7 Signs Of An Abusive Friendship

#friendships

Relaxing music playlist here from PsychToon:

Credits:
Writer: Chloe Avenasa
Script Editor: Parker Vanessa
Script Manager: Kelly Soong
VO: Amanda Silvera
Storyboarder: Yi Lin
Animator: Michelle Finlayson
YouTube Manager: Cindy Cheong

References:
O’Hagan, K. P. (2014). Emotional and Psychological Abuse: Problems of Definition. Journal of Psychological Science, 19(4); 449-461.
Leisring, P. A. (2013). Physical and emotional abuse in relationships: Motivation for perpetration among college women. Journal of interpersonal violence, 28(7), 1437-1454.
Mayer, B. W., & Coulter, M. (2002). Psychosocial aspects of emotional abuse. The American Journal of Psychiatry, 102(6), 24AA-24CC.
Crick, N. R., & Nelson, D. A. (2002). Relational and physical victimization within friendships: Nobody told me there’d be friends like these. Journal of abnormal child psychology, 30(6), 599-607.
Cowan, G., Bommersbach, M., & Curtis, S. R. (1995). Codependency, loss of self, and power. Psychology of Women Quarterly, 19(2), 221-236.

[katakuricharlotte]

1. They intimated you
2. They don't respect you
3.They don't listen to you
4. They don't show remorse
5. They are overly possessive of you
6.They are overly dependent on you
7.They cant be trusted
I'm so sorry for anybody else who is going through this. Its okay we will find good friends

[ICEcoldJT]

“If speaking kindly to plants helps them grow, imagine what speaking kindly to humans can do.” 🙏🏽

[mistine]

I used to be like this, I'm glad I started to recognize this earlier when one of them confronted me, I felt horrible realizing what I did, I don't deserve them, they still accepted me and helped me change, I feel really grateful for that.

[edenerrington]

I always feel guilty for ending the friendship and even kinda long for them but watching this definitely reminded me of how toxic the relationship was and that it was best I got out of it. It definitely made me remember how i'd always push these things off, make excuses for them, plus even my friends tried to tell me but I just would defend them.

[PlanetPsych]

Dear Bad Friend:
"If you're going to be two-faced, at least make one of them pretty "

[starpop]

You’re supposed to feel comfortable around your friends but half the time I’m worried I won’t say the right thing to them...

[zero_randomshit]

This. This made me realize I was in a abusive friendship. Thank you. I needed this.

[itztioki]

I can't help but feel grateful that my friends had abandoned me lately, I just realized that I was abusing them and did most of those harmful acts without knowing, I hope they find cure in each other company, and I will take a rest from making friends until I'm emotionally stable and safe to form any kind of relations without harming anyone, thanks for the video I now understand myself more.

[reesespieces]

I don’t need this, but hugs to those who do!

[meaganellsworth]

The dislikes are from abusive friends who are trying to deny it.

[inejstarkov]

I was friends with a girl for nearly three years and our friendship covered exactly all seven of these points. At the beginning of the last school year we were friends, I was diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety. I was in a really bad place at the time, and I told four people, her being one of them. Literally the next day, we were walking home and she was talking to our other friend and leaving me kind of walking along behind them. I stopped to tie my shoelaces and they didn’t even notice. At this point I was kind of like, yeah, fine. So I let them walk ahead of me. At the time I lived in England and I took the train to my high school, and I’d walk to the station with this girl. I got to the station by myself, and, assuming they’d already got on the train, took a seat at the platform. They then proceeded to walk over and sit about six feet away from me and had their own conversation. I, having just being diagnosed and being a pretty big mes, had a panic attack, right next to them. And this girl, who was supposed to be one of my best friends, just ignored me. Turns out, she’d already told the other girl I used to walk with about my diagnosis, and when I asked what was going on, she said that being depressed wasn’t an excuse for the way I had acted. I was confused, until she told me I had been bullying her about her interests for the duration of our entire friendship. Strangely, it was me who was ignored when I spoke about my favourite things, me who had to change my schedule to revolve around hers, me who couldn’t hang out with anyone else except her, me who apparently ‘wasn’t the person I used to be’ in her eyes. Because the old me never would have stood up for myself the way I did. One thing I do remember clearly, however, is that I was the only one who made any effort at all to try and salvage our friendship. She refused to take time out of her oh so busy schedule to talk to me about mending a friendship we’d had for three fucking years. And she couldn’t be bothered to meet me once to talk about what had happened. What made things worse is that she was such a big personality, that when I stopped being friends with her, none of my other friends were allowed to hang out with me. So not only am I depressed, suicidal and a teenager, an awful combination on its own, but I’d also been stuck in an extremely toxic relationship and lost everyone I trusted at the hands of this girl. I was not in a good place then. But I am so glad that it eventually happened. I can imagine having to be in a relationship like that again. To anyone who relates to this video, I do urge you to leave this relationship sooner rather than later.
Thank you for taking the time to read this :)

[pathogen]

My abusive relationship started in the second grade and lasted into the fifth. I never identified it as an abusive relationship, but rather, I've always identified it as bullying. The moment I realized was when our school social worker showed us a video on bullying and at the time, I didn't know ignoring someone counted as bullying, or that it had a specific category (silent bullying). Or that rumor spreading counted as verbal bullying. I wish in 2013 there were more videos like this, but now I'm glad that whenever I have kids, I'll be able to show them these videos so they are able to identify signs like these earlier.

[magentabunny]

Can't have an abusive friendship when you don't have friends

[nyancatbeatcreature.]

How did you know I need this right now?
What type of black magic is this

[ChristineDenmark]

This makes me realize it was the right choice to stop the friendship with one of my former friends. I've felt so guilty about it for months, especially since her mom got sick and died a few months after our friendship stopped

[lalochivafan]

Had to end a 6 year friendship yesterday with someone who displayed 5 of the 7 signs in this video. I felt confident I was doing the right thing, this confirmed it. Thank you for this video.

[tdog]

When I’m with my Friend group I feel like I’m constantly small and not a good friend. It sucks sometimes

[Icykrissy]

So so glad I cut off most of my “friends”.
My closest circle today does none of this. Deciding who’s in and out of your life based on how they treat you can change your entire life.

[liswyn]

I'm currently writing a novel about a very successful person who is actually the victim of a series of abusive relationships, where they live in constant fear of losing the prestige they conquered - this video helped me A LOT with building the character, but I only found it again today! So I must thank you, that's super helpful!!

[Devilroya]

ive been emotionally abused for the past 5 years and i only noticed last year. she does most of the stuff you listed and comments on my sexuality by saying sh!t like you'll never be happy with a girl. She's emotionally manipulated me for years and every time I even think of ending the friendship she become super nice and supportive but only for a little then she goes back to being homophobic and not trustworthy. Every time I tell her smth personal i'm not surprised that everyone knows by the end of the week. She made all my friends stop hanging out with me last year. they see her true self now but I used to cry myself to sleep and made a unhealthy habit of making friend on vr instead of irl. She says all of our secrets and when we tell her we don't wanna tell her more bc she tells everyone she says she never did that. I cant stand up for myself and I feel bad when other ppl need to stand up for me bc i cant return the favor. The only way I can stand up for my friends is when they cry or she hurt them more then normal. This is not physical abuse so i didn't know if it counted for awhile. I would like to add i am only 11 and have to deal with her sh!t. I need help...