'Should I Have Kids?” How to Make This Huge Decision Without Regrets

Going through the “should I have kids” conundrum? This episode is for you. Marie answers a question from Talia, 32, who writes, “I always thought I would get married and be a mom, but the more I look at my heart, the more unsure I am that this is the path for me.”

Sound familiar?

We live in a world that tells women they’ll regret not having kids, even though only WE can be the experts about our own lives. Marie has known the answer to “should I have a baby?” since she was a little girl, and it’s always been a clear NO. In this episode, she shares her story and what helped her make that — and every other — life-changing decision throughout her life.

Whether or not you’re wrestling with the “should I have kids” question, this lesson will help you make any major decision and lead the life you’re meant to live — especially when you have to go against the grain.

#MarieTV​ #ShouldIHaveKids #ShouldIHaveABaby




MARIE ON SOCIAL

[marieforleo]

Wondering if having a baby is right for you? Use these quick links to catch the highlights:

1:25 — Exactly how Marie knew she didn’t want biological kids of her own.
2:13 — Sound familiar? All the ways others will tell you to have kids.
3:28 — The message every. single. woman. needs to hear.
4:12 — Marie’s best advice for anyone wondering, “Should I have kids?”

[carlystur]

My thinking is I would rather regret never having had kids than having kids and regretting it. I don't want to mess with another human being like that.

[CereceMurphy]

As a mother of two kids I've always known I wanted, it really burns me up when women feel pressure to have children. The kindest thing you can do for yourself and the world is to be honest about what you really want, then go for it. Always remember that this is the only life you have. People have lots of advice, but no one will be around to take the consequences for you, so make your own decision.

[yoyo]

I'm not sure if I want kids or not. I would like to have someone to whom I can teach and see grow... but at the same time, I would like to continue my life as it is; waking up at the time I want, having time to myself, enjoy quietness....

[WifeWithoutKids]

There’s nothing wrong with having kids and there’s nothing wrong with choosing NOT to have kids. I’ve never regretted deciding to live child free:)

[AliseSloan]

I'm 31 no kids and very single. People are actually mad that I'm happy with my life. Lol I may have children in the future but it will be my decision and nobody can force me into that phase of life. I'm tired of people telling me that my clock is ticking.

[AbsoluteMdot]

I battle this topic in my head everyday

[kajalspandey]

It's sad that men aren't asked this question, when in fact having kids is not just a women's responsibility or job - it's a combined decision/choice from both the man and woman plus an equal responsibility.

[FeonaLeeJones]

34 without kids. My mom was having kids at my age and I feel like with the economy and coronavirus...I just feel like hunkering down and focusing on art. Don’t judge me 🙃

[stardavis]

I am a mother of two and just because I made the choice to have children, I would NEVER shame another woman for choosing to do otherwise. Being a parent takes a lot of emotional, mental, physical and financial commitment and I admire someone who knows that they are not willing to make that commitment and consciously decides not to. It's not my place to decide what is right for another person. Thank you for making this video, it resonates with me as a woman who supports other women.

[SusanHopkinson]

When I was 32, in 1998, I left a ‘safe’ career that I had studied for etc., to become a yoga teacher. It was pretty far off the grid back then, but I knew it was a better life for me. Most people around me were unable to understand what I was doing, but I got a new circle of friends and lived my truth. 20 years on I’m moving in a new direction, and following my current truth. The people who don’t support you are speaking from their own fears. Just keep going where you know you should each day. 🙏🏻

[joshlowell]

I was pressured by my mother to have kids and I never did. As the years passed some of my family members got divorced, kids had problems, financial problems and one by one they almost all ended up worse off than I did. I bought my property and paid off my mortgage, have zero debt, never got married so I've never been taken to the cleaners by way of divorce. I'm now almost 50 and I absolutely do not feel any regret for not having kids. As for my mother, after seeing how every one else ended up- she finally told me that I did the right thing and made the right decision as I avoided all the bs everyone else encountered. Just remember that life is short and children are people that you choose to bring into this world without their consent. Yet you have the responsibility of providing their food, shelter, deal with their sickness, education and every problem they create. It is not a decision that you should take lightly. You have to sacrifice your spare time, money and life in general. It lasts for the rest of your life. My attitude is that I chose to give the job of parenting to someone else. If you want that job, that responsibility, that most important act, the act of creating a person than do it. If you have found a good reason to bring this person into existence so that they can experience life and all it comes with, such as going to school, religion, politics, sickness, keeping up with paying bills, and the whole nine yards, finally having a job for 40 years, hardship, stress, anxiety, fear, worry, harassment that we all experience in one form or another and the eventual death that we all come to when we run out of time and our number comes up. Than by all means have a child, not one have at least 3 or more.

