Stop Listening To Contradicting Advice

Dr. K’s Guide to Mental Health explores Anxiety, Depression, ADHD, and Meditation with 150+ video chapters in a Final Fantasy-inspired skilltree.

#shorts #drk #mentalhealth

[Space_Lion]

Constant contracting advice from adults is what led me to pursue a career in science around high school. It genuinely makes it so much easier to just tune out the voices and find out what's actually true (or what is more likely to be true, at least)

[blearoyd]

dating is easily the area of life in which i hear the most contradicting advice. somehow i’m simultaneously trying too hard and not trying hard enough. doesn’t even feel worth it after a while.

[ASSASSIN]

Sitting your ass in front of a wall is such a Kingpin move.

[kewoshk]

Letting go of the need to be liked by everyone was the best thing I’ve done over the last couple of years. A lot of people yearn for genuine people and connections these days, and if some other people are not going to like you for who you are, why are you still talking to them?

[olivierlazure]

The best thing I learned this year is to take into account mental disorders when tackling any self improvement issue, like if someone with autism or ADHD were to just follow a neurotypical's advice on what to do, they're not going to go anywhere. That's the one thing that is never explained when you ask for advice, whether it is online, or to a family member or a therapist. The psychologist can listen but they cant really offer advice.

Doing research on the mental disorder and finding strategies that get you to your goals, that's the best thing you can do.

[just_rikuriku]

Dr. K, thank you so much for this short.

This is exactly what I needed to hear. I've been listening to too many people and I certainly felt this way. I don't know what's right and wrong anymore.

I literally can not live like this anymore. I don't feel like myself.

You are one hell of a man

[subatomiczero]

I read The Courage To Be Disliked and learned about the principles of Adlerian psychology. The journey has been painful, but I feel alive and finally living for myself, despite the pain.

[karenm.andersen]

Completely agree. Facing your emotions, listening to them, addressing your wounds, is the true key to healing.

[AmaranthEternal]

The biggest advice that caused the biggest period of growth in my life

[piratekid]

I've really been struggling with contradictory advice: it's either "people don't like you because you're too much" and "people don't like you because you're not good enough"

[jacksonconnell]

My guy, I literally went through the exact realization about a month or so ago. I have been a people pleaser all my life, and because of it not only have been so familiar with procrastination, but also dealing with anxiety, stress, and depression. Now, I still have them, but as I got older and started to realize more of my issues, they’ve become more manageable.

Now, here’s my own thing: instead of doing that sit in front of a wall for an hour idea, a thought just randomly came in my mind that made so much sense — Stop creating “indirect control”.

Based on this personal experience, indirect control is that voice in your head that gives off the idea and concept that you must do something for someone else, not because it’s satisfying but because you have to. Like you said, this indirect control is literally a force of being a puppet, but here’s the thing: it’s me being a people pleaser that has created this, only me alone! No one had abused or tortured or brainwashed me into conducting this idea. It has always been there as this negative rebound to make other people happy and ignore the fact that it can also make me miserable.

So when telling myself in my head to stop allowing indirect control, as it not make even the most minor of things to be an enormous issue, my life felt taking an actual human breath instead of just breathing because it’s a “function” I have to do to live. I’m taking up on changes I wouldn’t have the confidence in doing before. I am dealing with any negative thoughts and assumptions to maintain myself. I’m actually preparing myself on a career path that I can see go forward while also understanding of the struggles and risks I’m going to deal with it! And it’s all because I keep telling myself not to give “indirect control” to anyone.

I can actually say that I can give myself a future that is functional, independent and productive without having to leech on to anyone or to be force in giving short satisfaction. Life’s not perfect as I still got struggles as expected, but it works and I’m holding on to it through it all 👍🏾❤️

[-lijosu-]

I’ve had to come terms with the fact that some people will demonise me no matter what I do, because I’m an inherently polarising person. Realising that I can basically ignore what other people think and be “way worse” than I have ever been, and it makes literally no difference, has been quite liberating.

[drumming]

Authenticity comes with a lot - ALOT of backlash. Nothing wrong with that, but it does come with a price.

[jojo_rose]

100% dude as a women in engineering I keep hearing advice in general to be assertive to advance in my career but in reality Ive found I get good results by being respectful and friendly (like everyone should be) and focus on the facts of whatever technical topic we're discussing. Maybe thats just my companys dynamics but being assertive in a way that says LISTEN TO ME AND RESPECT ME isnt going to make ppl like you whoever you are, you have to give respect to earn it. My personality says to be nice and polite and Im going to follow that

[Pianomonium]

I have been described and called out and mayhaps I will try this in my lots of spare time.

[rvrgrrl]

Yes. I think the most serious issue, which I have also faced, even at an older age, is that we often don't know who we really are or what we really want. Once we know that, we can act accordingly. But it takes effort and intentionality to gain that knowledge.

[MerandaYt]

And this is very hard too, giving in to what people want is much easier, so if you want to make yourself happy by yourself take that into consideration

[theo]

"To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting" - E.E. Cummings

[destinygalearies]

This short came at exactly the right day and hour that I was told elsewhere to sit alone, meditate, and listen to my own inner voice about what parts of my life serve/don't serve. It's a sign of something for sure

[ksmusic]

What I’ve found with meditation + yoga (combined is what helped me the most) is that you don’t necessarily need to do anything but listen to what comes up everyday and work on that.
All these psychology based ways of analysing the self are great, but maybe there is something far more painful (and so impactful) we are avoiding, and by following external guidance we convince ourselves we’re doing the work.
Ultimately, following the external advice is also a step, in understanding that “clearly this ain’t working” and you start to listen to that much more painful, inner voice of yours, and that’s when magic starts to happen.