Unmasking a Covert Narcissist Is Absolutely Dangerous. Just Run!

In this video, Ross Rosenberg, M.Ed., LCPC, CADC, explains why "unmasking" and exposing a covert narcissist should be avoided. This conversation further clarifies his most viewed (3.5 million) video: When You Unmask a Covert Narcissist, RUN, But Quietly! Covert narcissists are the most dangerous of all pathological narcissists.

Covert narcissists perfectly play a savior role who engenders sympathy or respect from unsuspecting people. If someone should attempt to take their mask off or reveal their true motives, there will be hell to pay! Covert narcissists, who often are also gaslighters, will do anything and everything to undermine or cast doubt on the person who attempts to reveal their true identity, reestablishing their altruistic reputation (re-gluing the mask to their face)

Covert narcissists thrive by pretending to be something they are not. They pretend to be altruistic, kind, and codependent. Covert narcissists get what they need out of life by creating a false self. Simultaneously, they hurt people in their most intimate relationships by behaving pathologically narcissistic behind the scenes. When setting boundaries or ending a relationship with a covert narcissist, doing so by exposing their true selves can be very dangerous., as they have an intense fear of abandonment caused by childhood trauma and will do anything they can to crush, discredit and damage the person who is attempting to take that which they have stolen from other people.

ABOUT ROSS ROSENBERG
Ross Rosenberg, M.Ed., LCPC, CADC is a psychotherapist, educator, expert witness, and celebrated author. He is also a global thought leader and clinical expert in codependency, trauma, pathological narcissism, narcissistic abuse, and addictions.

Ross's pioneering codependency contributions are responsible for the sweeping theoretical and practical updates and developing a treatment program that permanently resolves it.

Ross has been featured on national TV and radio and is a regular radio and podcast guest. In addition, he has traveled the world, giving his one-of-a-kind keynote presentations and educational workshops.

His global impact is best illustrated by his YouTube channel with 23 million views and 247,000 subscribers, and the sale of 155,000 Human Magnet Syndrome books published in 12 languages.

In 2022, Ross Rosenberg created The Self-Love Recovery Podcast, reaching a new audience to discuss important mental-health topics while providing resolution and treatment options, recommendations, and resources for victims of narcissistic abuse, gaslighting, trauma, and codependency or Self-Love Deficit Disorder™. The podcast is available on all major platforms including Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Spotify, and iHeartRadio.

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[laura-]

For me, the covert narcissist comes across as a people pleaser. They like to be in the spotlight to get the validation that they crave for, as other narcissists but at the same time, they pretend to be humble, simple, generous, over giving. The covert narcissist will take time to build a relationship/friendship with you. During this period, they will show their admiration and their devotion by helping you with everything that is you need. They will try to convince you that you are soulmates and that they understand you deeply. At the same time, you will see them being overly altruistic, maybe helping society by engaging in charities, activism. They feed the poor, take care of the homeless. All this makes you think how lucky you are for having met such a beautiful soul. You want to be by their side for ever.

However, soon you notice how much they enjoy being invited in galas to talk about their achievements. But they don’t admit that. They still play the humble guy who doesn’t want all this. Who is beyond money, beyond fame and recognition, who wants to share the floor with other people. But their acts don’t match their words. You come to realise that this selfless soul is actually doing whatever it takes to be in the centre of attention. When you do something together be it at work or at home, they want to control everything about it. They just exerce their control in a more polite and implicit way, making you believe that your voice was heard whereas in reality you did what they wanted you to do. Covert narcissists have a smooth way of leading you on. They don’t shout, they don’t give orders. They are master actors. They convince you that you are together in this. What makes them a narcissist is that when the time comes for them to use you in order to draw certain benefits, they will do it without a second thought and you are not going to believe in your eyes.

[gtiorfr]

Empaths are not attracted to narcissist. Narcissist are masters of studying you and mirroring the characteristics of an empath to make you feel like you have found your soulmate. They represent everything which an empath absolutely despises. We bring love and light. They try to destroy everything and everyone that they encounter.

[marymotherofgod]

When I blasted him verbally with truth it was like putting holy water on Satan

[NSEasternShoreChemist]

If you're thinking "I'm going to expose the covert narcissist, what's the worst that can happen?" I'll warn you: no matter how meek, mild, and demure they appear, if you hurt their ego enough, they *can* go berserk. Even a small, normally weak person can be *extremely* dangerous if they're hell-bent on destroying you and give no regard to their own safety anymore.
And yes, I have seen that happen...

