5 Signs You're 'Overdoing' Vulnerability (And How To Stop)

[laurenparnell]

This was a good reminder that if I share something vulnerable and am not received with the compassion I expect, I am still responsible for regulating myself and need to have a Plan B for self-assurance/regulation

[brambleinhabitant]

15:23 "All of this resentment can build up when we are expecting other people to act in a way that keeps us okay." And when we don't fix this within us, we end up forcing our children to act in a way that wouldn't trigger us. Because of which, they will end up with CPTSD or never developing authenticity because they were never given the safe space to be themselves. And the passing down of the issues continues.

[majaroma]

I am 56 years old, and you have taught me things that no parent or author has ever taught me, like how to know I’m over-vulnerable, and how to have a self-love day. I love your enthusiasm and super appreciate the growth I am experiencing from reading your contributions.

[MonicaGunderson]

Yes, learning to receive other's no with grace, or their actions of "no". In those times, take a step back, and be your own best friend, your own hero, and be there for yourself. Others are out there who we can be vulnerable and safe with, and we ALWAYS have ourselves, our own company. Self-love. Self-care. Personal Healthy Boundaries for YOU.

I am also discovering:
• ask first, if the person has the "head space" for a vulnerable conversation.
• sharing less is better.
• explaining less is better.
• don't repeat, repeat, repeat, they heard you the first time.
• if the situation is building anxiety, it is ok to excuse yourself, and take some time for yourself.

[indigoechos]

Too many rejections has me feeling like i should only be vulnerable with my therapist

[jeweltysz]

This was very eye opening to me because I thought I wasn’t being vulnerable enough but I was being too vulnerable too early and with an attachment to the outcome of it. Plus, I never realized that being attracted to people who aren’t vulnerable was because of looking for a parent figure in my life but it makes sense to me because I found when my ex was expressing vulnerability it actually made me uncomfortable and I didn’t recognize that.

[pendafen]

It shocked me recently to learn that many covert narcissists operate from a space of vulnerability (often learned/enforced helplessness). Really shifted how I think about interactions.

[zoeh]

Mathew Hussey calls reckless vulnerability an "emotional dumping" which i thought was a nice metaphor as well

[erintraylor]

This is exactly the blind spot I’ve needed people to explain to me my whole life and finally you did

[jsmithsemper]

I’ve DEFINITELY been overdoing vulnerability 😅

[lilyghassemzadeh]

One of the most important lessons I've learned in life (very late, after 40) is that a good relationship or friendship with anyone (even your family members) is reciprocal.

[dariennechouinard]

I (avoidant) had the experience of frequently feeling ashamed and confused with a long-term partner (anxious) who struggled to approach me in their vulnerability, who could not always get me to react/receive them the way they wanted or elicit vulnerability from me when i wasn't ready/able/etc. Boundaries were essential for us in making these interactions better - asking to table the moment for a later time, for more time to process, for pauses to re-regulate, etc. For me, even drawing a line for topics that I wasn't available or willing to get into has been a huge thing (re: not constantly abandoning myself).

[Analysis_Paralysis]

It's also worth discerning who is safe enough to be vulnerable with!

And, also, to be vulnerable gradually and step by step and not "overdoing" it by sharing too much, or by sharing things which the other party is not capable of understanding, not because they don't want to, but because they lack the context.

Edit: Oh, you just mentioned it. I should have watched the video to the end! 😊 It's the most important sign in my view. :)

I discovered your channel a few weeks ago and I really enjoy and appreciate your insight!

[LadyLuck_]

It was difficult having someone who was trying to push me into a vulnerable place and extract too much information whilst not sharing as much himself. He didn’t respect my boundaries but paid lip service to himself doing so.

[phun]

1. Not recovering from disappointing interactions in a reasonable timeframe. Too attached to outcomes.

2. Vulnerability leads to arguments. Too attached to outcomes.

3. Feeling lots of resentment but not anger. Expecting others to respect boundaries that we never made explicit.

4. Chronically feel out of control in relationships. Imbalances in reciprocity.

5. Vulnerability "isn't working". Attached to outcomes.

[biancamo]

Oh my goodness, I can't even express how much I needed this today. I have been overdoing vulnerability for YEARS, and I've just recently been wrapping my head around the concept. This is helping me put terms to things I desperately need to work on. Thank you for sharing this video!

[nickydietrich]

This just made me feel better. Thank you. I had a instance where through being present and vulnerable I realised I was experiencing limerence. I did all the right things, left the situation, processed my feelings privately. But I felt shame. I processed this as well because I've developed a nurturing internal voice and I know how to do toxic shame recovery. I spent time on my life and my hobbies and spent time with groups who do things which I love doing. I also went full no contact. Still I experienced recurring shame about being vulnerable in the first place. However, I wasn't inappropriately vulnerable and I did have my own back when I got rejected, so now I think because of your video that although I didn't develop a relationship with the other person, I did develop a deeper relationship with myself.

[elblaino]

A lot of this resonated with me. I do a lot of sharing, and consider that fundamental to my personality. Going tit-for-tat, sharing and then seeing how it played out and acting accordingly strikes me as game-playing and manipulation and terribly cold. BUT intellectually I know that the happy people don't throw open the windows of their soul to the whole world - they don't make themselves that vulnerable to everyone! Because it HURTS when someone doesn't reciprocate. If "the heart" gets involved or the relationship is otherwise very significant I will continue to share and wait for the reciprocity, even to the point where it can only hurt. I'm pretty good at expressing what I want, so for me the issue is being pretty bad at standing up for myself - bad at drawing a boundary and at being ready to walk away if the relationship doesn't provide me the close connection and other things I am hoping for. It's interesting to think about your idea that we may be attracted to unavailable people because we are searching for a more parental energy ... seeing ourselves as the child who needs to be taken care of, even told what to do. Anyway, there's more where that came from but just wanted to react and also say thanks for the thought-provoking video.

[sandyedwards]

That’s right! Vulnerability has been over glamorized. And those most sensitive are already being emotionally vulnerable enough.

[jak]

Thank you for the video. It’s an interesting point about being attracted to people who show up as invulnerable. I actually really value and appreciate vulnerability in people and yet the partners I choose are typically very closed. Unconsciously seeking a parent person, to want to be taken care of, is something I need to have awareness about. 🙏