Nice Guys SHOULD Finish Last... From Matthew Hussey & Get The Guy

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You may see me being a little harsh (maybe even a little overly harsh ;) here, but for all of those who consider themselves to be too nice, this is one of those cruel to be kind moments.

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I have never met someone who is TRULY nice.

I've met people who are honest, who are earnest, I've met people who are generous and kind, but I've never met someone who is 'nice'.

I find that people who say they are 'nice' are using it as a euphemism for being spineless and never rocking the boat.

Not only is that unimaginably boring, but it also means you're dealing with someone who you don't really know.

You don't know what a nice person is really feeling, or what they'd truly like to do.

You ask them for their preference and they don't give you a straight answer. They're not honest about their feelings towards other people, or things that aggravate and annoy them. They just keep things on an even keel the entire time, holding onto the charade of being 'nice'.

As I think about this subject, I think about the film 'The Mask'.

I remember being struck on seeing this film by how much of a nice guy Jim Carey's character Stanley Ipkiss is to begin.

He's known for having finished a piece called 'Nice Guys Finish Last', as he somewhat nobly sees himself as a nice guy (and who in some ways resents the world because of it).

What we find when he puts on the mask is that he becomes a different character.

He becomes bold, edgy, and uncompromising. He becomes a force that drives towards whatever he wants, whether it's women or money, and he goes after what he wants.

Now, he becomes a very unattractive extreme of this, but we know it's a caricature of how he would actually like to be.

He hates when he's a nice guy, and doesn't respect that version of himself.

I find that nice people don't stay nice forever. They often become bitter or resentful.

They get angry at the world for being treated badly, and they get angry at themselves for allowing others to walk all over them.

The insidious thing about niceness is that it can actually hurt the people it's intended to please.

In being nice you're not honest with the people you're trying to please, you don't give opinions that people need to hear, you don't cut someone down when they need cutting down... And it can actually end up hurting the people it's intended to help.

The phrase, 'to be cruel to be kind', is a very telling one.

Very often we have to have a sense of cruelty to tell someone something that will benefit them.

I believe KIND people deserve the world.

Kind people should be given every award, every bit of recognition, and that kind people make the world a better place.

As an extension to idea that 'nice guys finish last', I put to you that nice guys SHOULD finish last.

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[mizzycutenezz]

This reminds me of what Anna Akana said in her rant about nice guys: "Don't be a nice guy, be a good guy." There's such a big difference.

[jurgita]

I think that Matthew is talking about a people pleaser, not about a nice person. You can be nice and still have boundaries and not do everything what other people want you to do. For me being nice means treating people with respect.

[skunkie]

Oh my god. This video is absolutely true. I am a "nice" person and it describes me perfectly. I do try to please everyone and I am fairly spineless, I more or less just go with the flow and try to not ruffle anyone's feathers. Over time it definitely has turned me into a very bitter person (which I'm trying to heal and grow from) Ugh! it sucks being a "nice" person. I wish I could just grow some balls and a spine. 

[MsSofiaAn]

This video makes me feel so uncomfortable, but I keep watching it because I know that what he says about nice people is true . I consider myself a "nice person" and I have grown resentful and it is awful and I want to change that.

I feel kind of sad because I let myself down but I want to use this to be empower myself to change.

[NeverLoveNiila]

As good as this advise is and as much as I truly agree with it, it raised a very strange feeling of rage in me. Because almost every person out there, almost every person I meet, is nice, let's other people walk all over her and doesn't say what they really want. There are just too many people like that and it seems hopeless even trying to start teaching one of them a lesson. They own the world, they make up the huge mass of nothingness, spinelessness and niceness that gets intimidated by people who actually do step up.

[maddyloftus]

I'm shaking. This is me..I blew up on my friend recently for always pushing me into the shadows. But in reality I'm to scared to do those things myself. I allow guys to sleep with me even though what I actually want is a relationship. But I fear that if I tell them this and say "no, " they will leave. I am bitter and hate that I am "nice" because people walk all over me. But this is occurring because I let it happen. I finish last because I am to scared to go after the life I really want. Time for a change.

