The Perfectionist Trap

One of the greatest obstacles to a good life is the expectation of perfection.

FURTHER READING

"We typically aim for a particular career because we have been deeply impressed by the exploits of the most accomplished practitioners in the field. We formulate our ambitions by admiring the beautiful structures of the architect tasked with designing the city’s new airport, or by following the intrepid trades of the wealthiest Wall Street fund manager, by reading the analyses of the acclaimed literary novelist or sampling the piquant meals in the restaurant of a prize-winning chef. We form our career plans on the basis of perfection.

Then, inspired by the masters, we take our own first steps and trouble begins. What we have managed to design, or make in our first month of trading, or write in an early short story, or cook for the family is markedly and absurdly, beneath the standard that first sparked our ambitions. We who are so aware of excellence end up the least able to tolerate mediocrity – which in this case, happens to be our own...."

MORE SCHOOL OF LIFE

Watch more films on CAPITALISM in our playlist:

SOCIAL MEDIA

Feel free to follow us at the links below:

CREDITS

Produced in collaboration with Ana Stefaniak:

[jamalcolmson]

In college, my drawing instructor once said, "You have one million bad drawings inside you. Better start getting them out now."

[TheDistractedFilms]

It seems like every time I'm going through something, The School of Life always has a video to answer it.

[Triniswe]

*Perfection* is the most harmful thing towards creativity. *Perfection* leaves no room for improvement, develpment and research.

[AdventumDiaboli]

A master has failed much more times than the student has ever tried...

[quynhnhulenguyen]

Before I become a perfectionist, I have courage to do everything and even the results isn't great I still feel so proud of it. Now everything I made is either perfect or garbage (Mostly garbage for me).

Perfectionism may lead you to great achievement but it's exhausting. It's cause procrastination and stress.
A lot of time I just want to quit life because I can't be a perfect person.

[TicTocRobotSnot]

How many crummy videos did you produce before finally creating this masterpiece?

[tvrdo]

There is no such thing as "perfect". You are beautiful as you are Courage. With all your imperfections you can do anything.
-Courage the Cowardly Dog Show

[misho]

Nothing is objectively perfect because the idea of perfectionism is subjective. My perfect could be your garbage. That's another reason it's a trap.

[hounamao]

so hard to do unperfect things though.... so hard for me that I end up procrastinating to have an excuse for not making something perfect

[bolivar]

For friends who suffer from this, here is a list that can be helpful:

1. I love this quote by Rebecca Solnit:

" So many of us believe in perfection, which ruins everything else, because perfect is not only the enemy of the good; it's also the enemy of the realistic, the possible and the fun".

2. Malcolm Gladwell has an excellent, really excellent podcast called " Revisionist History". And the episode named " Hallelujah" is dedicated to creativity. It is so interesting because it follows the adventure of one famous song, which was a horrible song when it came out. But then the singer worked on it for years, and it became a huge hit.

I don't mention on purpose which song it is, so that you listen to the podcast!! No it's not Hallelujah:-) But they talk about it too. It took Cohen years to make that song work!

That episode will certainly change the way you look at creativity and make you feel more compassionate about yourself.

3. One very important thing is to be able to say:

" I am enough".

If you read Brene Brown's book on Vulnerability, you may reach that very fortunate state of mind. At least for a while.

4. One of the best books I have read on creativity is Elisabeth Gilbert's " Big Magic" . I have found a couple of ideas in it a bit too esoteric may be. But the way she motivates you and encourages you is really wonderful.
You can also listen to the interview with her on the " On Being with Krista Tippett" podcast. That's one great conversation on creativity and about all our misconceptions about it.

She says for example, that any interesting activity requires 90 percent of boring work. But if you insist on the routine and keep working, then something happens, a "transformation" that makes all your efforts worthy again. She says she grew up in a farm and this is exactly what happens there too. She got the " perseverance" from there!

5. There is also an On Being podcast with Rex Jung, professor of neurosurgery. The episode is called " Creativity and the everyday brain". He says the very same things that we have learned in this lesson: that creative people fail much more! Because they are much more active! Some stuff comes out as good, some as bad, but they always keep going.

