When The Gray Rock Method Is Reasonable With A Narcissist

When narcissists go into shut down mode, they mean it to be punishing. Dr. Les Carter describes how normal people can also pull way back from others, but it can be for the purpose of self-preservation. He describes what the gray rock method is and how it can keep you from being entangled inside a narcissist's dysfunction.

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Dr. Les Carter is a best selling author and therapist who has semi-retired to Waco, Tx. In the past 40+ years he has conducted more than 65,000 counseling sessions and many workshops and seminars. He specializes in anger management and narcissistic personality disorder.

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[Creating]

I think another way to think about it is if a 2 year old asked you a question that seemed strange or made you uncomfortable you would not feel like you needed to defend yourself or over explain. You would just give a brief response in kindness. The narcissist is basically a 2 year old in adult clothing.

[donna-colorado]

I am not being mean I am trying to protect myself.

[angelinasuazo]

Thats just it, that Im learning the hard way, its all about them maintaining the control!!

[Steven-rpzo]

If you must stay in contact, gray rock. If not, go no-contact. Life is short, avoid the demons as much as possible.

[nancybrownlee]

Not only is 'grey rock' reasonable, cutting off ALL contact is reasonable - if you can manage it. I finally stopped all contact with a sister about 12 years ago. The relief was incredible- felt like I could breathe, finally. It wasn't easy, but it was so worth it...

[lynnfincham]

When the narc goes in to shut down mode it matters not… it gives us all breathing space 😊

[michelepascoe]

Neutral grey rock is so different from their resentful, sullen, punishing silence. Grey rock is not rude or unkind; not contemptuous. It's just not giving them ammunition to use against you. No personal information, no emotion, no arguing. Just calm exterior whatever they do. It's my protection against pleading for their acceptance and understanding as I did for decades. I hope to be my calm, best self if ever we meet.

[Plantagenetic]

I simply smile, and reply, “Oh, well.”

[m.e.]

Gray Rocking turned me into a good listener. When I stopped sharing how I feel, I started to listen, mirror what they say, and ask, whilst at the same time avoiding to give opinions and suggestions to avoid to be quoted differently for their advantage.

[angelinasuazo]

EXACTLY!!!
"Someone warned me, saying, "Be careful what you say to him, because he'll use it against you later.

[bobspamail]

I found “gray rock” to be very effective even before I knew there was a term for it. I called my behavior ‘being boring’ to the attention seeker.

[catnc]

I don't like to grey rock, but sometimes it's necessary for my own mental health.

[pennylynch]

It says in the bible its ok to avoid troubled people. Its not that you're being nasty. Its ok to withdraw and keep yourself safe.
Listen to the nice Dr. Above! ❤️

[carolgarrett]

" Enter into Crazyville"! 😅I love it. THANK YOU for this presentation today.

[alimccreery]

It’s necessary to use grey rock and stonewalling to protect yourself. If you can use the DEEP method. Don’t Defend, Don’t Engage, Don’t Explain and Don’t Personalize 👍👍👍

[kathrynmolesa]

Just answer with an ok. Don't engage in any talk with them. It's a fun game for them to rile you up.

[davidp]

Lately I’m finding myself going grey rock more often. I feel better because of it.

[renee]

"You do not have to enter Crazyville"🚫
" Practice Self care" ❤️
Very important to remember!
Thank you, Dr.Carter xx

[freedomwarrior]

Short simple non emotional 'responses'. The second you 'react' you lose.
Another good one to remember is don't J.A.D.E. = justify, argue, defend or explain.

[beverlyorlando]

I successfully used the grey rock method to protect myself while planning my escape. I believe that months of using the method really turned my narcissist off. When I finally left, there wasn't any fight or drama as there had been on my previous attempts to leave. He was no longer being fed and I lost my usefulness in his eyes.