What works better than punishments for kids with ADHD - ADHD Dude - Ryan Wexelblatt

ADHD Dude provides parent training through the ADHD Dude Membership Site, in-person school-year programs, and summer camps. ADHD Dude is not gender-specific content.

𝗔𝗗𝗛𝗗 𝗗𝘂𝗱𝗲 𝗶𝘀 𝗥𝘆𝗮𝗻 𝗪𝗲𝘅𝗲𝗹𝗯𝗹𝗮𝘁𝘁, 𝗟𝗖𝗦𝗪, 𝗔𝗗𝗛𝗗-𝗖𝗖𝗦𝗣
Ryan is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, Certified School Social Worker, and father to a son with ADHD & learning differences. ADHD Dude is based in Tucson, Arizona.

𝗣𝗹𝗲𝗮𝘀𝗲 𝗷𝗼𝗶𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗔𝗗𝗛𝗗 𝗗𝘂𝗱𝗲 𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗺𝘂𝗻𝗶𝘁𝘆:
✅Instagram: @theadhddude

ADHD Dude is for educational purposes. I am not serving in a clinical capacity and cannot provide clinical consultation or free advice through YouTube comments, email, etc.

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[edbaxter]

Props for adhd dude going meta by keeping his video less than 3 minutes for the adhd dads and getting to the point really quick

[katiedavis]

My son (not diagnosed) does best when his punishment is physical activity. He runs a lap in our field or does a number or push-ups. Theres no yelling involved, he understands he needs to move his body and 9/10 he is happy and back to his sweet self after exerting some excess energy.

[ScottJB]

My parents shamed/punished me my whole childhood for being disorganized, "selfish, " disobedient, etc instead of getting me help and now, I have anxiety and stress in regards to my perceived failings. I still have the same brain and the same traits, but now just harder on myself. And we have a family culture where you don't talk about things that are uncomfortable openly so I'd be further shamed if I mentioned this. Thank you for helping today's kids have a better chance of being healthy than the "tough love" boomers gave us.

[MegaSnail]

My solution for my son's behavior was mostly lots of outdoor energetic play time and if he left his toys around I put the toys on time out until he did some chores needed around the house. The only video game we ever bought our son was the Wi. which kept him active and focused. As a teacher I understand that every child is unique, so my best advice is to get to know your child's strengths and aptitudes and use these to support their weaknesses. The goal for every parent should be to support your child's journey in becoming a functional, compassionate adult.
Not easy but worth all our efforts. Be well.

[yearight]

Dude, you literally described me. I have ADHD and I grew up CONSTANTLY having people lecturing me. So I eventually just started to tune them out. Even to this day when someone tries to have "a talk" with me I just shut down mentally and don't listen. Its become a cooping mechanism from hearing it a million times growing up.

[jdm]

As an ADD adult, looking back over my childhood, for me the problem was that usually when I was in trouble, it was for not getting things done that the ADD made it difficult to do. Punishment was not only ineffective (if it were that simple, I would have just done it *before* I got punished!), but, more often than not, it was actively *counterproductive* (hard enough to do the thing when I'm feeling good about myself, even harder to do it when I'm miserable).

But I like how you put it: it's not that there should be *no* punishments, it's that punishment should not be done for punishment's sake alone: it needs to actually be getting a better result.

[billb]

My girlfriend has a son with ADHD, raised with no significant consequences for his actions or inaction. Now he’s 21 living in her basement, dirty clothes, dirty dishes and food in his room. He’s medicated but has to be constantly reminded to take them, has to be woke up by his mother and can barely function on his own. It’s probably the most frustrating thing I’ve ever seen.

[emperorlelouch]

This is true facts👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽. I have ADHD and it's NEVER worked for my mom to punish me. In fact it actually made me more cunning and clever. I was able to make it seem like I was compliant and good on the outside but I was really doing what I wanted when she wasn't there.

[rakuga]

I stumbled into your video once I found that my Son have ADHD. I'm still processing everything and how to cope and behave as a parents to him. While watching I'm also rekindling how I behaved around him all of this time. I just want to say Thank you for opening my mind.

[waythatstherightway]

Ryan, you’re awesome for identifying what works for ADHD kids! When I worked with youth that were chemically dependent in an inpatient treatment facility and having to work with ADHD youth, I really tried working on seeing these kids for who they were and not their negative behaviors when they acted out. One of the things that I tried, was having them set up (ahead of time) their own consequences if they did something they shouldn’t be doing or being disrespectful. When they got to pick out their own (reasonable) consequences, it seemed that they had more of a mature response when they did something they weren’t supposed too instead of throwing a fit or getting mad at me or other staff. I believe it helped build more of a connection and it seemed that they learned how to be more accountable in taking responsibility for their actions. It wasn’t always a perfect solution for all kids, but for those that took it seriously, I think it gave them a chance to see that positive changes can happen. 💚🕊️

[AylmkJ]

This is great advice. If your child is being disrespectful, advise him of his actions and as a “punishment” you can make him wipe down the kitchen table or something, and then praise him for THAT good behavior.

[benitob]

I’ve been diagnosed with ADHD since I was a kid. I was born in the 90s, when I didn’t listen my parents had to get creative. Especially because getting my butt whooped just didn’t work. What they did as punishment was have me write “I will behave my self and listen” in a book. Depending on what I did, I would to write it out 250-1000x. Let me just say it was a kid with ADHD’s worst nightmare. Anything where I have to sit still or do something monotonous drives me up a wall. I started behaving myself real quick.

[Yawgmoth]

As a former kid with ADHD I can say that when my dad punished me for having bad grades it just made me feel more hopeless.

[woohunter]

Hmmm, “instead of punishing them, make them go out and do something nice for someone” I like that…

[kristinrenee]

I just came across your videos and my 9 yr old is newly diagnosed. Extremely helpful. I've done positive parenting for years but your videos bring new insight and new approaches. Thank you

[frankm.]

Honestly this goes for kids in general. Your goal as a parent should be to end up with a functional, mature, capable adult, not an obedient child, and the best way to do that is to teach responsibility. The only thing punishment teaches is to hide transgressions better.

[EmmaFeather]

My 11 year old daughter seems to 'not care' about punishments too. This is really helpful. Thank you!

[gregorypeck]

I’m 44 now I spent more time grounded than I did outside playing, the punishments were severe. And it’s true I become so desensitised to everything they could thrown at me, nothing worked 🤷‍♂️

[someonenew]

I think this is great advice for every child. I honestly believe punishment is never the way. I believe showing and explaining what consequences of actions are, is much more fruitful. I am a teacher (9-12 year olds) and whenever possible, I sit down with the kid(s) that ignored the rules or did something „bad“ and try to first find out why the ignoring / situation happened. Then I walk them through the consequences of their action(s), meaning how others might be affected and so on. I also ask them how they felt during their action (and why) and how they feel /felt once they realized what they did was wrong (if they realize at that point). I discuss with them other ways they could (re)act, if a similar situation will come up. In the end, I want them to tell me in their own words if and what they learned, how they would react if they could rewind the time and what their take away from our talk is.
Most of the time this works.

[mofimTV]

This is not helpful to me because you are asking to ask the ADHD kid to "do" something but what about kids who plainly say no to any of the consequences as things to do???