3 things to NEVER do with your loved one with dementia

Welcome to the place where I share dementia tips, strategies, and information for family members caring for a loved one with any type of dementia (such as Alzheimer's disease, Lewy Body dementia, vascular dementia, frontotemporal dementia, etc.)

Today’s video is all about the 3 things to avoid doing with your loved one at all costs. It will make you less stressed and less frustrated. PLUS, it will make your loved one with dementia less likely to become agitated and irritable.
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Find out: "why you should lie to your loved one with dementia"
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In case you haven’t met me, my name is Natali Edmonds and I am a board certified geropsychologist. That means that I am a clinical psychologist who specializes in working with older adults. One day, while hiking a trail, I came up with the idea for Careblazers and I decided to see if posting videos online could provide help to the many other Careblazers in the world who don’t get to have help come directly to them in their homes. I hope that this work helps you in some way on your caregiving journey.
#careblazer #dementia #dementiacaregiver

[debbiehunt]

I'm a caregiver in an aged care facility. After decades working in corporate communications, sitting at a computer all day with zero job satisfaction, I CHOSE this work as I've always had an affinity with the elderly and needed to do something real that truly mattered. Working with people with dementia at all stages is so incredibly rewarding for me. I also get to be creative and 'play act' when participating with my clients delusions. And the relief they exhibit when I'm able to solve their problem (imaginary but very real to them) is wonderful. To see the agitation and stress leave them once I've managed to 'get the horse on the trailer' or ''get the burglar arrested' is wonderful. One client is stuck in a loop of waiting for a taxi to take her to the airport, so every day I tell her that unfortunately her flight has been canceled but we have a lovely room for her free of charge and it even comes with a complimentary breakfast 😉. She heaves a big sigh of relief and gratitude and for a while is content rather than distressed. Each work shift brings priceless moments for me personally and I love it when I get a lucid response from someone who is usually 'not there' - the song 'how much is that doggie in the window' always gets a 'woof woof'! It's a ghastly disease and especially distressing for the family to witness their loved one gradually disappear and become someone they don't recognise. Much love to all who are on this journey xo

[LuckyLarry]

My mother had Parkinson’s and related dementia...I became the queen of improvisation! What ever my mom tossed our there is what I ran with....I saw so many people at the nursing home arguing and trying to reason with their loved ones....more often than not the stuff my mom came up with was hilarious ...I never laughed at her in a way that would embarrass her but I would be howling on the inside. I would just try and jump in the conversation and be in her world and reality example, one day I was leaving the nursing home after my second visit of the day. As I approached the door she said to me “ well you know I’ve been shot”....I turned back and said to her “ oh mother I am so sorry I did not know you had been shot, when did it happen?” She replied “ well one day the neighbors were shooting at your father and I took a bullet to my arm.” I said to her that was really awful and again I was so sorry that she had been shot. She then told me as she pulled up her sleeve and pointed to a place on her arm that she had taken a bullet to her there too but she thought it was gonna work it’s way out. I told her how happy I was that the second bullet was not going to have to be removed surgically because that would be a real hassle and painful and she agreed and was satisfied. Mush easier experience than saying no you have not been shot! She seemed to have enjoyed telling the story too. I was dying laughing on the inside. One day she told me my brother was at dining room at lunch . He had been dead a number of years....I promptly asked her where was he now because he owed me 20 dollars and I really could use the cash. She said she didn’t know but he had on an izod shirt. This is really good info. Good luck to all y’all out there dealing with this ...remember ..one day at a time.

[giraffeNana]

I was working as private Caregiver, specially trained in Alzheimer's and Dementia Care. I had to quit my job and get a bigger place so my boyfriend and I could move in together to care for my own mother with Dementia.

I had a baby monitor so I could hear if she needed help in the night. I heard her get up, lights were on and I got up to find her dressed looking for her suitcase. When I asked what she was doing she said that her sister and her sister's husband were picking her up and they were driving back to San Diego(we were living in Texas). I said, "Mama, I'll stay up and let them in. You go back to sleep. In the morning I'll make waffles for everyone." She was thrilled, and went back to bed.

Nothing was mentioned the following morning of course.

[dmack]

I lost my father to Lewy Body Dementia. I was astounded at the way my father was treated and spoken to by my siblings. My father was a gentleman and remained so through his sickness. He showed no signs of hostility or anger and was really quite entertaining during his decline. I am no expert but it didn't take long to see that my siblings speaking like he wasn't there or constantly yelling at him like he could control his memory, wasn't having a positive effect for anybody. I ended up moving in with him temporarily as a caretaker and enjoyed the time spent in his past life. When he was in his early teens, I just engaged him in conversation of his address and what he liked to do. It was an incredibly sad yet positive experience for me and a non-confrontational one for him. We had a great time and I saw a side of him I never knew. Please treat your affected relatives with the respect they deserve. Their mindset is not theirs to control. They are still a person and one that can feel the harshness of unkind words. Patience!

