CPTSD AND SIGNS YOU ARE SETTLING FOR LESS THAN YOU DESERVE | DR. KIM SAGE

This video describes the signs in how children raised with chronically emotionally wounding parents and childhoods, often learn to settle for less than they deserve, and how they learn that anything less than terrible, is tolerable. This video also provides questions to ask yourself to assess if you are settling in a relationship, situation, job, service, etc.

FREE CHECKLIST: DO I HAVE NARCISSISTIC AND/OR BORDERLINE PARENTS?

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Please check out my courses (LINK ABOVE):

1. BORDERLINE AND NARCISSISTIC PARENTS: HEALING AND DEALING WITH YOUR TRAUMA

(*This course is designed specifically for you if you were raised by parents who had Narcissistic, Borderline or significantly Emotionally Immature parents.)

2. RE-MOTHERED: TRANSFORM YOUR WOUNDED INNER CHILD INTO AN INTERNALIZED, LOVING "MOTHER"

(***This course is designed to help you learn to heal your inner child AND your inner parent if you experienced a complicated childhood or challenging relational wounds).

3. IDENTIFYING CHILDHOOD EMOTIONAL ABUSE AND NEGLECT (FREE COURSE)

CHECKLIST IS INCLUDED IN ALL 3 COURSES!!

xo

* Additionally, I am only able to work with California residents for weekly therapy once available. If you are interested, please also add in a few brief details in your email including your reasons for seeking treatment, current diagnoses, concerns, etc.

Thank you so very much, and I wish you love and healing on your journey.:)

[txspacemom]

My soon to be ex told me once that I don't like being the center of attention and I can't hold eye contact. He knows about my trauma and no, I don't like being the center of attention, it's uncomfortable. He laughs at me about it. He gives bare minimum and while I am overwhelmed, I recognize it and I am moving forward. I stopped letting him determine my feelings or making me feel like I am just crazy. I no longer accept bare minimum from him or anyone else. And my cats turn on my tv all the time! LOL <3 the realness.

[Tutto]

The lady who did my nails disrespected me in such an awful way last time she did my nails… I never came back. But it took me ignoring a lot of previous mistreatment on her behalf. I felt bullied and it provoked me to have an emotional flashback. I am a grown adult and should not tolerate bad treatment from anyone.

[arqana]

Amazing vídeo! I have always believed that I was a mediocre student, professional, daughter, until I met my wife who cherishes me exactly the way I am. I stopped working in a really shitty job in October and I've been in a heavy crisis ever since, because I don't feel worthy of having a nice career, even though people are always telling me how capable I am. At least I am in therapy and trying do deactivate the fight or flight mode.

[singingdoc]

I felt this deep in my soul. Not only did I subconsciously accept the "bare minimum" due to my childhood experiences, I was taught that I should only EXPECT the bare minimum. There of course were many societal reasons for this at the time, though that aspect was thankfully changing as I grew into young adulthood. But I do remember so many mixed messages from my mother about what to expect from life and she often backed it up with painful situations. Most notably the egregious double standard for my brother and I (although there were multiple ridiculous factors for why she engaged in that nonsense, including cultural ignorance). And that old tired trope that I had to work twice as hard for half as much. Who in God's name wants to work themselves to death for crumbs? Btw, she only told this to me, not my brother, who was always granted clemency no matter what foolishness he got into.

The instances where I have accepted less than I deserve are too numerous to count, though I did manage to stand up for myself successfully in the more insufferable situations. To this day, I am still struggling with this, as are many women since part of our conditioning in a patriarchal society is to settle, particularly in romantic relationships. The bar for women's behavioral standards in relationship has been set in the stratosphere while that for men is buried somewhere with Atlantis. That too is starting to shift and its about damn time!

[DrKimSage]

Hi all! Hope you are well! This one just came up for me last weekend, my next video will be about the impact of Narcissistic Mothers, and how they impact our childhoods and adult lives and relationships. In the meantime, do you find that you have settled for less than you deserve, or for the bare minimum in situations, relationships, services, etc? I truly hope you find this helpful...xo

[pebblebrookbooks]

Negative ppl can lull us into learned helplessness easier than other folks. Oftentimes cptsd sufferers feel like we have fewer options than other ppl and "we'll Never find another gym, doctor, specialty store, etc"...

[csstudio]

Feeling all of this so much! My newest strategy for leaving situations that don't serve me anymore is to just ease out of them rather than make clean break lol.