[ShainaLeis]

I’m also 32 years old and wrestle with the decision. But here’s how I “deal” with it! I get very present and ask myself: do i want kids right now? The answer is a clear “no.” I know by the way I feel. So if and when the time is right, I’ll know. For now, I take the facts (and feeling) at hand to make my best decision possible!

[AnastasiaR]

I have children (used to not want them but changed my mind) and I would NEVER shame a woman for her decision not to have children or assume she will change her mind like I did. I don’t even bring up children at all or ask any questions of my child-free friends (which is all my friend. I don’t know any other parents.). I will say, I wish that people showed me the same respect. I have had people tell me (without me asking) that they don’t want kids because it’s wrong to bring children into this environment, economy, etc. That’s essentially telling me that my decision is wrong. It’s very hurtful. People who experience pressure to have kids assume that once you have the kids the pressure is off. But it’s only the beginning. Mothers are pressured even more after they have the kids to parent a certain way. I wish we could all just support each other. The subtle bias against mothers in my generation (I’m under 30) is pervasive. If I walk into a restaurant people roll their eyes at my 3 young kids. I’m expected to endure all kinds of advice from people who don’t have kids or even listen to their theories of how there should be a test in order to be allowed to reproduce. I know that historically child-free women have really gotten the short-end of the stick. But these days you’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t. Once you have kids there’s not some special club of normality. In fact, it feels more isolating than ever. Let’s all support each other’s decisions, ladies! I will continue to praise any choice another woman makes about her life and her body.

[mentaldiets]

I struggled with this issue in my late 30s. I’m 42 now, but when I was 36, I fell in love with a wonderful man. Sadly, it didn’t work out. I struggled for years thinking there was something wrong with me because I didn’t have the life my friends and family had - married with children (and a dog!). However, unlike my friends, I was always drawn to travel, introspection, freedom, spirituality and personal development. Plus, I also struggled with a lot of internal rage and resentment towards my dad for his abuse. I never felt the “urge” to want a family of my own until I met this man. However, I wasn’t being completely honest with myself - my desire to be with this guy and have this dream life of being happily married with children (or a child) was motivated by fear of limited time and fear that my choice would be taken away from me in a few years if I didn’t make this happen now. The relationship I was in was meant to end (there were other issues I was blind to).

I wish more women like Marie were candid about this subject. Watching this video gives me relief and has helped me make sense of some of the internal conflict I’ve had. Also, I wish people would mind their own business instead of espousing their own fears.

Thank you, Marie for being true to yourself and being such an inspiration to me and so many women.

[esmeri]

I ADMIRE women that make these decision to not “follow the norm” and NOT have kids...I wish I would have been strong enough to make that decision.

[ericahorowitz]

THANK YOU for doing this episode! As a 30-year-old woman who has never wanted kids and is sick of everyone telling me I do (🧐), I appreciate this.

[BrendaRomaniello]

The story of my life! I'm 34 and happily married. I've always worked and been very independent, travelled, enjoyed every stage of my life to the fullest. I never had the desire to have kids. In my 20s I thought it was normal because I was too young. I always thought my maternal instinct would kick in eventually. Here we are 34 and kinda getting to the point were decisions must be made. My hubby doesn't worry about it, either way. As a woman I really feel the pressure to have kids. My fear is that I'll regret it if I do and if I don't. I really need to listen to my heart. Thank you Marie.

[jennymarchal]

I'm 37 and always assumed I'd have kids by 30 but it just hasn't happened yet mainly because none of my relationships have been with men I'd ultimately want to have kids with. I've heard all the typical comments and they've definitely made me panic and question my life decisions. But you know what, having children shouldn't be a forced thing. It'll happen if it's meant to be and if it doesn't then I'll have a fabulous independent life regardless :)

[ThatSelfishWoman]

High Five girlfriend. My biological clock never ticked or tocked for me. At 40, I am happy to be child free. I was lucky enough to have amazing women in my life who weren't related to me, who mothered me and guided me and these experiences have led me to want to foster children more than anything. xx from Montreal