Top 5 Caregiving Mistakes to Stop Doing Today

Let me start off my saying that if you are making these mistakes, IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT. Probably no one has ever shared these mistakes with you or why these are mistakes in the first place. My hope is that you use this video to help improve your life and your loved one's life...not to beat yourself up.

That being said, let me know which mistake you are going to work on stopping first.

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In case you haven’t met me, my name is Natali Edmonds and I am a board certified geropsychologist. That means that I am a clinical psychologist who specializes in working with older adults. One day, while hiking a trail, I came up with the idea for Careblazers and I decided to see if posting videos online could provide help to the many other Careblazers in the world who don’t get to have help come directly to them in their homes. I hope that this work helps you in some way on your caregiving journey.
#careblazer #dementia #alzheimer

[brendamoring]

I lost my Mother to dementia the 15th of December 2021. I always watched your videos, because her doctor's could not help me. The only answers I got were no one really knows how it works. Through your videos I was more able to help my Mother and my self. I really appreciate you being there for me. I kept a journal of my journey with my Mother. I found playing games with her a great help when she had a bad day. When she didn't want to take a bath or get up to go to the bathroom, I would play a game, we would go to the bathroom and quack and walk like a duck. I would make up silly games to get her to eat. The hardest part for me was when hospice came in and she finally could not walk and she ended up in a hospital bed. I still played games with her to get what little bit of food I could get in her. I tried to make every day count. I still miss her but when she left me, I was glad for her. She will never hurt or suffer again. I know she was happy because she wanted to be with my Father. Tomorrow my Father will be gone for 4yrs. I took care of him when he had bladder cancer. I lived with my parents for 10 yrs and I am so thankful God gave me that time. I hope each and every one who is taking care of a love one has the precious memories I have and enjoys their special time with them. Thank you so much for your help and God bless you!

[lowcarbkitchen]

I guess I'm fortunate. My husband knows he has dementia and is not afraid to discuss it. Even though he's in stage 6 most likely. He knows also that he needs help and is not resistant to help and in fact is very cooperative and appreciative. He also has the ability to joke about himself and laugh about is mess ups. He's at the point of needing help in almost every part of his life but is so thankful to get it and our relationship is probably more loving and close than ever. I guess it's very different with each case. We've both accepted this for what it is, and daily trust and rely on the Lord.

[orthodudeness]

Dr. Natali,
As you are here for us, we are here for you. You never ask us for support
so here is some support from all of us.
You had a tough emotional day, we understand and support you and your feelings.
The Q&A today, logic over emotion, great one.
Emotion is always there, logic helpd to step back and then act accordingly.
NEVER FORGET! We love you and all you have done for us!
Where were you 8 to 10 years ago?
The world is so very lucky to have you now.
You're tough, you come through for thousands of people every day.
We hold you up, we hold you high!
We love you Dr. Natali!

[Somewhere-In-AZ]

These are perfect. I cared for my ex-father-in-law until he passed. I don’t think he ever knew I was his caregiver. If he was having a bad day, I just went out and came back in as if it was the next day. I smiled and was happy to see him! He brightened up and things were fine. I always asked if I could do this or that, like “would it be okay if I help you clean up before we go for a walk?” He was always grateful. We had a 30 year history.

[valerieevans]

1. Don't remind them they have dementia
2. Don't highlight that they need help
3. Don't correct then (unless truly necessary)
4. Don't make everything about caregiving. ( Maintain prior relationship)
5. Don't take everything personally

[canoeloulou]

You are correct about doctors sending you home with a diagnosis and no information or directions. We are left to research on our own. That is how I found you. I hope you know how much you have helped people and will continue to help. Thank you.

[jasonbutler]

she made a good point. don't let your whole day be about helping, or correcting. I sit with my client and watch her favorite Hawai Five-O because our day is better when i am her friend, not her caregiver.

[pattitibble]

I am really struggling. I've read all the books, I am a nurse of 40 years w a doctorate, I am now taking over more and more responsibilities, and trying to do all the things that must get done, bills, overdue taxes, business things, all the while husband W D thinks he is doing well, making good decisions, handling all things just fine... But is being forced to retire, thousands of dollars in debts, unanswered emails, so many problems... He can't remember anything day to day.. the stress is almost unbearable...
I'm drowning.

[jasonbutler]

with my grandmother, she used to sit at the tv waiting for her favorite western to come on the TV for 2 hours. I downloaded the whole group... all the seasons (Gunsmoke) it was on my PC.. we could watch it any time we wanted. It was a win-win

[nonacee]

We embraced my husband's dementia because.... it is what it is. When he first got the diagnosis we were mostly relieved, better than the dramas and psychosis that plagued him for a few years. That had been a miserable time and I was his target. Knowing what it was, made our lives better.

