How ADHD Ruins Relationships

... and what to do to prevent it.

ADHD and communication difficulties:

ADHD and breakups:

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"Carefree"
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0

[ABCsofADHD]

Ooh, this video was particularly hard to write/ make. Preemptive apology for slipped pronouns, I didn't even notice until I was uploading it. Also trying out putting in a little humor while editing.

[miriamfrances]

Thank you very much. Here is a perspective of a woman who was with a man with ADHD. I think the key is that the person who has ADHD in the relationship needs to want things to be better, at least in my case. My 10 year relationship just recently ended because he just didn't want to make things better. I couldn't handle it anymore, and I think I tried my best to be understanding and compassionate, but I reached my limit I guess. It's such a shame because the love was there, but I couldn't live with that child/parent dynamic anymore, doing all of the housework and pet care, driving, shopping, cooking, budgeting, home and lawn maintenance...all on my own, constantly being disappointed, broken promises, holidays ruined because of misunderstandings then days of silence; and picking up the slack financially when he kept losing his jobs. It's not that he didn't know he had ADHD, it's just he was convinced nothing would fix it and that's how he'd be the rest of his life. He didn't reveal he had ADHD until a year into our relationship. I would never have known but he was putting up a front to hide it. For the next 9 years, I researched ADHD to see how I could help - I even went to a therapist when things got bad so I could get advice on how to live with him and deal with him better because I just didn't want to end the relationship. But in the end, he refused personal and couples counselling so I had to walk away. And the worst part is that he knew that if he didn't start to try to help himself, at least with a few baby steps, that it would end things, yet, he seemed not to care. I'm very sad about that to be honest. And you're right, many nights I feel asleep crying, feeling unloved, uncared for and frankly unsafe with him. At the end, everything I said was taken as an offence and I thought I was going crazy. I feel a sort of sad relief now that I'm free. Thanks for letting me talk about this, it's still very raw!!

[SeaSands]

Exactly what happened to me but I couldn’t take his inability to focus on the relationship and often felt I was a non priority so I had to break it off . We both deserve to be happy and being a woman that needs quality communication and attention, an ADHD partner isn’t compatible for me.

[fredriccuthbertson]

I'm the husband of ADHD wife....18 yrs married and I'm suffering from anxiety and I've taken my ring off. I'm sooo exhausted and emotionally drained with responsibilities on the home and bills. I'm almost at wits end...I can't anymore. My wife really needs help with parenting, responsibility, home finances. I recently gave her 40k to help start her business. Business is great but I'm now responsible for discipline, home maintenance, bills and other stuff., I don't know what to do at this point and fear losing everything Ive worked Soo hard for with renovations on the home by myself. I love my home and I love my wife/daughter but I just can't do this anymore

[sean-michaelgopaul]

I want to say ADHD and proud...but sometimes I just wanna be normal, so my relationship can be okay again

[JD-gmwq]

No relationship is supposed to be 24 hour work. Being in a relationship with someone who has ADD or ADHD is exhausting. Life is waayyy too short to spend your day walking on broken glass trying to figure out why they are ignoring you, why they get super defense about a simple question, why they walk away mid sentence and the list goes on. Love doesn't look like that at all so first ask yourself if you want to sign up for this because this is WHO they are, you are not going to change them.

[sarahemcoop]

“If you can’t handle me at my worst you don’t deserve me at my best” ❤️ do your OWN self work, just going to therapy isn’t enough, I encourage you guys with ADD/ADHD to research yourself (as hard as it is) learn about yourself, take some notes so you won’t keep repeating the same mistakes friends! It is very hard, but it is definitely worth it! You may learn some things about yourself you didn’t realize. It’s very important that we don’t use our “learning disability” as an excuse to not get things done, and not accomplish the things we want to accomplish. It’s hard, but we can do it! ❤️

[AngryPanda.]

Me a few years ago thinking my ex's were clingy and over-reacting then there's me now realising I was the problem. :/

[mikewizoski]

I would not date ADD person again 7 years wasted and it was very traumatic and painful experience. In real situations of real emergencies my partner was simply incapable of any proper assistance. It was really too much. Although I can imagine he would be much happier if he also dated someone with add/adhd because they would understand each other struggles and conditions in a meaningful manner.

[Terenablakely]

Just broke up a relationship with a adhd guy . I was lonely he never made plans incluing me or never had time to myself i tried help understand and support him, cause I really like and wanted to build a solid relationship with him, but even the communication wasn’t going well at the point but he didn’t make effort to try always full of excuses hidden from face situations and I felt he wasn’t at any point honest to me . Even the fact of know he was adhd i had i real talk and asked because was too much obvious not because he had told me. So i have broken communication but don’t think at all he will try to talk to me again. He broke up trough whatsapp msg he even called me to not face me . Even he is 35 years old i felt in a relationship with a teenager boy.

[dawnp]

😮 This was one of the best videos on the problems in ADD relationships.

[ShellyValeras]

I was diagnosed with ADHD as a kid but wasn't told anything about it. Learning now, from your video, that my inability to focus, my lapse in intrest, and my difficulties in my relationship are caused by it kinda made me cry. I went through so much just to find out it's something i can't fix. I only hope my SO can find the patience to deal with me longer. We've been together for 2 years and I'm so happy he's stayed with me.

[donokun]

About 6 months ago i had a break-up with a woman I loved because of my ADHD. At the time I was not diagnosed and let's say after 9 months she had enough and she decided to walk away. I don't blame her for walking away I understand that it is not fair to have her deal with the burdens of ADHD. But it still breaks my heart because I really was trying to fix it even if it didn't seem like I was. And back then I didn't have the right knowledge and resources to combat my ADHD only after the breakup did I really start to question what was wrong with me. I'm still incredibly heartbroken and any advice would be appreciated.

[pualo]

In a nutshell. I lost the best possible partner because of my adhd. I'm shattered.

[lvpelt]

Cried for half an hour after seeing this video

[frankly]

Only solution is to get the heck out of the relationship with an ADHD. No reason to walk on egg shells and go through all the frustration for the rest of your life.

[rubieaxz]

Exactly what I’m feeling for two years and now we have huge argument again.. same issues all over again. he always sau sorry but then repeating the same mistakes and telling me same things like “Well I was just...Why am I the bad person now?” It sucks. I love him but I am not sure if how long can I stand this because he just doesn’t listen to me..

[aliciamack]

I’m currently dating someone who is ADHD and we only met two times but I feel like he’s moving way too fast and I feel love bombed and I feel a little anxiety because he pouring onto me too fast and I feel like he likes me too much to the point I feel like I’m responsible for his happiness and self esteem..I want this to work cause he’s a good guy, but I already sense he is overly excited and wants to jump to things fast and I’m the opposite. I have to take my time although I’m ready to get married and have children. I don’t rush getting to know somebody especially if somebody start feeling me this deep after only meeting two days, what to do. We had several talks about slowing down, taking our time to get to know each other, but he still is moving fast. I hope this makes sense.

[moya-gayehamilton]

This is what caused a bad break-up between my bf and I. And the worse part is I still love him. Thnx soooo much 4 ur vid! Very informative!

[nathanmbj]

You just told the story of my last relationship!