How To Overcome a Fear of Rejection and Find Yourself #AskATherapist

How To Overcome a Fear of Rejection and Find Yourself #AskATherapist //

The best way to overcome a fear of rejection and to find your identity in the process, is to love yourself with all your broken parts. It's actually easier than you think. Watch this video to see how easy it can be to overcome a fear of rejection and find yourself along the way.

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#identity #rejection #fearofrejection #mendedlight #jonathandecker

[aFadaMadrinha]

Hey Jonathan, I imagine that this video was hard to do. It's one thing to reflect, learn about yourself and grow and a completely different thing to publicly share all of this. I know all this bullying during your childhood is part of why you are the compassionate and cool guy you are today, but still I'm sorry you had to go through this and I wish there had been an easier way. Hats off for bravely sharing your story and showing vulnerabilty to connect with us. We really appreciate that!

[sanecatlady]

I've always liked the saying that rejection is a process and it leads you to who is right for you. The context behind it is dating but it can definitely apply to other situations like finding a job, making new friends, etc. Rejection doesn't mean something is wrong with you, it just means you have a better match elsewhere

[sharonsomers]

In a moment of introspection, I realized that I had been fake to so many people. I was never confident in their affection because I thought they loved my facade. So one day I realized that the only way people could love me was to show me. Sure, I lost a lot of people who preferred the one who just agreed with everything and refused to take a stand. But I met and married a man with every confidence that he loved me. He knew me, all of me, because I hid nothing. And that wasn't possible before I decided to be honest.

And all those people who didn't like the real me? Turns out they weren't the people I wanted to be friends with after all. We weren't a good match, and that was something I couldn't figure out because I wouldn't stand up for myself.

And dating is kind of like picking adjectives. You figure out what you can't live with and you find somebody you can't live without. Some people find others who are everything the first shot out, and that's great. But sometimes we find people we love but can't live with. And that's not a failed relationship, that's just life. Friends are made, and friendships break. To think that there would be anything less in life is just...wild.

[eyes]

I love this guy he's so authentic, he encourages me in knowing that vulnerability isn't toxic or "trauma dumping"

[Imoenn]

I used to feel this way but I've recently learned of fear of being disposed. My father is a narc and mother might be the same I've been told for most of my life to forgive and forget even though I never got any compassion or empathy just a cold dismissal and treated like a problem. Now I've cut them all out as they would always try to make me apologize for being attacked, found my self worth at long last and said enough is enough.

Still have the feeling of going back but I just remind myself of the cost and then I realise I made the right choice.

Cinema therapy has helped me so much

[tinaperez]

Jonathan is literally one of the best and most helpful people - granted among many, but still, he's one of them, plus we need more, not fewer.

Whenever he shares how he suffered so badly and unfairly especially when he was a young kid, it's hard to hear or understand, though I get that stuff does happen.

It sure would be nice for people to be so much more in touch with and aware of all the good stuff about themselves and be proud of that (in a healthy way) and own how beautiful we all are in our own ways and in so many ways.

Everyone's got so many positive things if they could just realize that and appreciate it.

It would be a great thing if children were taught how to love themselves (in a healthy way) and be their own cheerleader no matter what happens to them, how others treat them, or how hard life can be or the mistakes they make, etc.

With all the high quality mental health, relationship, communication, and personal development skills training and information available for free online now, there might actually come a time maybe even in this century, where the world might actually get smarter about all this stuff.

[jamiewagner]

I really needed this. I didn't realize that i was feeling burnt out because i was always extending grace and compassion to others, but not to myself. So I was trying to be the one to hold everyone and everything together as my value and self-worth, when that's not who I am. I can ask for the things I need and trust that the people i love want to do that for me. I don't have to do it all on my own to try to prove that I matter. Taking care of myself is important. Loving myself is important. Being myself, flaws and all, is important. Being human is important.

[williamstollery]

Jono, I don't know if you check the comments on old videos like this. But as someone who is also a Christian, who's at a place where he's struggling with his self-worth and depression, and with his faith in God - truly accepting that God loves me no matter what - this is exactly what I needed to hear. Both right now in my day, and in my life as a whole. Thank you so much for this message. I really think God has spoken through you here, and I can't praise Him enough for how He's using you to bring about His goodness. God bless <3

[sassyblondewriter]

When I was dating my now spouse in college, I distinctly remember a moment where they asked me "who do you want me to be? I'll turn myself into who ever you want, " which I now realize about a decade later was a sign of a dreamer personality and fear of rejection. As someone who has always known who she is, I didn't understand the question but I remembered thinking to myself that I would never change for anyone, so I said I wanted them to be themselves because that was who I fell in love with. Thank you for this video that helps me understand the amazing person I married and see how much growth they've made

[hillarybergen]

When you spoke about God, this memory came back to me.

