'Always Ask This When Dating...' - How To AVOID Time Wasters, Manipulators & Liars To Find REAL LOVE

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It’s Lisa Bilyeu and on this episode of Women of Impact I've got the amazing Stephanie Okafor with me, and oh boy, are we diving deep and getting real! This episode is all about shaking up what you think you know about submission in relationships. It's not what you think—it’s about strength, respect, and being a total badass in your partnership.

Stephanie gets raw and personal, sharing her journey and some seriously eye-opening biblical insights on what it really means to be vulnerable and respectful in love. We hash out why trust and transparency are crucial, how to tackle past traumas head-on, and the magic of truly understanding each other's love languages.

TOPICS & CHAPTER MARKERS
👩‍❤️‍👨 [00:00] Intention in relationships shapes expectations and dynamics.
🗣️ [05:48] Defensive response to feeling overlooked and undervalued.
❤️ [11:32] Understanding and trusting each other's leadership.
🏆 [17:53] Respect boundaries, avoid infidelity, nurture healthy relationships.
🗣️ [21:22] Healthy conversations vital for understanding beyond social media.
🏆 [31:35] Balancing work, home, and personal dreams.
👩‍❤️‍👨 [33:13] Supporting men's struggle with career and identity.
❤️ [39:41] Prioritize love for self and others.
❌ [42:45] Hiding secrets, open up for healing.
🏆 [48:00] Realizing childhood trauma affects desire for children.
👩‍❤️‍👨 [53:42] Understanding behavior enables honest communication in relationships.
🗣️ [01:03:31] Trust and communication are crucial in marriage.
❤️ [01:09:22] Christian perspective on women's role in marriage.
🏆 [01:14:12] Learning healthy marriage for women is crucial.
👩‍❤️‍👨 [01:18:12] Behavior reflects beliefs; address unhealthy marriage issues.
❤️ [01:22:48] Mother's advice on independence and love impact.
🏆 [01:27:44] Women have the right to desire what they want, and should take care of themselves.
👩‍❤️‍👨 [01:35:21] Planning to stay together, aging makes spouse attractive.
🏆 [01:41:06] Embrace change and growth in relationships.
👩‍❤️‍👨 [01:44:39] Understanding each other like a fire analogy.
🏆 [01:49:42] Pregnant woman suffers, finds relief in dream.
❤️ [01:53:08] Learn manipulative tactics or become empowered, choose now.

If you're ready for some juicy deets on making your relationships stronger and finding your inner queen, then buckle up and join us for this candid and empowering chat with the one and only Stephanie Okafor. You won't want to miss it!

STEPHANIE’S QUOTEWORTHY TRUTH BOMBS:
**The Reality of Modern Relationships**: "But if you're only hype on emotions and you don't really get to know the soul of a person, how they think, how they feel, how they live their decision making, their habits, the way they see life, when you start to do life with them and you, and the real comes in and you don't know what to do, you can't handle it, and it's like, oh, let me go to the next one."

Qualities of a Good Man: "For me, as a Christian, you know, when I see my husband, the way he follows Jesus is how he got my heart, you know, because I'm like, oh, I trust Jesus. And you're a good student of him."

**Trust in Relationships: "What happens when we don’t see eye to eye? Someone has to say, okay, I'm going to trust your leadership. I'm going to trust your decision in this."**

The Importance of Boundaries in Relationships: "A lot of times, infidelity is the fruit of lack of boundaries. And so boundaries, what I encourage people to do, I'm like, you don't put boundaries because you don't trust yourself. You put boundaries to make sure that there's a lesser version of you that shows up sometimes."

"Support and Sensitivity in Relationships": "And so to do something that is beneath their resume feels like a failure as a man. But it's for them to be reminded, for you to be a provider in the home is success as a husband at whatever capacity, and still showing that, hey, I believe in you. I believe in your dreams. I believe in your goals. I'm going to support you with it and we're going to figure this out."

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[LisaBilyeu]

WARNING: I will never ask for your contact info in the comments section, that is someone impersonating me!

