Why They ALWAYS Come Back + How to Reach Out After It Ends

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“How can you tell the difference between love bombing and genuine interest?”

This is just one question out of 10 that I answer in today’s rapid-fire Q&A video, which also includes answers to:

• “What Dating Advice Would You Give to Your 16-Year-Old Self?”
• “When Did You Last Cry?”
• “How Can I Get Over the Shame of Having Stayed Too Long in a Relationship?”
• “Is It Worth Reaching Back Out to an Ex Who May Have Changed?”

. . . and much more.

It was super fun to read and answer all your questions. Be sure to leave me a comment with any questions you might have for part 2!

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▼ Chapters ▼

0:00 – 1:07 – Mixing It Up
1:07 – 2:30 – “What Would You Say to Your 16-Year-Old Self?”
2:30 – 3:23 – “When Did You Last Cry?”
3:23 – 6:34 – “Is It Worth Reaching Back Out?”
6:34 – 8:29 – “Love Bombing vs. Genuine Interest?”
8:29 – 11:10 – “Dealing With Shame Over Having Stayed Too Long?”
11:10 – 13:14 – “Your Take on Rumors in a Relationship?”
13:14 – 15:20 – “Do You Still Face Challenges?”
15:20 – 17:48 – “Why Do Exes Return Thinking We Want Them Back?”
17:48 – 18:25 – “A Weekly Newsletter?”
18:25 – 19:00 – “When Are You Coming to Visit?”
19:00 – 20:05 – Add Your Question for Part Two

[Magnus_Kitty]

If someone didn't want you the first time (second time max) then you are just back-up/attention. If someone keeps leaving and doesn't want to learn, and grow through challenges with you, or build a life with you...just move on. Have some self respect and don't be someone's backup; it's not good for self-esteem. Most often they are just cowards that can't be alone and will leave you again, drop of a hat, if something better comes along. Find someone who wants to build with you or learn to enjoy your life alone with family/friends until you meet that right person.

[GodHelpMe]

He is into you if he's CONSISTENT.

No mixed signals.

Keep your spirit of discernment sharp, ladies!

[lindaeckardt]

Dear Matthew, it's always comforting and healing to listen to you!
I just reached out by phone to a man I used to date for 5 month last year, who left me, because he didn't love me and whom I still missed in a way and haven't talked to since last December! And after a minute into the call I knew again why it didn't work...
There was no warmth in his voice, no joy that I called, no interest, no friendliness, nothing, not even a wish to see me again not even as s friend..

That really hurted, but I have listened to so many podcasts and videos of yours, that I can really see now what kind of man he is and that my romantic story of him being a nice warmhearted friendly man is just a made up story, he was never this person, just for a few days in the beginning...😥 I am sad right now, but I'll get better, I know....all the best to you and Audrey🌈
Linda 🦋

[cookWithYuyu]

I'm not interested in dating atm but still watch Matthew's videos every day. It comforts me and works better than any therapy I tried. Thank you Matthew ❤

[Myglowtips]

I once started a relationship with a photographer, he seemed so amazing. He even did a video dedicated to me to his many subscribers etc. and constantly mentioned me on his Face Book. Many of his subscribers sent me friend requests etc., which I for the most part, ignored because I really wanted to remain private. Some of the things he wrote about me on his face book were things like “i want to be forever with her”. 6 years on, exactly the same is happening to another lady, he says exactly the same things, uses exactly the same words and also, wants to be with her “forever”. It makes me smile now, humans are rather amusing creations.

[leetaiwo]

I’ve been dating someone for 4 months now, he seem sweet and all but something always seem off sometimes. He’s also the kind of guy that promises you the world without you asking and end up doing nothing, I felt like I was also a backup plan for him.
I told him yesterday I don’t think things will work out between us that I also don’t love him like I used to and all he said was “lol”.

This just further proves to me I made the right decision.

It’s hard because there were also good memories while we dated but I’ll rather be away from someone like that so I don’t miss the one actually meant for me.

