How To Cope with an Imperfect Partner

One of the stranger but more powerful discoveries of psychotherapy is that the average baby firmly believes it has two mothers and that this belief profoundly affects our future relationships.

FURTHER READING

“One of the stranger but more powerful discoveries of psychotherapy is that the average baby firmly believes it has two mothers. Mother 1 is kind, she comes when it calls, she gives it milk as soon as it needs it, she's sweet-natured and generous, wondrous and eminently deserving of love. But then there's another Mother, a far more challenging and terrifying proposition whom we can call Mother 2: and she sometimes doesn’t give baby milk exactly what it wants when it wants it, she occasionally fails to interpret its needs, she can misjudge the temperature of the water at bath time, she has friends who come around and distract her and a phone that rings; she gets it wrong…”

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CREDITS

Produced in collaboration with:

Nicky Francis

Title animation produced in collaboration with

Graeme Probert

[phatato]

This channel is such a breath of fresh air when it comes to this topic, in a world where we are constantly obsessed with "red flags" and "problematic" behaviors with people.

[Booga]

I can blame others for the trauma I have but it’s my responsibility to not let that hold me back in life. I’m responsible for my own behavior and I’m not going to play the victim. I want to use my trauma as an inspiring story that despite all that pain I’m still a good person.

[-LudovicaD]

"if the imperfect is defined as evil, then everything becomes evil, because everything is imperfect"

[mrloop]

Don't focus on 'fault' and guilt, but instead on patterns and impact. And on willingness to work on oneself.

[FoxYinnyy]

As long as the imperfections aren't overshadowing what is good for you, then it's worth to stick around and be there for them. But as soon as that changes, it's time to rethink if they are really good for you or not. Flaws make a person whole after all.

[Avienne]

As an incredibly flawed person myself, I owe all of the progress I've made to the people who were patient and there for me in my worst moments. I've lashed out and accused them of irrational things but they were so patient because they somehow saw the good in me, and I'm forever grateful. I want to do the same for other people

[SearchOfSelf]

I remember feeling betrayed when my best friend let me down. This experience pushed me to grow and realize that no one is perfect, not even those we hold in high regard.

[annapomelo]

My partner is extremely generous and grateful, which makes me tolerate all of his imperfections.

[sanaab]

No partner is perfect, but when true lovers say it, they refer to a person with the perfect imperfections ❤

[thedecalisthub]

This piece hits the nail on the head, or should I say, the baby bottle on the high chair? It skillfully unravels the paradoxical dance of affection and frustration, revealing that our significant others are not just lovey-dovey date partners but also occasional bathroom floor towel leavers. The notion that lovers one and two are merely the product of shifting moods and circumstances is a delightful revelation, akin to discovering that the wet towel culprit and the charming date planner are, indeed, the same entity. It's a whimsical yet profoundly human take on the messy, unpredictable symphony of love. So, here's to embracing the tragic comedy of relationships, where perfect people are as elusive as socks in a laundry vortex, and finding a lover who's real becomes the ultimate quest in this grand circus of romance. Bravo to this piece for unriddling the enigma of two mothers.

[oguz-kagan]

I thought mother 2 was going to be "father" 💀

[michaelacarr]

Incredibly helpful thank you. It’s extraordinary how the drive to meet the perfect ‘fairy tale’ partner is so deeply and unhelpfully ingrained. These very timely and inspiring reminders of truth are invaluable.

[AldrianCG]

I firmly believe that there’s a moment in life in which one can’t no longer blame one’s parents. And take responsibility of one’s situation.

[robertoadame]

I’ve written that in my diary !! Learning and understanding there is no perfect partner, I realized that my idealism will cause a bias towards anyone I date. So if there is no perfect person and I will be disappointed by them eventually, then maybe they’ll need some forgiveness like I do and maybe what’s real, is good enough ❤

[badgoodbadgoodbadgood]

I would say it's true. My mother's behaviour was a bit chaotic to understand for me as a child, since she was also battling grief and stress as a single parent when she just had me. I think I really might have perceived her as two different people when I was a kiddo.

And I noticed that I have to consciously stop myself from tearing a person into two and rejecting them as soon as I find one trait that I cannot agree with, I will seriously consider letting the person go.

As I asked around I learned that it is actually a not normal behaviour, and absurd - got so many side-eyes.
So if it's similar with you, it takes some level of self-control to battle this behaviour, but you definitely do got this, we're not alone in this

[emazayn]

I can attribute much of my anxious attachment style to my upbringing. My mother was physically and mentally abusive when i was growing up. I still have problems with my partner to this day and i still deal with the repercussions of the way she raised me. But I try everyday, to be a better partner. The most important part is to recognize and realize your impact on your loved ones, and know that you can do better for them

[no-zybv]

I have always understood this concept and was absolutely baffled when I discovered that most people do not.

In other people's perception, you do things that are annoying, you do not always do what they want and you may sometimes let them down. This is simply a fact of human nature.

So how can you, as an imperfect being, expect literally anybody else to be anything but an imperfect being?

Perfect humans do not exist, alot of people seem to want robots that perfectly adhere to their every whim as opposed to living, breathing, people with flaws and strengths, that is such a strange way of thinking to me.

If everybody was perfect and never did anything wrong, you would very quickly become extremely bored with the world. Our flaws are part of what makes us unique, and you just have to accept that your partner, and everybody else around you are not perfect, just as you are not, and that's okay.

[poornimaanugondanahalli]

I am soooo grateful to the entire team of The School of Life for making this absolutely amazing video🥰👌🏻👏🏻 You people explain things in such a way that it has no choice but to enter our brains! ❤ LOVED THIS VIDEO!!!💙

[cf]

I love these videos. The animations are delightful, Alain's soothing and humourous tones and wise gems of truth and compassion. Thank you Sch of L! x

[quinnparle]

Somehow this channel always has a video that tells me exactly what I need to hear to help me understand the things going on in my life, thank you!