[crackerjacks]

This young woman is simply beautiful her eyes, teeth, smile, make up is simple clean, soft and feminine and refreshing to look at .. she is speaking about the headship arrangements in the Bible the problem is people have stopped reading the scriptures and deciding what is best for themselves with out the wisdom from our creator.. who has clearly given us the tools we need to have a successful relationship while they are marrie

[visionyouniversity]

I LOVE Stephanie! She’s an amazing woman of GOD! Her way of teaching is very practical and authentic! I’m so happy more woman are being exposed to her through your platform!❤

[sch]

Issue is some ppl lie about who they are. I dealt with that myself. I asked all the questions and unfortunately, he lied about everything just to get me to be in a relationship with him.

[deloresgrey]

"NO ONE RISES...ABOVE THEIR THOUGHT LIFE."
I STAND IN FULL AGREEMENT...💯💯💯!!!

[bmbarnum]

The "bait and switch" in some dating situations feels like gaslighting. You need time to get to really get to know someone (not be head over heels with endorphins, getting your judgement clouded by S3x as the be all, end all). The Bait and Switch is when someone presents themself as exactly who you want in the beginning of dating (like Kind, Caring, Considerate), so you become smitten, agree to start seeing them — then they stop being those things, NO LONGER Kind, Caring and Considerate (they become passive aggressive, talk down to you like you are stupid or beneath them, insult the things that bring you joy, put down your career aspirations and life dreams as stupid or a waste of time, etc) You feel unloved, you wonder why they went out of their way to woo you, when clearly they have NO RESPECT for you. They may be jealous of you, deep down fearing you are better than they are and have to take you down a notch to feel superior. This is NOT the person you became smitten for! They LIED about who they are!!! This is why you have to PLATONICALLY (non s3xual) hang out with someone, get to know them - maybe they will take down their guard and show this dark stuff someday so you can say no to dating — not jump into bed then feel extremely confused.

[WilliamsPinch]

Stephanie is so anointed. Thank you Lisa for having her✨

[ncm]

My grandmother used to tell me to “play” the damsel in distress sometimes, it’s ok to feel and be vulnerable… Also “ soft check” over time, his lineage, background, credit (money habits) NOW HIS MEDICAL BACKGROUND….. This is good! Watch a man’s love language! That’s good….. yes a lot of women CONFUSE SEX WITH LOVE… becareful yall listen to his words and how he moves!

[Helenalaurino]

Tim and I operated so beautifully together. It was like we were together in a past life. It was truly a spiritual connection from the moment we laid eyes on each other. No secrets, No lies just pure love, kindness, trust, understanding and respect. I miss you Tim 3/4/23. Thank you so much for this video.

[BLAH_blame]

She is really brilliant. I’m getting so much out of this. She’s talking about things I never thought about never read about or never was apparent to me.

[Nikita_]

A strong woman is not a loud, aggressive woman but rather a woman who is feminine, gracious and holds her fort with class.

[kimberlyking]

Lisa, I have been on the edge of my seat! This was an EXCELLENT interview. Pastor Stephanie is such anoinited woman and wise of God.Thank you for having her!

[CrystalHfff]

I love listening to Stephanie Ike. ❤so much wisdom. Thank you, Lord, for this wisdom you have given her. 🙏

[mapsmaps]

It amazes me how many women don't use their intuition when choosing a mate. It is 100% accurate 100% of the time.

[Jennifer-grhn]

I'm SO glad you had a Christian on, Lisa. A lot of great guests, but this was is very much needed.

[jesstheromantic]

16:38 is so powerful because I'm the kind of person who wouldn't get married if I didn't align with someone's core values... so when things like deaths and disappointments happen that make my partner unhappy, cold, or distant for a season, the first thing I'm going to think is how can I lean in more to fill in the gap. I already know it's the environment that's making them act like this, not their true core, so it's not a permission slip for me to abandon them or my commitment.

[Denise-nn]

Exactly! I called off my engagement 2 years ago. My ex did not take the lead. and I hated a man didn't know what to do in a serious relationship. He missed a lot from his father growing up. He had a father in his life and his mother. He was selfish and future faked our long-term relationship. Great video!💯🙏

[sandrakaima]

You can ask questions, and people will lie. People change their minds depending on the seasons. How you feel when you're broke or broken is not the same as when you have plenty of cash and feel joy. How you feel in the winter is not the same as how you feel in the summer.

[mariamb]

One of my favourite guests ever. LOVE her. Such an insightful and thought provoking heart centered discussion thank you

[igitha..._]

"There is strength in vulnerability"