I helped found an "alternative religious" group when I was in college. It was very difficult, but one of the best things I could have done. We had neo-Pagans of all shapes, sizes, and styles, along with many world religions that were not represented by the established religious groups that already existed.

We had a "welcome ritual" at the beginning of each meeting, where we would pass around our talking stick to each person, no matter how many people were there, no matter how long it took. Each person would start by stating their name, and they would get in response, "Welcome, *name*! What's your problem?" from the other 15-30 people in the room.

We meant it--we wanted to know who you were, what had brought you to us, and whether we could help with whatever challenges you happened to be facing. It had started as a joke, but now I realize that we gave many vulnerable people a safe space to be heard, accepted, and helped when everywhere else they were met with silence, rejection, and bullying for how they saw the Divine, and for what they believed to be sacred.

Maybe it's time to stop thinking that I haven't accomplished much in my life. Maybe, as uncomfortable as it feels, it's time to embrace myself for a change.
🌻

[alexandraratliff]

My spouse has been incredibly patient throughout my same struggles. It's important to remember that these fear of rejection behaviors often are what make people not trust us/choose to not have us in their lives and not be in ours.
There will always be people who reject us, but we owe it to the people we care about and to ourselves to be honest about who we are and what we feel/think/etc.

Otherwise we're living lives not as ourselves, but as a shapeshifter of who we think we're meant to be. I've been doing that for so long that I am struggling now with figuring out who I actually am. and what my real thoughts and feelings are.
And living like that comes along with fear of being found out. anxiously waiting for people to see who we "really" are and abandon us/reject us. Thank you for sharing this video with us

[tasiaalex]

“You wouldn’t hurt your friend, right? You wouldn’t say horrible things to your friend, right? You wouldn’t want your friend to end their life, right? Be your friend! Treat yourself like a FRIEND!” - my mom:)

Best advice during my depression. Best advice EVER received. Be a friend to yourself. The rest will follow.

Every time there’s a negative thought, I say, “Don’t hurt my friend.” Make sure the bad thoughts go away. Don’t entertain hurting yourself.

[kai-hvnx]

When he got to that part of getting your heart broken i resonate with that soo much.... i feel like no woman could legitimately love me so i dont try or give up the first sign of them not liking me... i feel like alot of men go though this and it leads to male depression and lonliness as well as male self deletion. I wish woman understood how much they hurt a man when they just throw them away like they're nothing....

[afra]

I always have so much admiration for you and just how willing you are to be vulnerable on here and i hope you know that It also helps me try to be more vulnerable and open when it comes to stuff like this.

[swenquin]

Today I have the first date with a girl in about 8 years. And I am freaking out. I recognized my self in what you said in this video Jonathan. I would rather see someone else happy than my self because I already made up my mind that I am not good enough years ago. I have been struggling with weight and health issues all my life and my Self-Image is almost nonexistent.
It gives me some comfort that I know the girl I am meeting has the same struggles so there is a mutual understanding. I have been sitting alone at home for yrs and it is about high time I stop feeling bad and get to work! Wish me luck people!

[elaineb]

One of the many reasons my plushie sharky helps me is how hard I find it to say good things about myself. Instead, I can have her say those things. Things like, that embarrassing thing doesn't stop me loving you, or, that small achievement makes me so proud of you, etc...

Cheers for being so vulnerable!!! I too was bullied in school, so I feel you there xxx Huggles & sharky snuggles xxx

[milaalt]

This is exactly what I have needed to hear for myself. I was the looser in school growing up and felt like the odd individual out. Now, being older I am trying to love myself and create healthy boundaries with those that decide to reject me

[BlueMoonlight]

Did you just smell my mental breakdown or what?
Good timing 😅

[josevigil]

Thank you for being brave and vulnerable, reminding us that healing can't be done through guilt and punishment, but through kindness and compassion. It is beyond inspiring, it is hopeful and bright. Thanks for bringing light.

[c.p.]

It's helpful to see somebody struggling with similar things to me but moving forward. Overcoming. Thank you for sharing. I think we view "overcoming weakness" as in getting rid of the weakness, but I think maybe it's learning to live with the weakness instead.