[lo-ulnq]

Thank you, you're so right about everything. It's so true. I got C-Ptsd from the abuse. I am a 47 female who is t he oldest out of five children my parents had. I am Empath. I went to Jesus cause of the abuse. Jesus is our hope. God is Love. My confidence is in God. I know my worth and values. My peace comes from God. God is great all the time. I always been the black sheep in my family. I been a Christian for over ten years. I have supportive friends from church. We are Good Enough for God. We are fearfully and wonderful in God's image. I walk away from Narcissists. I stay calm, and quiet. Its not worth it to say anything to Narcissists since they dont get it at all. Both of my parents are Narcissists so is my grandmother. My brothers and sisters are Narcissists Enablers.

[allwellandgood]

Yes to all of this! It made me think about just how many areas of life this shows up in. So many times I should have realised months ago that I was allowing myself to be taken advantage of or that my time was being disrespected. Because we wouldnt dream of doing it to someone else but our past blinds us to the fact that we are allowing it to be done to us. Thank you Dr Sage and naughty Coco with the TV was funny 😂❤️

[Jennicorn]

This video was SO helpful! I realized that a lot of what I'm settling for isn't just what I expect from other people - but how much space I allow myself to take up with my personality. I struggle with being authentic in social interactions because growing up, saying the wrong thing would cause world war 3. I learned to just grin and bear it during all social interactions, because they would probably be hurtful and I wouldn't get my needs met. Now I subconsciously turn off my real emotions in public and just go into "smiley mode" where I say generic nice things and don't really share much of myself. It's like a customer service voice but all the time, and I've done it for so long that I don't even know who I am in public without it. Breaking out of that and trying to be genuine is so hard, but I think I'm making slow progress. Your videos are a huge reason for that, so thank you for all you do!! PS Hearing that Coco turned on the TV totally made me smile!

[Nuverselive]

The authenticity of Coco and you is amazingly beautiful and refreshing. I no longer edit these events because it helps ppl see we're all human in a world of so many idols!

[jameswayton]

Thanks for making these videos kim. I thanked you before some months ago. In the meanwhile a week ago i learned i have CPTSD. Becoming aware of this is such a big piece of understanding who i am, wich is what has been lacking so badly. Its strange how pschologists do not seem to understand the importance of getting diagnosed with things like this. I keep telling them this over and over but they don't seem to understand it at all.

I think people in general have no idea how it feels to find out you never really excisted and missing a sense of identity wich is connected to things like CPTSD. It means everything. And they treat it more like ''oh this diagnose is a handy tool you/we can use to help you'' and thats it.

[Roguedaisey]

I love that you are so genuine with your audience. Coco turning the TV on cracked me up .. I love that you left that in your video! Thank you for your wisdom that you are sharing .. it is really helping me! 🌺🌼

[xeniyashilina]

If it’s not terrible it’s tolerable - beautifully said

[cielle]

I definitely feel like this in my relationships. Made to feel like I have to compromise on my standards

[FeliciaShare]

Thank you so much for pointing out these behaviors. If known before healing would have been so much help. I believe knowing this I wouldn't question all these rollercoster behaviors

[christineewing]

I found your channel in the last few days, and your videos are helping me to understand a lot more things. I have cPTSD, and I have a good therapist. Most recently, we've been discussing my living situation - I live with an ex-partner (who is autistic), and have done for many years. I've had to face the fact that it's an abusive situation.. My therapist believes that the situation is perpetuating my trauma. Now, I'm watching your video, and yes, I am settling for less than I deserve! You have explained things so well - as a child, I had to tolerate the intolerable. My current situation is nowhere near as bad, so it's "tolerable". So, thank you for helping me today Dr Sage.

[__Fatimah__]

you're so honest with the vid as you showed the side of being triggered and aware and change it in real time. thank you

[irunwithscissors]

All of this….so so much. I think this is why I’ve shutdown. I couldn’t quite put my finger on why I’ve shutdown but after listening to this I think I’ve figured it out. This was so very helpful to me, thank you. 💜

[Thoa]

Thank you for your videos. Your explanations are compassionate and informative. This is my life! Because of my childhood, I’ve waste so much time being in unstable and unhappy relationships because my only criteria for a guy is that he doesn’t strike me. It was a win for me that I held to that standard, not knowing that I can ask for much more. Now I feel like I am an avoidant, and afraid of letting anyone in too close. I push away people who triggers me, even for a brief while. The plus is that I am finally listening to my feelings instead of brushing them aside to cope. If I don’t want to deal with you, I won’t.