WHAT IS IT LIKE DATING IN GERMANY? tips & advice

⤹Everything you want to know is here!⤵︎

00:00 Dating in Germany
01:15 Who pays on a date in Germany?
04:45 What is considered a date in Germany?
06:34 Exotic foreigner
08:04 Not being taken seriously
09:27 How can you tell if a German guy likes you?
12:41 Learning German for dating purposes
15:41 Thank you for watching

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[eljanrimsa]

As a guy I have learned to ask if it's OK if I pay. Some women prefer to pay for themselves, others are happy to let you pay for everything. You just don't know without asking.

[bjo_Ern]

I am German and my wife is from Romania. We met 10 years ago in Ireland. None of is was looking for a relation, as she was divorcing and I was only a few month out of a long distance relation. The only language we have in common is English. Did we had our fair share of issue bases on language over time, sure. Was it worth the struggle in the beginning? Hell yes. Our kids were born Irish and we immerse ourselves into the culture here. It can be useful not not speak the language of your date, especially if both communicate in a foreign language. Love will always find its way.

[RealConstructor]

To my surprise I see a lot of similarities between German and Dutch dating. I thought we neighbors were miles apart in daily life. To my opinion we are a bit more ‘locker’ in social interaction and Germans are more formal and traditional, more ‘Ordnung muss sein’. Funny to hear your experiences.

[thomasstaub]

I am a German man with a twist. And don't like and understand the German way of dating too. It's s so cold as ice on terms!!! I used to talk to woman on streets, bars, sjppping centres, bars etc.. Let me say i left Germany when i was 19 years old, left my birthplace behind for a magical 31 years adventure in a foreign country Uk. Once married to a woman of colour and a dating experience so open as the pposite as now back in Germany. It shaped me the way i see the real world and real dating. Hands up for you Heley it made my day even better you found your other half!!! I always pay on first dates for dinner, lunch, small bites, coffee shops with a small walk by de river.. It's a gentleman's way and appreciate that you can do something good through eyes of another's ....

[rolandscherer]

Some thoughts as a German man:
1 - German men consider women to be equal, even when it comes to bearing the expenses. However, the contribution is based on earnings; a man with more income will also pay more.
2 - In the U.S., if a woman hits a man, she can be relatively sure that he won't hit her back. In Germany, women have equal rights, so if they start a fight, they may have to live with the echo.
3 - Especially if I am interested in a woman, I must not harass her, because she is an independent, equal person. Americans seem to take that as disinterest, but it's just politeness.
4 - About the language: German men have similar problems as you, Hayley. Even if we can communicate in English, we can't make sparkle our intellect in English the way we can do it in German.😉 And that makes us look stupid and humorless.

[Alias_Anybody]

This may be more about body image than dating itself, but women shouldn't be too concerned about what they eat on a date (or even relaxing evenings with friends). As you are paying for your own food anyway, if you haven't eaten all day and NEED that XXXL pizza right now then go girl! No half decent guy will judge you. Let him talk while you eat, no issues.

[ketamu]

I had a good laugh, especially after your Zugspitze video which was filled with the banter of a typical german couple. So that might also be a good insight for foreigners asking for dating in germany.

Many germans expect their partner to carry their own weight at least in modern times. It might be a good telling point how modern you are going to be treated if the other demands to pay all the bills.
To be honest, a woman that stands her ground is incredibly attractive 🤣

[judithkuzay]

I am a German woman and I don't like dating in Germany. Most German guys don't flirt and don't approach a woman self - confidently. I spent 1 year in the USA and LOVED dating in the USA. American guys are more self - confident and randomly come up to you, say you are beautiful, ask for your name and number . I had more dates in the USA than in Germany

[kleinermaulwurf]

Funny how close the word "payin''" is to the word "pain"...

[jha]

Hi Hayley, I am so sorry that you had that experience with those rude dudes. As a german, I have to agree to some of your explanations but as a gentleman you would always pay the bill and you would try to be as kind as possible to the lady. If not, than you are just an unpolite person. I am so sorry that you made that bad experience. I think that even if you are polite, you should be honest and true. That means that you should not give somebody the feeling of recognition if it is not the truth. This is a form of honesty and respect.

[MaskedBishop]

Don't order something you can't afford. 😅 Honestly I can only see this making things uncomfortable for both sides. And it's one thing when it has been decided beforehand, but when someone you don't know well just pays for you, although you are totally capable of doing it by yourself and you intended to do so, it can also feel overly dominant. So that way could also go very wrong, depending on the mindsets.

[andi]

I prefer first dates that include some kind of activity, because I think you can learn more about a person while ice-skating, taking a walk, playing billiards or something like this.

