Overcoming the Fear of Rejection & Building Relationships with Autistic People

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[jimwilliams]

I’m old and out of practice — not that I was ever really in practice — so my experience may not be relevant. But I’ll note that the few times in my life that I figured out a woman might be flirting with me, I generally panicked. So it may be that, for some autistic men, being friend friendly is the best place to start. I had enough experience, growing up, with having one friend that it didn’t seem that strange to me. But dating stuff was always scary, because you’re supposed to do...what?...and I am not naturally romantic. Get into that territory and there’s a long ways to fall.

[laurab.]

My husband and I were friends first, and I had no idea at the time he asked me out but I was the only person he had ever been comfortable enough with to enjoy being closer than 2-4 feet away

[everalinemoss]

The thing that depresses me most is that there was a girl I really liked when I was young, many many years ago, who I used to think I was getting friendly with. But she suddenly got angry at me one day and just started shouting at me and accusing me of always "leading her on". I had no clue what that phrase meant at the time, so I assumed it meant that she wasn't interested in me. But now I think that perhaps she was actually expecting me to deny that allegation, and be more direct with my confessions. But... it was only many many years later that I even considered the fact that maybe just maybe, she was perhaps interested in me too. I haven't talked to her for 10+ years now... but I still wonder how she's doing. I hope she's well. It's reflecting on things like this that make me realise how inept at living in the real world I am, and I hate it.

[morgansidhe]

Me: many of my failures are due to the rejections on top of the other rejections in family, personal relationships, work. The neurodivergence didn't help. There is no level playing field for me. On the other hand, I can make room for another person who is honest, respects boundries, and tries to have positive relations with life.

[abomb]

Miss out on many, not some.
Trying to understand Real Actual flirting, vs friend zone games and behavior is Really confusing, especially in a environment like work/school

[laurachow]

I'm autistic and have always made the first move in every relationship. I fully admit though that I have "pretty privilege" and have rarely been rejected romantically, I've actually had to reject quite a few people. Not trying to be egotistical, if someone thought I was unattractive I wouldn't be offended, beauty is highly subjective, but I know I fit US cultural norms for attractiveness and those who don't get a lot of undeserved hate/rejection.

I believe true beauty comes from within, I've often fallen in love with people I didn't find attractive at first. Good luck to those looking for love. You deserve it!!! ❤❤❤

[kazemitsuki]

I suspect I got the PDA end of the spectrum (not yet officially diagnosed though) and when I met a boy 4 1/2 years ago I was thinking about asking him out, but couldn't quite do it... fear of rejection and so on... But then another girl made some jokes about asking him out (I mistook it for her being honest) and then I had to ask him out or else my opportunity would have been lost .... He is a kind, gentle, a bit dense sometimes and extroverted neurotypical person and we have been together for 4 years now... But maybe I wouldn't have made this move if there wasn't this girl that made a joke I took for real (I asked her later on, she was really just making a joke and there were no grudges)

Btw it took us half a year to be a couple... We were playing dnd together since our first date and I was silently admiring him ... But after half a year of this he finally made the "second" move that really got us together....

[frauwerum]

My boyfriend isn't autistic, but neurodivers, too and all this years we just were best friend, because I was dating someone else, which wasn't good for me, but that's another Story, I wittnesed he couldn't flirt with woman, because he simply doesn't know why.

[chrissy-]

This is how i had to be with my now husband (who is really on the spectrum, whether or not he believes it 😊)... I came up with something he could help me with, so we spent more time together. Then i asked him to lunch to thank him for his help. After that 4 hour lunch, including a long walk in the park, i said, this was great, let's do it again sometime! To which he enthusiastically said, "oh, absolutely!" Next he asked me to shop for a bike with him, and a month later we had our first date 😂 it takes patience, and respect, but most importantly we just loved being around each other, and still do, over 20 years later ❤

[HntrSvrsn]

Not just this but I'll have someone im attracted to come up and interact with me olny to realize 5 hours later that they were flirting with me and i didnt know 💀

[ticketforepic]

This holds for any and all aspects of social life.

[YokiDokiPanic]

I'm neurotypical, my partner is autistic. I made ALL the moves and now we've been happily together for 17 years! Don't rely on classic gendered courtship etiquette when trying to get with an autistic man, it's just not how that works out, haha.

[MiljaHahto]

It doesn't have to start out with flirting. My partner simply asked me on a date (after we had met through mutual friends and noticed e get along well). For me as a probably autistic person that was a relief - I knew exactly where we are.

I've made moves before, and my experience with that is that if I make all moves, in the end I'm not quite sure if the man was really interested as well, or if he just took the chance as he *could* get me. Because some events have caused me to suspect the latter, even after years.

[steveg]

Fear of rejection, a.k.a. rejection sensitivity disorder, also applies to competitive job hunting. Here in America, companies increasingly have many rounds of job interviews, group interviews, and various hoops you have to jump through to get a prized college level job. It’s quite Difficult for autistic people to get those jobs even if they are qualified or even overqualified.

[KnockedupNout]

I'm Demi (no one is interesting and I'm not interested. DO NOT hit on me😡.) so my fear of rejection doesn't really apply to dating but it absolutely does with friendships! I've only been interested in 2 people in my life but the first one was a shit show from the get go and the second is...healing. So making a move is thankfully off the table but we've been friends a long time and he knows, but I value our friendship and his healing, if nothing ever happens then I'm still lucky to be friends with such an incredible human.

[jarmoliebrand]

I struggle to make the first move in anything. Also just platonic approaches. I imagine a possibly romantic first move would be ever harder.

[codingneko]

My theyfriend is autistic, they made the first move. Not all autistic people are the same.

[JEDonnert]

Great. I'm autistic and the guy flirt with at work I'm pretty sure is autistic...
It doesn't go past just being flirty with each other but I'd really like it too

[shevanz]

I think i fear that if i make the first move then the other party wont be as invested as i am. I guess thats the whole point of dating i guess.

[LordMegatherium]

How can I make this guy that I like, who happens to be in a wheelchair, go trail running with me? Well, you see, how do I put this... 😁