The Gray Rock Method | Beat ‘Toxic People’ with Serenity

A controversial method to deal with ‘toxic people’ (i.a. narcissists, psychopaths).

Cuts, voice, footage, script by Einzelgänger. I also used Creative Commons (links below) licensed material from Storyblocks (links available upon request).

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Merchandise design by Punksthetic Art:

Music used:

I Think I Can Help You - The Bardo

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#grayrockmethod #stoicism #narcissist

[bikosankara]

“Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.”
Mark Twain

[amanda]

Please dear friends, remember, what they call you and how they treat you is really how they feel about themselves deep inside. Never ever let anyone make you doubt your own sanity

[micy]

Ultimate trio:
1. Walking away
2. Grey rock
3. No contact for life
Appreciatte yourself, your self-respect, integrity and lifetime. Don't let toxic people to steal your time of the life, you will never get it back, it is time, energy and nerves lost.
Thank you and have a good and successful life.

[vahidjoudakian]

"Our reaction is their prize", Nice one!

[howiedunbar]

When the narcissist engages you in conversation, talk about the weather and when they try to change the topic, steer them back. When you do this three times in a row then you will become the boring weather person and they will avoid you.

[vaimantobe]

So basically a real life version of "Don't feed the troll"?

[FirstLast-zrcy]

Some people wear their toxicity like a badge of honor...Smh. Love this message. Welcome back. I hope your heart continues to heal. ❤️

[SimonsRandomRants]

Good video, I have a coworker who always makes fun of me every time he sees me. His face lights up with joy and pleasure as soon as he sees me. But it's not for any good reason. So insulting. After 12 years I'm sick of it. He cornered me with his mate and they were both making jokes and laughing at me at my expense. The last encounter I just gave up responding, just sat there in silence. I realized there was nothing I could do or say to change his behavior. So I did nothing and waited for him. Finally after his jokes he just looked at me, waiting for me to "play my role" or respond how he expected. But I never delivered my lines, so to speak. He gave up, walked away. I think it actually freaked him out a bit. Because I acted in a totally unexpected way. Now this video underlies the value of this kind of "no response". Great job!

[flegmatika]

There is a downside tho. Sometimes you have to stand up for yourself instead of just letting it pass. Some people take further advantage when we don't react.

[exotictemptation]

As a person being like an emotional sponge, I found myself attracting those types of people all the time. This is good insight for people like me with so much empathy for others.

[ossen]

When you ignore a negative person, you strip away their power by showing displaying how unaffected you are.
Nothing can be more painful than being disregarded out of existence.

[RobJenkinsDubTechno]

I'm beginning to realise how important it is to surround yourself with the right people, both in real life and online. Without the advice and encouragement of YouTubers, I would never have started my meditation music YouTube channel. Try to spend more time around people who build you up and less around people who pull you down.

[paulpavro]

It's a great test. If they repeatedly find your serenity irritating and they react negatively, then it is most likely you are dealing with a narc. What this means is it's so easy to win with these people just by not playing, impossible to win if you play.
Their greatest fear is having to accept their behaviour is socially unacceptable.

[SYENU]

Important note before I explain a few issues: If you’re being bullied in school and reading this, this is NOT an OK method for you! You shouldn’t have to spend all your energy to cover yourself up while your personality is still developing! YOUR SCHOOL HAS TO TAKE ACTION. This is THEIR job, NOT YOURS!

I rarely comment on a video but since I feel 2 extremely important aspects have been left out, I feel a great urge to add something and I’ll keep it brief:

1) this is a 50/50 method. If they’re just an average narcissist, they’ll probably leave you alone, yes. But if they get frustrated enough, they may resort to physical behavior. That’s where the “play dead like an animal and you’ll be left alone” analogy ends. If they feel like you’re actually sensitive and are just putting on a facade around them to get them to stop being toxic, they might start damaging your property, depending on where you encounter an actual psychopath - e.g. if it’s your neighbor you might find your front door has trash on it the next day, if it’s at work, the next morning your workplace might have misplaced items or unplugged cables. They’ll find ways to make sure you know it was probably them without you having any physical evidence, and put you in a position of powerlessness. The major flaw with this method is they’ll likely see you interact with others and realize deep down you care a lot. So it’s just a matter of time until you break - and then you’d be basically conditioning them intermittently instead of fighting them to associate you with boring reactions - which means it’ll INCREASE their behavior (because the rewards are further in between now). Not to mention how they might go after your loved ones or things you do care about and can’t just pretend to be indifferent about.

2) VERY IMPORTANT: this is a TEMPORARY solution. It’s a band-aid. Use this if you have to deal with this kind of person once a week, maybe every now and then. If you work full time and this is a coworker being toxic, this method can be disastrous for your mental health, because you basically have to hold your breath whenever there’s “toxicity” (your breath being your genuine self and emotions being held back) and for quick encounters this is great. But with time this wears you out and can actually plummet you right into depression or worse.

I THINK it would be better to address in this video for what specific kind of scenarios this method is useful, because while it sounds nice and dandy in theory, the real world is very complex and very often complex approaches are necessary.

My suggestion would be gathering physical evidence depending on the scenario to get legal action involved in case there is enough evidence to do so. Unless you’re a narcissist or mildly antisocial yourself, read: if you are a generally emotional, sensitive and caring person, then these people will hurt you, and getting as many people on your side as possible will not only act as a buffer and make you feel stronger but also possibly give the toxic person the feeling of rejection, hopefully making them rethink their behavior.

[livelikekings]

It takes two to play their game, so simply put “don’t play”

The gray rock technique saved my mind, body and soul from a Very very VERY toxic X wife.

[threethrushes]

No contact, and grey-rocking are good tools at a person's disposal.

Personally, I have found that with age, these tools become far easier to deploy and use naturally without fuss.

There are benefits of youth, but the benefits of experience are many and varied!

Keep rockin'.

[smoothie]

Turns out I've been doing this my whole life without knowing the name for it! But I must admit, afterwards I feel like I was being 'weak'. I'll stop thinking that now. XOXO

[tyegordon]

I've been using this on my father for years now and I just didn't really realize I was doing it. I learned when I was little that he stopped yelling sooner if I acted like I didn't care. Now I've gotten so used to not giving him emotion, that I can't. Even when times are okay, I'm a grey rock around him. Once I'm more independent from him I think I'll be fine with this, but it does get hard having to pretend that I'm happy around him when anytime I'm near him I only feel shut down. So the moral is, try not to ingrain this in yourself. Use this as a conscience strategy when necessary. Identify toxic behavior, but don't try to identify "toxic people." We all can have toxic moments, some more than others.

[deadsoon]

I naturally learned this method from having chronically abusive parents.

[narcicide]

I've been doing this method unknowingly in high-school when I was bullied consistently and on a daily basis. Sadly it only worked slightly, the method sometimes provoked the abuser to react even more. One of the abusers sounded like a narcissist and that method only infuriated him and made him abuse me further.

When he finally left the school everything changed for the better overnight, the air was different everyone was happy. I should have left first as the school was useless and a sinking ship but I didn't have the courage to at the time. Best thing to do is get away ASAP no matter what and be in a safer environment without such creatures, makes all the difference.