I hate diner-dates as a first date. Because sometimes it feels awkward... Like a job-interview.

For example... When i go ice-skating with a guy, I can tell if he is an active person or a couch-potato. I see if he is a person I can have fun with. See how he reacts, when I touch him. (what's very easy, when you are a bit clumsy😜)
And when I feel, I don't have much things to talk with him, it's an easy way to "escape" this situation.
Maybe at the end of the day, it's a few hours ice-skating and a goodbye without a second date.
Or maybe next time it's a diner-date where we can laugh about my clumsiness on ice.

[bearenkindercool]

hayley, 5 years ago you coquet with your german language skills especially your absolutely perfect pronounciation. fact is, it is a fact, you are perfect in german.
you often emphasised (in many videos) you were mixed (like feeling uncomfortable).
i will tell you one thing. the fact you are as you are makes you special. we germans love you as a person as you are. mike is no exception.this is probably he loves you, tear away prejudices.
if you walk around the city you are not stared at because you are mixed (we have lots of nationalities here in germany as you know), we look (!) at you because you are a beautiful woman.
as well you are well-provided with german humor (which you learned over time).
your videos especially with mike, are hilarious, that is what most of your viewers commented.
both of you have a secret to tell, which you lately dropped down why flying back and forth so many times lately.
my guess is, rataplan (trommelwirbel) probably the least guess of your viewers, but i have an idea.
all my best. to you and mike - and don't forget, being mixed is such a wonderful thing i compliment, being the so-called german guy, 6"2, blond, blue eyes.

[suzetteospi]

"If you haven't gotten your cuddle buddy by now you might be spending this winter cold as heck." This sentence made me think of the last lines of Rainer Maria Rilke's poem "Herbsttag":
Wer jetzt kein Haus hat, baut sich keines mehr,
wer jetzt allein ist, wird es lange bleiben,
wird wachen, lesen, lange Briefe schreiben
und wird auf den Alleen hin und her
unruhig wandern, wenn die Blätter treiben.

[dirkgoldschmitt]

Einen schönen zweiten Advent, Hayley. 👍🌹Ich denke, Deine Tipps sind hilfreich, danke dafür 👋

[GlenHunt]

I dated an American girl once who expected to not have to pay a single cent for anything, or really do anything herself. Her thinking was that I should even pay for her groceries, and the sole reason to marry a guy is so she would have no responsibilities whatsoever. Crazy thing is that in her small town, that really is a thing. Just...nope x 1, 000, 000! It sounds like sharing expenses as a married couple in Germany is a LOT more sane than here in the US.

[tessa]

Two things I'd like to add~a German friend let me know that German men don't really approach and make a first move the way American men do. So as a woman, you may need to be more forward. My friend said it is out of respect. Also, dating apps are used in Germany much the same as they are in the USA.

[christinmeyer]

I'm a german woman who had this discussion with great american women who told men the exact same thing about the dating differences in America and in Germany. To be honest, as a woman I'd totally prefer dating in America. Us womem should have your american standards on dating. 👌 I love your accent by the way. I studied American studies, and you have like the most beautiful accent ever😊

[MichaelBurggraf-gmvl]

Possibly your hints on being an exotic beauty don't apply on the colour of a persons skin only. It might have to do with being from eg the USA or any other country, or with speaking a different language.
Your hint on learning German is really valuable, and I would like to add the following two reasons:
a) many people in Germany - in particular younger generation - have learnt English in school. They'll enjoy an opportunity to speak English - particularly in an environment where you're possibly the only person to judge his/her knowledge and experience in speaking English. In a situation when you're learning to know someone for the first time that's ok. However the more times you'll meet one person the more probable it'll get that you'll meet perhaps a friend or a relative or the like of his social bubble. And they'll possibly speak German. Your options of participating in such an encounter will depend on your ability to speak and understand German. The less you understand and speak German the more you'll have to depend on your date to integrate you eg by translating parts of a conversation or to ask a third person to switch to English.
b) (a bit related to the previous point) the more you know of speaking and listening to German the more confidence you'll probably have and show during a date. Also with a good knowledge of German you won't have to concentrate of finding useful expressions - whether in English or German - for resonding in a conversation. Hence it'll allow you to focus more on the personality of your dating partner and his/her interests.

[onehandcowboy]

Hayley be carefull with that teasing people, because her in Belgium and also in the Netherlands we say "mensen plagen is om liefde vragen", that means teasing people is asking for love ;-) . But you are a lovely woman. Lucky Mike (hey, that's a good nickname, isn't it? ;-) )