6. Not taking ourselves too seriously and seeing our failures with humour is also very helpful.
Physicist Freeman Dyson says that:

" Einstein's sense of humour went hand in hand with the fact that being a great scientist means failing a lot of the time. So his sense of humour was what allowed him to pick himself up and keep going and even be graceful about it . "

7. There is a wonderful TED Talk by Carol Dweck called " The power of believing that you can improve". She also has a talk on TSOL channel on Perfectionism.

She offers us a totally different perspective, saying that we must learn to enjoy and appreciate OUR EFFORTS, rather than being obsessed by the outcome.

I think if we love what we are doing and have it always clear in mind what it means to us, and if we are just " curious" about the outcome, rather than "anxious", we can be much more productive, and lead a more fulfilled life.

8. Friends from Brazil, do you remember the song "Aquilo que dá no coração" by Lenine?
Well he says:
" Chega sem avisar"
But for that to arrive, we must be in a state of mind where we are really open and kind to ourselves!

[CeruleanPandas]

these videos always help me regain a sense of perspective

[JennaDrawing]

Very interesting video, made me rethink how I approach drawing a little bit. I often end up comparing myself to other people without even considering the effort that they've put in to get to where they are. Thank you for making this video!!! :)

[amberallen]

I have problems with perfectionism. But it's more different now. I have an autistic child and a husband. I can't predict what kind of day my family will have. So while I'm seeing tasks that need to be done, family life gets in the way. The more I get behind the worse catching up will be but it's not my procrastination it's hectic life I have. I can't change the people around me, I see the mess staring back at me, and my exhausted mind and body just cry for help while I wake up and do it again.

[alexandracalisto]

It reminds me of Anne Lamott who wrote that one of her biggest fears is dying without hiding her rough drafts and having everyone find out what a shitty writer she actually is. People think that a masterpiece appears quickly and effortlessly, and sometimes it does! But often, behind the scenes we find the crumpled sketches and the horrible first drafts stashed away. There's always a process and I think it's important for artists and creators in general to share and to remember.

[MorganFrancophile]

Story of my life! I wish I had had someone tell me all this when I was growing up. It would have saved a lot of time and heartache! Alas! But we also say to shoot for the moon in order land amongst the stars! Perfection can also be a motivator to get us as close to it as possible!

[ljay]

Dang...that hit me hard. I struggle with chronic perfectionism and this condensed everything I knew in pieces into a one cohesive video. It really puts it all into perspective. Thank you!

[shreyakapoor]

Thank you, for your voice. I was always in this 'perfectionist trap'. I wanted to study it all and be the brightest student but it never felt 'good enough'. I made such ambitious goals for myself but never anticipated the time and failure it would require to be there. Every time, when i didn't quite succeed to complete my planned schedule, I found myself fallen into this guilt of never been good enough and everything felt falling apart. I have had anxiety, panic attacks and worse when you isolate yourself. You feel like no one will understand you and then it becomes toxic. For any student who is going through this phase- i just want you to hang in there and trust the process. It takes failure and mediocrity to be there at your perfect place but till then just be patient and trust the process.

[aaron-]

You know how, on youtube, you're subscribed to lots of channels, but for only some of them you watch every single video? This is one of those channels, has been for years. Sincere compliments to the creators, it's hard to be that consistently awesome.

[MerisProsic]

I know exactly what you mean TSOF...
I didn't upload my first movie here on YouTube for more then a moth because I just thought it wasn't "perfect". Whenever I wanted to upload it, I found something new I have to make better...Until I realised that the "imperfection" kind of made it "perfect".
I think that we often seek for the perfection, even though it already is in front of us...

[BenWrightsamui]

The greatest source of unhappiness for people is the comparison between our own achievements and the perfectness of the images of outstanding human achievement and giant collaborative projects we have fed to us when we use social media (among other things). The relative difference. More people are perfectionists because we're been socially conditioned to hold ourselves to a higher standard. Our interconnectedness is our downfall.