[KaratekaII]

I think the mistake people make (especially a lot of women) is not being able to differentiate between someone who is a "Nice Guy" and someone who is a "Good Guy" (and there is a big difference).  Yes, so-called Nice Guys are perhaps too agreeable, too predictable, boring, etc. Guys", on the other hand, might be "nice" to the people they care about, but they are still very strong in terms of their own character, morals, being able to push back and then some when pushed, being able to protect the people they care about, etc.   It's a tragedy when women can't distinguish one from the other.   As a P.S., Good Guys are sick of hearing a lot of women lament their lot with men....if you pick a jerk, no one forced you to do so, so either suck it up or dump him.

[lenanylonista]

The nice guy has intention. He has direction. He has a value system that is void of solipsism and thus he lives pushing sand against the cruel tide of reality that nature abhors a noble idealist, and you're nature's voice. Continue to destroy the weak who dare to truly love.

[matthewphiliproberts]

I told my counsellor I have a bad habit of wanting to please everyone.

She responded with “it’s okay to have and show a darker side to our personality. We’re human, not perfect.”

[Esther]

I agree to a sense that there is a type of "nice" that is actually self centred and is nowhere near what a kind person would be like. This kind of "nice" is about getting people to like you, to accept you (when you can't even accept yourself), to respect you (when you don't have any standards) and to treat you the way you want to be treated (when you never told them what they need to hear to treat you right). This "nice" rakes of superficiality and insincerity that anyone in the long run gets tired of it and starts treating you in the exact opposite way you want to be treated.

[pinknails]

This speaks to me in so many ways. Right now I'm dealing with a guy who I feel doesn't appreciate me for how "nice" I am and I'm basically being taken for granted. It's happened to me in the past and I became severely depressed because I resented the world and felt guilt for even being alive. I understand more now and have grown a lot since then. I'm less afraid to show people that I am strong and won't be walked all over. I know I need to show that to this guy otherwise he will not have my redo

[FormerTrucker]

Wait a minute! when I read in the dictionary of what nice means, its nothing like Matt described or how some here have described. I think what should be said is this the disingenuous should finish last.

[josephseph]

I find that this guy makes out being nice is a bad thing. Being nice is absolutely fine, just don't let people take advantage of you and stand up for what you believe is right.

[debbiewilder]

sometimes it's not that your not speaking up its your being manipulated so your just being a nice person but dont understanding their motive.

[NecoBabbles]

This is very descriptive of people who tend to label themselves as "nice guys/girls".  Not to be confused with actual people who OTHER PEOPLE label as "nice", these kinds of people label themselves this way because they seem to be insecure of their own wants and needs.
What I have found is that these kinds of people may have some fundamental issues that are entirely fucked up that they will need to face in order to mature into actual people.
A "nice guy/girl" self-labeler is actually another kind of judgmental person: they just express it in a VERY passive/aggressive way.

[tuffybuf]

So spot on. I have also found that people who spend a lot of time telling you that they are nice use it as a manipulative tool and underneath it all, they're really not that nice. "I'm nice and I've done this for you, so now you owe me this, this and this..." is the subtext that usually comes across. And you don't even have to read their minds to know this. Eventually, in the heat of the moment, this thought or one like it usually spews out in anger and frustration. Those types of people get cut out of my life very quickly these days. Thanks for the post, Matthew! Great as always.

[susandavies]

Thanks for validating nice people are wimpy and boring to be a kind person!

[digitalgopher]

Don't confuse a lack of opinions on many issues with having no opinions.  Some people are highly adaptable for most situations and it's hard to phase them.  They likely have opinions about certain things, but you've never argued with them about anything of consequence (to them).

[k.bukowiec]

Thank you Matthew.. I needed to hear this. Being a people pleaser is not noble at all.

[nhiavue]

I love this video! What an honest way to confront the old adage of "nice guys finish last." I have come to learn how to tell authenticity at its best and its worst. These "nice guys" (and girls) need to realize that they just need bring their authentic best selves forward, and the right person will show up and truly appreciate them. I break up with these "nice guys" because something just feels off about the relationship, and they get so angry & resentful! Thank you for reminding me that I get to choose who I invest my time & effort in, and for standing ground in my values.