[TheNurselaverne]

Another tip: do not play guessing games like asking them "Do you know who I am?" That only frustrates and embarrasses them. Always just introduce yourself and others as you approach. You can see the relief in their faces when you do.

[patbyrne]

Losing my mom to dementia was the most devastating thing in my life. God bless all who are suffering.

[davidray]

lost my mom in 2017, 95 years old with dementia sometimes she thought i was her husband who passed away in 1982 and other times her brother also gone, i just went along with whoever she thought i was. but a few hours before she passed away she called me by my name and pulled me to her and gave me a kiss on my jaw. i was happy she knew me again before she passed away. she had good days and bad days with this dementia it was so hard to see her go thru this !!!

[benw]

I cared for my grandmother for many years before she passed away from Alzheimer's and extreme old age while in hospital care. It was terrible watching her fade away inch by inch for days, years. I loved her very much. She still remembered who I was. I would like to think I've gotten over it, but it truly wiped me out emotionally, physically, and financially. I miss her. Both my parents passed away before she did. I know how very hard it is to be a caregiver for a loved one. I try not to let it get to me, and mostly I've moved on, but it changed me. I don't think we can cure or reverse all the effects of aging, bt I wish we had a way to minimize the mental decline. My heart goes out to those dealing with this.

[yuvgotubekidding]

It's not about winning. Try to resist being right. Adjust to their patterns.

[devonmorrison]

Never talk about the dementia patient as if they are not there, try not to get upset or raise your voice if talking to others in the room they can pick up on that anxiety or anger and start acting out, never ignore modesty, a dementia patient may still feel uncomfortable bathing, getting dressed etc in front of others. Never parrot commands over and over, get up, its time to get up, dont u want to get up, it is very confusing to him/her. Never scold a dementia patient. Bottom line put yourself in their shoes, how would you want someone to care for you. Compassion, caring, being kind and understanding. Thats the ticket. ❤

[Miss_Sippy]

"It's not about making sense in YOUR world, but making sense in THEIR world." <---- YES!

[stellaandes]

Thank you. My husband had severe vascular dementia resulting from a stroke. He passed away four years ago. Some things I did well, and others I didn't. I hope this helps people still in the caregiving stages. Living with dementia is so hard, and living with someone who has dementia is equally hard. I love him now and I loved him then.

[DavidsfarmlivesFAN]

My grandma had Alzheimer's from age 75ish to her death at 85. She refused to retire and when forced to, it infuriated her. She would clean and work around the house repeatedly all day, and break out and wonder into the woods. In the last few months of her life her mind had become a complete void and she stayed in bed, her hands and face became soft for the first time since she was a little kid. I miss her, she worked harder than anyone else I know. Those last 10 years were very hard to watch.

[dianeerickson]

patience. diversion. calm. encourage humor. affection.

[dustinsmomma]

Good advice. Thank you. I took care of a little lady for 7 years and she was more confused than anything. Sometimes if she didn't recognize me I would step away And brush my hair back or something and start again. Usually she would remember that I was there to care for her. She was the sweetest lady i have ever known and i feel fortunate that i was there with her.

[miriamffitzpatrick]

Thanks for your support and help, I find your words very comforting, as I am in the early stages of dementia myself. One of my daughters does those things you spoke about in your programme. I know she loves me and gets upset when she upsets me by frequently telling me I'm wrong about things, present or past, so I try to say as little as possible and agree with whatever she says, makes me feel like an idiot. My other two daughters treat me in a very normal way and we can have discussions on many matters. I know I'm not stupid, but I also know I can be quite forgetful, especially when trying to explain something but am unable to remember the word I'm looking for. My one hope is that I won't end up in a nursing home, something l dread. I hope I will have left the world by that stage. Thank you so much for allowing me this time to say how I feel, and thank you for this opportunity. Sincerely,
Miriam

[catherineiban]

my mommy has a dementia she was 78 turning 79 nxt yr. i'm sad bec. i saw her struggling everyday of her life, change her mentally, physically, and emotionally. i love my mommy and i'll always pray to god to give me strength for my mommy bec. she is all i have and i hope someday she will remember me as her you mommy, i miss you so much!!!

[jennifergray]

"It's not about making sense in your world, it's about making sense in their world." This one sentence rings so true with me. I will absolutely be keeping this in mind as I deal with my Mom who is in the moderate stages of vascular dementia. Thank you so much for making this video. It helped me immensely.

[maggiehallinan]

“Compassionate deception” is what the director of my mom’s memory care facility calls it. It works! And it sounds nicer than “lying”. ☺️

[elisabethm]

We’re in the stage where he senses his confusion and continuously asks for orientation...like, ‘do I still go to work?’ Do I have children? But when he hallucinated a policeman at the foot of his bed, I accepted it as his reality and just said that if he comes back to let me know. My process is listen with the honest attitude and respect I give to everyone, accept his point of view as being his truth and reality and give the answer I know he he needs at that moment...often all he is seeking is loving reassurance that all is okay in the world. I seek to create peace, comfort and joy in the present life we have together, and for the most part it works very well - your video is spot on. Thank you.