clinical psychologist who specializes in working with older adults. In my job, I help people with dementia, and their caregivers, by visiting them in their own homes and helping them cope through the many struggles of caring for someone with dementia. I have always wanted to help more people than is possible for me in a work day. One day, while hiking a trail, I came up with the idea for Careblazers and I decided to see if posting videos online could provide help to the many other Careblazers in the world who don’t get to have help come directly to them in their homes. I do this in my spare time. I hope that this work helps you in some way on your caregiving journey.
#careblazer #dementia #dementiacare

[ivahelf]

Every day is a New day for dementia, and the struggle begins again!

[nlh]

My God, dementia folks are great teachers, I'm not sure I am keeping up with Beth. You make me laugh so much. I'm tryin, tryin, andtryin. more... thanks for all your help. My brain is working overtime to always go with the flow of where she is in the moment. I always try to keep a lighthearted attitude and happy safe home . Mom of a 55yr old daughter with downs and dementia.

[alexmorgan]

What if you decide you cannot continue with these mental gymnastics, caring for your loved one is slowly but surely destroying your will to live. At what point do you say "Enough is enough. I can't do this any more. I'm out of here. They can go into a home?"

[Learner]

Yes, I am one of those caregivers that is in the loop of behavioral changes hoping one day, residents will be able to receive the care that they need without struggling.

[davescott]

My Mum is 91 and has had Louis Bodies now for approx 5/6 years sometimes nothing will help and my Doctor agrees i have to give her Diazepam to calm her or Zopiclone to help her sleep, knowing her outcome (unless she is lucky enough to pass away from heart attack ect) i cant see a problem with her needing them, her outcome is not nice and at least been given some peace surely is the kindest thing to do along with love and support

[TheBoomerPlace]

My dad is really dealing with Alzheimer’s and I find your videos to be very helpful. I was gonna subscribe anyway, so give Niko a tummy rub for me!

[denisecrabill]

Try a mother who believes her mother hated her. Her mother turned her father against her, her mother in a way killed her father because of her wickedness, her mother appears in her room at night punishing her and that's why her teeth hurt, she has arthritis, she has the "fall aparts", and that she is brainless and stupid. My 88 year old mother is bringing this up more and more. I call it the Nana story. My mother gives off so much negative energy its suffocating at times. I live with her now. After leaving a 35 yr toxic marriage to a covert narcissist, i work part time. I get out with friends, gym, time with my grandbabies, but come home to negative vibes. Dark house which is almost like a storage unit. It is very very hard. And yes, you do feel like you are in an episode of the Twighlight Zone.

[DrTonyHampton]

I have patients who understand that they have to change the approach that’s not working but their family members don’t get it. Other than sharing your video, what would you suggest for family members of patients who keep doing the same approach over and over again?

[bushidooffaith]

l had forgotten what a good heart you have, mum can't move out of her chair, but l thank God and my Invacare stand assist that helps me with the messy clean ups if you know what mean! but she to never wanted a shower, no way no how! so l prayed what do l and l was lead to ebay and brought "Bath in bed wipes" what a blessing they have been, cleans her up real good. You don't want a shower you won't, l would say, and then clean her with the wipes. We are both happy thank GOD! l say things a million time and she just look at me, like what! l think to myself it's like put water in a bottom less bucket, so l just laugh and say FKet, some times you just got to say FKet! and move on. God bless all you carers out their! because He sure is blessing me! Natali you keep up the good work, God love you and keep you strong!

[lindacastro]

I take care of my mom who is 90 and living in her own home. She can no longer drive, shop for groceries, bath herself, clean her home, pay bills, use a telephone or turn the tv on with a remote, just to name a few simple life skills. Because it’s her home, she feels I am trespassing and I haven’t the right to tell her what to do. I am at my end and I am desperately trying to get someone who is more experienced in the care of dementia. If anything happens to me…there is no one else to care for her.

[pjsmith]

At this moment, some of the family members are thinking of a nursing home.
My 89 year old Mom still showers herself and uses the bathroom.
She thinks she has a drivers license, but it is invalid. But just thinking she has one makes her happy.

So you’d things would be great, but they are not. She is exhausting in every way. My sister lives with her in my Mom’s condo and was working from home. But now she goes into the office 3 times/ week.
So somebody has to be with her then, plus times for my sister to have a break.

There are nine children in our family. Only 4 live in her city. My husband and I have been here helping out for 2 years. But it is enough. My husband is 73 and is now beyond stressed. I am 69.
Even though she appears somewhat competent, caring for her is a nightmare.
We feel that she should be in a nursing home.

We are moving back to our own city. So others will have to pick up the slack. My husband’s physical and mental health is deteriorating. I think the other 4 children will have to contribute in some way, other than coming to our lakefront cottage in the summer. The winters are brutal here and there are no activities for my Mom.
She needs some kind of social activity, other people her age around.
She says she knows many people in her building and visits them for coffee. A complete fabrication. She may say hi to one person as she is going in or out for an appointment.
I know I am also going downhill.
Others disagree, but I know I can’t care for her anymore.

[fishingrod]

I can't get it to load the video. All other videos are working. Anybody else? I got it to work finally. had to undo private browsing, must be something new.

[jacklynno]

I am having a hard time finding the link to the online class, thank you Jack

[glendamorrison]

Yes this is me INSANE 😊
does not flush toilet, freshing up, the remote, asking the same question in seconds. Lord forgive me.

[samsmith]

My wife's grandmother is suffering from dementia, though she hasn't had a formal diagnosis. We have been struggling with her overly suspicious attitude with her husband and others "controlling" her. We are all trying to help but she is very agitated with anyone who tries to help her with anything. She refuses Dr appointments, medication, she is not able to drive and claims her husband is controlling her life. She's already tied to walk down our road which leads to a major highway. Her husband is scared to get any at home care help because he doesn't trust them. I've tried to tell him he needs to involve professionals but its not getting through to him. What is your advice??

[stevenblack]

She now blames me for taking her keys I haven’t she hid them somewhere and now I’m a thief but she is so adjutated that she takes off down the road and I’m to scared to to physically stop her that I will get bashed for hurting a old lady that I just leave her and hope that the police will bring her home it’s now unsafe and I know she has to go into a home and we are trying but the earliest we can get is still 3 weeks away I just hope the new meds have a effect

[namaste]

My 88 year old patient wants to drive herself to nail appt this Thursday. Her 93 year old husband and house keeper think she is fine to drive. The problem is she has memory issues since getting Covid and bladder infection.
Im trying to be nuetral about it because they think im overstepping boundaries if I try to dissuade her. I told her its my job to keep her safe. Im nervous about it, usually driver takes her to other appts. I am going to try and offer her a ride and pick afterwards. 🤷

[mariroosen]

You are the best! I Love you! For what you do! Love you too niko! 😍😍😘😇

[loisfromohio]

I signed up and was accepted for the talk you're giving on Thursday the 18th. Do you just come to your regular channel ? Is this something that is virtual I don't have that on my tablet

[wuipuichang]

Hello. I would really appreciate some advice. Should my family tell my mum who has dementia that her daughter has died. My mum does not remember my dad died and believes he visits each day. My mum also becomes angry and hostile to strangers when out and in unfamiliar circumstances. Mum also is more fragile now physically and is in her mid eighties. Thank you.