We ended up with a good medical team, the right meds after a few months of trials, government pension, did all the legal paperwork while he could still function and we told people what he had with no shame or hesitation.

7 years down with him at a moderate to severe stage and him sitting most days with his own thoughts, I think maybe his life is not so bad, no decisions, no bills, no driving, no responsibility, not answerable for perpetual holiday of the mind. It's then I think he's the lucky one. I just get the work.

[marygoodsell]

Thank you for your helpful videos! I am about 7 years into my husband’s diagnosis and it is actually getting better all the time. I am one of the lucky ones, he is easy. My key to success is exactly what you said in the video, I had to change me because you will never change the person you care for. Don’t neglect yourself and be the victim, do everything you can to make your self happier, treat yourself to special things, otherwise you will be resentful. I had to learn to love him all over because it’s all different now. My life is actually better now, and I am so grateful.

[nicoleescalante]

I'm guilty of all 5 of the top mistakes and probably more. You are absolutely 100% correct that there isn't enough training, support, or resources out there for caregivers once there's a diagnosis. Thank you for creating this channel! I look forward to learning from you.

[beverlyrosenthal]

This is exactly what happened to me in the beginning...I had no clue how to handle different situations. And I just realized that I repeat #2 every day...."I'm just trying to help you!". I'm stopping that dialogue now! I so wish I had found Dr. Natali 5 years ago! Now I tell everyone that will listen to follow Dr. Natali. Your life will be so much more pleasurable.

[jencaragia]

Treat people with compassion. Just love them. They need love not anger. If you feel you're becoming resentful, practice self care, detach for a moment & remember that they were young too 💞

[drummom]

I have become a caregiver for an 86 yo with dementia and last weekend I binged your channel last weekend and boy the information you have is amazing. I have applied this with her and it works our first week was a trial. This week everyday was a great day. Thank you for your awesome information.

[margaretlittle]

I can see I am doing things wrong, but can’t seem to help it, it’s very hard & I cry all the time

[sheilashirley]

My husband has vascular dementia I find this lady has been of value and of great support in understanding this disease she has helped me along a very difficult path.

[brendadickenson]

A great list! I have worked in nursing homes and sometimes things are so hectic, but you have to pretend the patient you are with now is worth listening to, engaging in a fun group project., or whatever. It help when my husbands PTSP got really bad to be in that moment with them, laugh with them, listen to them so they know you are on their side. Even when he forgot me he still knew I was a safe person who did not lie to him so he didn’t get paranoid. He had 3 trips to Vietnam, because he wanted more me or women to come back alive. He said he thought being a sniper was a great honor, but that was shooting targets. But a sniper remembers the face of everyone they see in that scope. It is very haunting to go to sleep and dream of such chaotic times and see it happen again. So our hours of sleep were trouble at times, but lots of laughter, dancing in the living room and being together helped a lot. We need to know that person we love is still there and continue as long as possible to “ invite them” to do things which you both enjoy all the time. If it is no, it is okay, May be in 20 minutes he would ask me, like it was his idea. Me ; Wow I would like that to. When do you want to do it? He was still the man I married and cherished my time with him. Been gone 18 years this summer. Still miss him.😊❤❤

[cherylcalac]

You made all the difference for me caring for my sister with dementia who is now very happy and content in her assisted living home!
In The beginning I thought I had to correct her and I learned from your videos what not to do.
Great advice! Thank you so much❣️

[ever_thriftingcendirella]

I’m took my dad to the neurologist last week for an early appointment because he seemed to be getting worse. He prescribed a new medication seroquel. Then I asked if he knew of a support group for my stepmom and I or a book to read. My stepmom is not online. He didn’t know of any support groups but did suggest a book. I went out and went a thrift store. I found 3 books on Alzheimer’s. One was called something like one couples journey with Alzheimer’s. The other was a book for caregivers. The other book I kept and I am reading. it is called the 36 hr day. I also follow you and have been watching your channel. You have been a big help. I have been trying to share the information you share with us with my stepmom. I feel so bad for her and my dad. She really is clueless how to deal with him. It is heartbreaking. He is such a sweet man but the confusion really gets on her nerves and it shows. I am trying to be there with them by phone on my work days, and in person on my off days. It’s a 25 minute drive one way. I have gotten two speeding tickets and have a clean driving record til now. Hopefully in court they will only make me pay court costs🤷‍♀️
I’m always in hurry up or panic mode since my dads diagnosis. He has other health issues as well. Thank you for this channel. You are a Godsend!❤️🙏