Modern Dating: The Sad Truth About Modern Dating in 2023 | Adam Lane Smith

Why does modern dating seem so broken? In today's video, relationship coach Adam Lane Smith explains how men abandoning their masculine roles has destroyed romance.

Most women crave safety, stability, and strong masculine energy from men. But after generations of male distrust, many men today fear embracing their provider/protector purpose. This prevents women from accessing vulnerable feminine energy.

Adam argues that reviving chivalry and masculine focus is key to restoring healthy dating. Women are waiting for men to build the structures so they can fill them. It’s time for men to courageously establish security, and lead us back to love.

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Chapters:

0:00 - Introduction
2:00 - What Women Really Want
4:00 - Men Not Providing Safety
6:00 - Generational Distrust
8:00 - Embracing Masculine Energy
12:00 - Examples of Masculine Men
16:00 - Establishing Safety First
19:00 - Romance Needs Masculine/Feminine Balance

[DeplorableJoe]

You’re absolutely right, Adam. Women do want to feel safe, loved and protected by their man. Right up until the moment they don’t. Then all you can legally do is watch them walk away! Romance isn’t dead commitment is.

[dvegas]

I agree. When my husband takes care of things that are for the betterment of the household, I can focus on complimentary duties. I feel more relaxed when he is confident in his ability to lead, even when it's hard. He is also willing to sit down and make a plan with me, which I very much appreciate.

[magnarisu]

That's such a true. I used to be that type of "defective man" myself as a woman. And in that role I didn't feel any need in men really, I was fine by myself and pretty avoidant. But when I met a man who managed to create a very secure and safe space for me to be in I surprisingly felt so much love and wish to give and care for him and make him feel loved and happy and valued. I've never even thought I had all that in me in such an abundance. So indeed - calm, present, reliable and safe masculinity can absolutely make wonders for women. But it has to be a two way street of course, and woman also has to know how to create a safe secure space for her man to be in and feel masculine around her in return.

[earthtoemily]

And yes, this does sound great! Women ideally want their partner to reduce or alleviate stressful situations, not make them worse! We don't want to be mommys to our children and our husbands. We definitely don't want to watch our husband's throw temper tantrums, lose emotional control, panic, etc. Emotional maturity is SO important! Being able to handle life's toughest situations while keeping things calm, cool and collected is a very desirable quality.

[angiel.]

Adam, this is 100% correct. It makes so much sence and I feel that just by listening to all of this already makes my feminine energy flourish. Thank you so much for your content.

[olivertwist]

I would like to see a video like this for women. How can they better exude and embody the feminine energy that encourages and enables a man to step fully into his masculinity?

Everyone everywhere tells men to just "man up" while, it would seem, not expecting women to change at all or do anything thenselves. Both sides have to do some lifting if we want to fix this problem and escape this mouse dystopia.

[barbarathompson]

Preach! This IS the conversation! We love men and when we believe them in this way… romance and relationships will be forever saved.

[Pheonix]

Thank you Adam for connecting the dots for men. You thoroughly explained everything that satisfies a woman’s needs when dating and within a committed relationship. I am so glad we have you to help men and women learn how to have healthy, non-toxic relationships. Yes, we definitely desire and are attracted to a masculine man who makes us feel safe and secure. We do NOT find effeminate or emasculated men attractive. We do not want to become a mother to our effeminate husband. We want to nurture and support our masculine husband.

[swordsnorchids]

As a young woman I 100% agree on this!
Even though I do like some things that men also like but that's about interest and hobbies, when it comes to character we need balance and right now society is imbalanced but it can change and get better!

[jenniejiang]

I want a man who protects and provides, but sadly, i can hardly find any true protector/provider nowadays...

[benrb]

I’ve actually had conversations with friends about the women wanting safety topic. I noticed girls I dated telling me they felt safe around me and I always found it such a strange thing to say. Enough to discuss it with buddies, and lo and behold my friends experienced it a lot too. It adds up to me👍

[indyd]

Yes, thank you! This is spot on for traditional feminine women. Yes, we do want to feel safe and protected, so we can relax and fully be in our nuturing, peaceful energy. We can provide and protect too, but it's exhausting for us to do without a supportive partner. Exhausted women get angry, mean, frazzled and resentful. It's not pretty.

[earthtoemily]

I think there's a problem in this country with men not having enough good role models, and society only promoting toxic ones. There's an over abundance in older men that still behave like they're still in their 20s. It's like they're getting stuck emotionally/mentally in their teens, and not realizing it's time to grow up until they're well into their late 40s, if at all.

[MartaHobzova]

This sounds great to be in feminine energy so we can be with a masculine man. And my female friends wants this, too, from what they were telling me.

[lovenosa]

I didn’t realize how much being in masculine affects women until I had my mum come over when I was moving apartments. I had a man there who was firing on all cylinders, happy to lift all the heavy things. And not for free either. She insisted on still lifting things and moving stuff. My Aunty came later and started bossing him around because of how he was arranging stuff. I only invited them to come and chat and say goodbye but they turned it into something else. Unfortunately my mum had to be this way because she had to be the provider, organizer etc and now she can’t turn it off.

[joniharen]

I have never been more attracted to a man I've dated than one that I've seen in his element working on the ranch, fixing things, driving big equipment, killing animals lol and also feeling safe with him because he knows how to defend us. I also think the masculine energy in a man is something I'm discovering I need because I've been a single mom for 15 years and have to do it all.

[michellegirau]

I will have to say Adam 100% right. There has been many times I have regretted my decision on my life partner. I HATE having to be masculine because my husband just complains about a job where he's at home every otherday. He always says he cannot wait until he doesn't have to work ever but also cannot wait for my job to start. He also doesn't do handy work if somethings broke in the house its staying that way.

[anders]

Im 31. i am a physician and in a very solid financial position. I have been dating for the last 2 yrs trying to find a good long term partner. Even though i have been emotionally available and providing them with stability, trust and security they (espacially the last one i dated) have said they dont fall in love with me. They like me and loved the time we spent together but still end up breaking up with me saying they couldnt fall in love with me. Its really frustrating and im tempted to give up on finding love

[Arquebusier]

Use this analog: in an RPG game, you chose to be a paladin, then don’t go and take up a sorcerer’s role. Be the best of the paladin you are, to tank and shield, while you leave the skill of conjuring to your partner

[hawwu]

As a quite feminine male with disregulated nervous system, trauma, anxiety, insecurities and history of landing in friend zones...
It makes sense and I'm debating on giving up for the best of both parties. Going against all of this feels pointless currently.