What does it mean to go 'gray rock'? (Glossary of Narcissistic Relationships)

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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.

THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.

[phinton]

Here in Kentucky we have geodes. A geode is a grey rock and looks like a clump of mud . When it's broken open, the inside is beautiful quartz crystal. I like to imagine I'm a geode.

[SaraSpruth]

You should receive a Nobel Peace Prize for providing these videos. Thank you!

[SheOpines]

Never share or confide in these people. They will ALWAYS hurt you!

[Nastie]

I tried and failed at gray-stoning my narcissistic mom. So, I cut all contact with her 3 yrs ago. When she realised that no grass would ever grow again for her on my pasture.she tried to saddle my daughter (grown up, married, 2 kids) instead. I was horrified, until I realised that, unlike me, my daughter is a past-master at grey-stoning narcissists — she’s so good, she can gray-stone her beloved gran without even offending her 😂. Example:
G drops in at D’s house unannounced, and just walks in without ringing the bell.
D stays calm and politely sends G away, as her visit doesn’t suit right now. G, with sarcastic undertone, — “Oh, what’s so important that you can’t spare 10 minutes for coffee with your granny?”
D, still calm and friendly, but firm, “Why don’t you text me and we’ll make out a coffee date.” Walking G back to the door and sending her on her away with a kiss on the cheek.
Notice?
1) D didn’t reprimand G for crossing D’s boundaries by dropping in unannounced, and walking in uninvited. Hence, she did not acknowledge G’s transgression, thus denying her the satisfaction of provoking An emotional reaction from D.
2) D didn’t answer G’s question, which would have been a form of justifying herself (which she needn’t do, either), nor did she provide any information about her day’s schedule, which would have been tantamount to opening it up to G’s scrutiny and evaluation.
3) By walking her back to the door, while talking, D gave G no choice than to leave D’s house, without further ado and without the satisfaction of having usurped more of D’s time than it took to turn on her heels and get back out.
4) By inviting G to text and make an “appointment”, D stays both polite to G and in control of her boundaries.
I’m so proud of my girl 😍

[lilianemaganti]

"dont give the best parts of yourself over to the narcissist" thank you. this is my motivation to try gray rock.

[sarah]

When I went grey rock with the narc ex-boyfriend, he wanted more and more of my attention. It is so shocking that once I made myself emotionless, how much he wanted me. But if I were empathetic and simply acting like a kind human being, he would treat me like crap.

[gintongaparador]

I always thought I was just overacting and being sensitive, but when I learned more about these terms, I've come to realize that I have been putting up with their emotional abuse and mind games for so long.

[Dogcatlover]

I grey rocked my family after years of mental abuse. I have peace.

[TheBleepings]

Another way to look at it "don't give the best parts of yourself, to the worst people."

[fruitypopwhickle]

1. Be okay with them kicking up a fuss when you begin gray rocking them. 2. Be okay with them getting bored with you and walking away. 3. Be okay them 'discarding' you. (That was after all the point). 4. Be okay when you realize they only saw you as a "thing" for their convenient use.

[notbornyesterday]

Q: How many victims of narcissism does it take to screw a light-bulb?
A: None - they detach and let it screw itself.

[christychristina]

My mother figured out I was 'grey rocking' her and that the game was over for her where I was concerned. This has triggered a neverending rage towards me. Angrier than ever and she is even worse now because she is MORE aggressive MORE cruel MORE demeaning to try to get a response. She has no one else she can use for supply- she's 73 yrs old and has burned all other bridges. This will only end when she passes away. I feel sorry for her somewhat but she isn't allowed to pull me down into her hole w her anymore.

[melhawk]

My end of a phone conversation with the narc: 'mmm', 'hmmm', 'oh', 'interesting', 'mmm', 'not sure', 'ohh', 'don't know', 'no idea', 'ok, bye'.

[cfjohnson]

When I was 14 years old I discovered what I now know is gray rocking. I Gray rocked narc. narc supporters, most of my family. The real pain was seeing that I would never have a normal, happy family.

[mirandadavis]

I was married to a narcissist for 20 years and I crawled out of the marriage on my hands and knees after being in therapy for 7 years. Now I am having to tend to the needs of my elderly narcissistic parents without losing myself again. These videos are incredibly helpful. I feel like you have known me all my life. Thank you for sharing your wisdom.

[drmtokes]

What I appreciate the most about grey rock is that I get to maintain my sense of integrity.... I don't need to be mean or cruel.... just non emotional. If you don't give them emotion, THEY have nothing to hook into to knock you off your center.

[neshia]

Damn, this could have saved me 10 years of my life.

[tiptapkey]

Gray rock became my permanent state because I did it unconsciously to deal with my mother. It's taken me many years to not default to that boring state when I'm around people with whom I'm unfamiliar, which has led to me having very few friends and no one paying much attention to me in the work place. This does work, but my advice is to always be aware you're doing this and have outlets for not doing it so you remember how to be yourself.

[AngelaJeanChat]

Just escaped my narcissist. What she says is so true, brace for impact ladies! After three weeks of no contact I started getting attack texts around 4 AM. My non-response has finally had him stop. As she says no more supply here with me. Yes it’s very painful to realize how disposable you are when you thought you were in a loving relationship. That is the hardest part. He’s still holding onto my things and won’t drop them off. I have started dating and I think I have attracted another one, proceeding very carefully this time!

[MercyGirl]

I guess as a kid I was gray rocking my mom and didn't even know it. She had this mean spirited habit of not letting me do something that I really wanted to do, even if it wouldn't cost her anything. In high school, there was a concert I really wanted to go to. She refused to agree to drive me and said she didn't like the band (a Beatles tribute band?). I was very upset and hurt and I got the distinct feeling she was enjoying my tears. From that point forward, I learned not to show how much something meant to me because she would make sure I didn't get it.