How Growing Up Poor Messed Me Up As An Adult

Through bi-weekly video essays, "Making It Work" showcases how *real* people have upgraded their personal or financial lives in some meaningful way. Making your life work for you doesn't mean getting rich just for the sake of it. It means making the most of what you have to build a life you love, both in your present and in your future. And while managing money is a crucial life skill for everyone, there's no one "right way" to go about it — you have to figure out what works best for *you,* full stop.

Video by Grace Lee

Written by Katelynn Sortino

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[alexricky]

3:30 one of the many reasons people misuse victim status is because when someone is acknowledged as a Victim, that person is entitled to compensation and Justice. To anyone that says "I'm not a Victim" when clearly you are (maybe not by someone in particular but by large groups of people making policy decisions) then you're letting them get away with their abuse. Poverty is a policy decision that's been allowed by those in government (local, state, and federal and even international) and by banks who get to dictate the terms of what kind of account you have to the credit card terms you have to agree to. We shouldn't allow those that make policy get away with forcing poverty onto us.

[evakamenna]

As European citizen, the idea of going into dept at 18 for educational and MEDICAL reasons is absurd. I would have never imagine it is not the same in all western countries. Now, I am so grateful to society I live in, despite its flaws

[sammijo]

I grew up with the “Will we have anything to eat today poverty”. I am retired today and still live with that mindset. Trying to kept my utilities as low as possible by not running the AC or heaters, being completely uncomfortable in my own home. I had a successful career, built a good nest egg, and have a small pension. I got out of poverty 30 years ago but that mindset is in every cell of my body.

[jellygurl]

Yes as someone who grew up in single parent household and a parent who had low income it impacts you significantly into adulthood. So much is unpacking and unlearning the bad habits that your parent has and likely has not changed until this day.

[Brittany_NRG]

So relatable. Poor parents saying college is an absolute and “you’ll figure it out” has put sooo many people in a difficult place today. Every adult I admired and trusted told me college was the only way I would become financially stable.

I love the overall sentiment of this video, there's just one thing I disagree with. You are a victim of a country that has neither the social safety net nor the free access to health services that "the richest country in the world" should have. It's important to recognize that being a victim of something doesn't mean you're powerless to change your future for the better, which I understand to be the point of the video, but it is definitely important to advocate for changes in the system as well, so that another kid tomorrow doesn't have to learn the hard way, or pay the price forever if they don't learn.

[katieelspeth]

My husband had a similar experience with dental work. His parents hadn't taken him to a dentist since he was ten years old, and in his mid-twenties had to spend his life savings on pulling a few adult teeth that he couldn't afford to repair. When he found himself facing spending $3, 000 to lose another tooth, we just got married instead and my insurance covered saving the tooth. When you talk to his mother she says "oh we didn't do XYZ for him and he turned out fine!" I called her out on the dental work once and she acted like she didn't hear me, then changed the subject.

[riotgrrrl]

What's wrong with naming that you were a victim of the system?
Being a victim isn't the shameful thing it's made out to be. And someone will always have it worse. I guess not wanting to be perceived as "complaining" is a very American thing... We don't need to tiptoe around calling out this messed up economic system. Otherwise, how will we unite against it?

[ParisLeShea]

The part about “not asking parents for money because you know they don’t have it and don’t want them to feel guilty about it” really hit home for me.

Starting college, I remember purposely lying to my parents about being okay financially, despite being broke, so I didn’t have to burden them.

[justanotherjessica]

Growing up in poverty messes you up in so many ways. Not only do you have to work extra hard to get ahead financially but your mental health suffers so much.

14 years after moving out on my own I'm finally in a good financial place but I still have that poverty mindset which has led me to hoarding and binging on food. It's so difficult to not keep literally everything because what if I need it in the future and I would have to buy it again?!? It's so difficult to not overeat because my brain still thinks that I might not have that next meal. I'm obese and mentally broken but I'm trying to get better.

I see a therapist and I am considering getting into an eating disorder program of some sort because I definitely have binge eating disorder. None of this was my fault to start with but I can't just let myself off the hook, I have to take responsibility for myself.

[alicegale]

"working hard and having nothing to show for it" hit hard!

[raheeeg]

Wow the teeth thing triggered me 😅 it's upsetting to see my friends buying houses and me spending my savings getting implants so I can finally eat right. The worst part of this is I live in UK where you can get free dental treatment if you are on financial benefits but the level of poverty where I grew up meant all services were already being spread too thin.

[shawnaford]

I just mentioned this to my therapist yesterday that I was was noticing how the poverty mindset is influencing so many decisions I am making today.
Even from the historical grandparents experience in the Great Depression carries through the generations. And comments “that is too good for us” makes an impression on a child.

[kw]

Omg the American "health care system" is just unbelievable for the wealthiest country in the world 😰😰😰

[SamanthaStew]

"Being poor is terribly expensive" such a simple sentence that said so much. Good for her, it can be so hard to break generational poverty. I'm sure her mom did the best she could with the little resources she had. We need to start teaching finance in HS so these kids graduate being financially literate vs learning the hard way like most of us had to.

[nairamartirosyan]

I am afraid half of the mentioned problems are just the consequences of the shitty life conditions in US. I grew up poor in Russia. However, I graduated from university with 0 student debt, because free education still exists there. Moreover I was paid small scholarship which was enough to buy basic necessities and even pay for bracers. My health insurance covered majority of the treatments, including partly dental treatment. Insurance was fully covered by government. It wasn't easy time for me, but basic social help from the government helped. And Russia is not evem the best country when it comes to social security. Many European countries have even better support systems for poor. And I am genuinely sorry that someone has to go through hardships of poverty with 0 help from the country, like Americans do. Especially, considering that there are ways to build more supportive society, and America does have money to do it.

[VirgoLunaris]

I am 36, and just paid off my debts from my late teens/20s last week. Its amazing, I was tormented for 15 years by debt collectors and medical offices and it's finally over! That poverty mindset is intense and overarching... Also, banks are predators and penalize you for being poor and for having a lack of knowledge around finances in general. The system straight up just kicked my a*s for so long AND I'm one of the lucky ones...

[marla]

I feel so seen! I went to college and the real education was seeing how much I was cheated being around upper middle class or rich kids😩

[Borisb]

I agree with the overall sentiment of the video. However, I still hear a little bit too much self blame too. There is also nothing wrong with advocating for certain systemic changes. The United States is known for having one of the weakest social safety nets in the developed world and a pretty unique education system in which college costs have been exceeding the inflation rate by far every single year for decades now. So yes, improve what you can but advocate for changes in the system too.

[darlenaphan]

I love that you say you want to pass financial knowledge down to your children instead of leaving them a large inheritence. That's the kind of generational "wealth" that will benefit future generations!