[Cassiehope]

They believe their own lies and expect everyone else to

[djignatin]

The covert narc is an actor. Their personality is similar to that of a sociopath. They will pretend that they don't know what you are talking about and will play the victim.

[maytruthprevail]

Ross, thank you for explaining how dangerous the covert Narcissist is, I needed to hear this. Very few people will understand if you try to explain what a harrowing experience it is to deal with these toxic individuals.

[kevinhornbuckle]

Very good advice here. Do not confront a narcissist. They do not have the capacity for self-critical insight. Also, there is no 'getting even' with these personality disordered people. They will resent you for your ability to set a boundary and get away. They will resent you bitterly for your ability to get away, because they cannot get away from themselves.

[Thundersnowy]

It isn't that empathetic people are attracted to narcissists, IMHO, it's the other way around.
Narcissists target empathetic and kind-hearted people. Kindhearted people don't have their guard up for narcissists. They find it very hard to believe that people can be as cruel as they can be, and still seem normal in society. That is why they end up in relationships with them. Often they are stuck because they can't mentally figure out what's happening. The setup is to make it to where there are only two choices that appear to the empathetic person once they are in the range of the narcissist. One is to be a bad person, the other is to be a bad person. It seems there's no way to a kind person and get out because they don't want to be cruel. The only way I ever got out was to give myself permission to be a bad person according to what ordinarily would be my definition. Walking away from a suicidal person or a person who's children are endlessly in harm's way if you walk away etc etc etc feels like the wrong thing to do to an empathetic person. It's never wrong to free yourself from an endlessly confusing, painful relationship.
I am not attracted to narcissists, now that I know the signs to look for, (confusion is #1)
I stay away and NEVER ENTANGLE with them.
'Never complain and never explain' works well here. And run.

[sharonl]

Time tells all truths. My NPD ex is having to deal with the consequences of his own making, and I am the one who is happy and at peace. Our children figured him out on their own, and I had learned how to protect their hearts without wrapping them in bubble wrap.

Once you figure out that they all operate from the same playbook, you can figure out what their response will be to whatever boundary you draw. Being able to anticipate their actions gives you power. You really don’t have to participate in their attacks on you. Ignoring their insults gives you power. Eventually you will not be entertaining enough to supply them with fuel & energy, and they will seek that fuel elsewhere. That’s where the real fun begins.

Once I stopped allowing myself to be the source of his fuel, my life got easier and I began to really heal. I don’t have to say anything now to try to expose him. I don’t have to get even with him, I don’t have to defend myself, I don’t have to badmouth him. I’m not scared of him anymore. He exposed himself because I took myself out of the equation & he has to deal with karma now. It took a couple years to really master the art of letting him expose himself, but in the end, my strategy worked and I came out the winner. -Because now I have peace and happiness. Learn how to stop participating in their behavior.

[maryjulian]

I unmasked my narcissist ex-husband and he devoured me, ripped me to shreds, destroyed me and his own children. And he’s still not finished with me. I am torn to pieces. I’m literally running for my life.

[gigikey]

They seem to also feel better after they got you upset.

[sevenseconds]

He said that he would kill me if I ever show up again but God, exposing him in front of everyone was just priceless. I regret noting.

[prettynena]

Well that is sad because that is why abusers never face consequences 😡

[mcawesomest]

If you unmask them or call them out with evidence it will be the scariest experience of your life.

What will come out is a monster of rage and it will be all your fault

[prideofjudah]

Words of wisdom. No lies told. Count the cost before exposing a narcissist. "What's the worst that could happen?" you ask? You could wind up deleted. Don't walk away, run! The only thing to be salvaged is your sanity.

[mulhollanddose]

Sometimes you can't run, and you must expose. It happened to me.

[georgesontag]

My experience in life - the harder she love bombs you at the beginning, the harder she hates you at the end. Love bombing was something nobody told me to watch out for.

[leticiamilo]

Run away and contact zero is the best choice!
Thanks for sharing this video!
Jesus blesses you!!⚘🙌❤

[goldilocks]

Amen to this. If you have ever tried to do this once, it is highly unlikely you will ever do it again. When you know, you go. As quickly and quietly as possible.