Narcissism and People Pleasing

Here’s the reality:

There's security in placing your value in how much you can do for others (because you're in control), stepping back from that requires courage and self-compassion. It’s not just about changing how you interact with others, but about fundamentally changing how you view and treat yourself. It's a journey towards recognizing your own worth and value independent of others' approval or disapproval.

#peoplepleaser #peoplepleasing #narcissist #narcissistic #narcissism #knowyourworth #fearofrejection #selfcompassion

[rue]

“Giving people loyalty they didn’t ask for doesn’t make them owe you anything.” Nipped my people pleasing in the bud, but everything else didn’t resonate. Relationships that lack reciprocity are not healthy, though. Inequal effort is key to toxicity

[heathergreen]

This is SUCH an important message for me!

[katlight]

This is actually really valid, like you just hit my entire personality on the nose

[Itsokayyyyyyy]

Amazing : giving poeple loyalty they didn't ask for doesn't make them owe you anything."

Accountability !!!! Thanks a lot

[ptlovelight]

I see a lot of people pleasers in the comments totally missed the point and the context of what he's saying here. He's not saying you're "bad" for being a people pleaser. He's asking you to reflect on why you overgive to others and are left feeling bitter when it isn't reciprocated. I dont agree with how he worded it as "self obsession" though...to me, its more a lack of self love is what the people pleaser feels. They overgive to the people in their life, hoping the other person will do the same, to fill the "void" they feel deep within themselves.

[Somethingfunny]

There really are far too many similarities between narcissists and people pleasers. It’s really made me look at my behavior and how I demand loyalty just because I give it, and too freely too quickly.
Thank you for your content

[sylskaterChannel]

I'm a people pleaser, I want to genuinely help people around me I want to make them happy because it makes me happy to see a smile on their face. The only thing I hope in return is that I don't get abused by that kindness, that it is not seen as an obvious thing that will happen everytime that someone needs help. It does happen that people get frustrated because they expected help from my part but I couldn't (either because I wasn't able to offer it or I wasn't in a good state myself to offer help). So I feel that saying that people pleaser expect seomthing in return is not a true statement. What is true on the other hand is that it is a behaviour that stems from past traumas or events.

[Jlina_]

He's right and it starts with accountability. The way I love isn't the way everyone else loves. Everyone has their own love language too. It was selfish of me to think that the way I was loving was the better way, when in fact it was just me projecting that inner child that was always rejected. I turned it into people pleasing so that in my subconscious I could excuse why people would pull back. "Its them they just don't love me, I love too much and they just don't appreciate it." Truth is I was just projecting what i hadn't healed. Trust me it turns into making your significant other feel like they aren't enough for you and I'm so sorry its taken this video to realize this 😢

[Bubblies]

When I stopped people pleasing I lost friends and I even cut ties with family. I’m lonelier than before but I guess I’m not wearing that mask anymore.

[stina]

After 30 years of abuse, of being isolated, I think I have every reason to be bitter. To be treated like a narcissist, as unsafe - after putting others above myself for so long, thinking I was the problem, then realizing I was fucking abused - that would make the kindest person pissed off and bitter, having no true friends and just wanting one true friend. My whole life proves this is problematic, this is only going to hurt people

[DemFoam]

I was just telling a friend this. The root is the same. Lack of self-love. But the outcome is different. Either there is outward perception of flawlessness or people pleasing. They both come from the same thing. Trauma, abuse, being in a narcissistic society, honestly. ❤

[Totsuka_Uchiha]

I don´t want to make people owe me something, everything i do is for free, because i am too scared to say no, and too scared of them judging me if i‘m not acting like the kind person that i try to be.
I don‘t want anyone to love me, i just want people not to hate me for once..

[HiddenName-kr]

Personal story-

I had an ex that was manipulated by their original relationship, and I knew that when I started dating them. We both realized that it wouldn’t work, so we stayed friends, but the longer I knew them, the more things I saw. I realized how much they gave me that I wouldn’t give them. I felt bad about it and I told them and asked them not to do so much or think they had to do so much for me that I didn’t ask for. They still continued to do it after I asked to stop, and I realized that the reason they did this was not because they wanted me happy, but because they wanted me to be their friend. Which I don’t really like it when people buy my friendship. And I told them that. They got defensive and said “all I have ever done was a given you everything and all you want is more and still don’t give me an equal!” I never asked for them to give me that stuff, if anything I asked them to stop giving me so much. Plus any time I started hanging out with my other friend they would get defensive and jealous about it. Now I understand what they went through, but I was never an a hole about it and I never blamed it or guilted my friends about it. So when I finally tried to end the friendship for the 15th time, they gaslit me and blackmailed me to stay with them. After a year of them constantly saying “I’ll change” and “I’ll do better.” When they never did. People pleasing is just as bad as manipulation. I understand if you have been through something in the past and I am sorry if you ever have. However don’t run it on others and please don’t say things like “I’ve been through a lot.” Or “I will unalive myself if you leave me.” Please, please, please don’t do that. It doesn’t help anything. If you need help, then go talk to someone professional, and deal with it in a different way. Don’t think that inviting more people in your life is going to fix everything, and don’t think that because you give your going to get anything in return.

[totallyathome]

I spent 5 years learning to tune myself out from expecting smth in return when I help others to helping them because I love them. Sometimes I still catch myself. But it was a lesson I learnt through heartbreak and struggles.

It's really freaking tough but it's doable. And worth it.

[Hidenka]

Well no I was a people pleaser but its not about self obsession its about trying to fit in the society . Most of people pleasers are neurodivergent persons who try to mask their stimming and fidgeting. What people pleasers do is self loathing. They are also likely have been abused too. When a people pleaser starts to heal and step out from their role as you mentioned they will betrayal by the others. Buts its not because they a self obsessed but because they will realise how many people used them for their personal gain. They will feel anger sadness frustration but not because they expect something back. They will feel this because many people will be offended and harmfull towards them because they are stand ing up for them-self and do not let others using them as a mental trash can. Also most of the people pleasers are victims of narcissist. So I do advise to do more research of this topic before you make a video about it. Furthermore help people pleasers not villainize them.

[elizabethgropali]

I am a people pleaser from the perspective of helping people needs and being useful in society and my circle. The only problem is that my specific feature is passive to my consciousness and i need to change that. I will help only people that are really in need in general. And learn to say no.

Indeed, there are many people pleasers with motives, but i am not that kind of person. Imin fact, many people are not recognise my efforts and don't appreciate my kind nature of giving unconditionally.

People need to change and see the good side, it's not only giving, but also taking as well.

[tiffanypaxton]

This is a great explanation and perspective

[karenr]

This describes me 😢 I have some work to do! Thank you for the information ❤

[ashleyamber]

I’ve always been a people pleaser and once I dove into mental health more I also found myself identifying with narcissism but knew I wasn’t actually narcissistic. This makes so much sense.

[kat]

What about when you're married and you give 100% of loyalty and faithfulness and you do not get it in return? Am I now a narcissist for expecting that back from you? Or am i supposed to just go, oh well, 11 years for nothing? And then I say to myself, a person cannot give you what they don't have. Everybody's circumstances are different i get it. I guess im old school. Get what you give! I dislike labels.