[rouarihani]

Hey Matt! I would like to know: 1. How do you restore your faith & trust in men and relationships in general after being constantly disappointed in past relationships (whether its because of constant lies, cheating, narcissism, etc.), i have personally been only in relationships that look like that, i look back at my parents and friends relationships & they all have some kind of toxicity or mistrust, or cheating in a way, it really starts making me wonder if anything different exists and if ill ever find something real, loyal and healthy. 2. How can you rebuild that trust & choose the right person with similar values, someones that gives you peace, without losing yourself in the relationship, & make it last? 3. WHERE do you look for that person?

[elinorgriffiths]

So we all know about Audrey's killer text message about a bid for attention, and that caused you to part ways for a while. But what happened next? How did you go from nothing again to a committed relationship?

[allison_glitters]

A Silent Voice is such a beautiful and heartbreaking film, A+ recommendation (even though I’m now in my feelings about it on a Sunday morning 😭)

[alizarenc]

Jane Austen already wrote a romance novel about a relationship that broke up for 7 years and did they get a second chance. Yes. One of my favorite books. PERSUATION.

[JackieChan-ssgn]

I got discarded by my avoidant ex( we were best friends for 12 years and "lovers" for 2 years) who wanted "space" because we had a little fight that I initiated because I was not getting anything that I needed in the relationship. I was very patient with her and she ended up telling me she wants to marry me. Few days later, I traveled to pursue my career so we can do all things we planned for, but all I could sense is her pulling away from the relationship for no reason, hence, the previously mentioned fight. I gave her the space she needed and after 1 and a half month of no contact, I felt I was forced into ending the relationship with her because I don't know what else to do and I was hurting, even though I love her so much; I just can't help someone who doesn't communicate anything. Now I'm in another country, all alone, very sad and broken.. I have no idea how to bounce back from this. I feel like I have lost the love of my life and I can't find any purpose in what I'm doing anymore. Sorry for the long message.

[MariyaTerzieva]

It is so humbling that even healthy relationships are not perfect all the time. This makes it all the more important to choose someone who will be a great teammate over just someone who is great on his own.

Question for the next session: What happened with Jameson? He just disappeared at some point.

[mlle_francophile]

Thank you so much for taking the time to answer my question, Matthew ☺️🙏🏼

[Myglowtips]

Still going, evolving and what really amazes me is that even after all these years, the passion for what Mr Hussey does is stil there. His eyes get a twinkle when he starts talking about relationship. Sometimes, he rubs the fingers on one of his hands, together when he is about to speak and when he does that, I always know it’s going to be amazing because one can almost hear him thinking.

[xinism]

I entered a relationship with someone who is lazy and doesn’t want to improve his lifestyle to meet our basic needs. I am at a point where I constantly question myself at different stages of the relationship if I haven’t done enough as a partner whenever there is a conflict. When I self-reflect, I do see that the flaws I also have as a partner. This makes me go back to him every time to justify his lack of ambition. I learnt from your videos that a deserter is not worth the other person’s time and energy. It led me to think again how mean I had been, and if perhaps this was why he gradually lost interest to want to invest more into the relationship. I am aware that I am justifying for him and have muddled things too much. I am also aware that I should not expect a person to change. What should I do now? Communication has broken down with him quite early into the relationship. But I was the one who always left because we can’t address the issue of him not wanting to take on responsibilities. Is there a chance at all to salvage this relationship? Should I even try to? Is this me trying to soothe my guilt because I’m possibly wanting to hear that I am not at fault for being so flighty?

[MelissaTaylor-mr]

I have a long distance relationship that is with someone who contacted me to start up a relationship for the second time. My concern is that when we spend weekends together either in his or my place of residency, we have a good time. It’s the day we’re going back home(separating) that gets weird? He isn’t as affectionate. The night before he doesn’t cuddle. Pretty much doesn’t touch me or want me to touch him? He treats me like I’m something he’s got to either get ready to send off or make sure he gets to where he needs to be? It almost feels like he gets his fun and then checks out. He’s done when he’s done, and then he gets ready for the next task even though I’m enjoying the ‘moment’. I try to make all of our time heartfelt.

[allisonbylski]

I left my husband of 9 years because of him cheating. I thought he would try to fight for us when served divorce papers because he never took me seriously. So I left to show him I was serious. And he never came after me. 😢that was a punch to my gut. so I knew for real after that, that I deserved better. He never came after me. I don’t want him back but I wonder all the time if he ever will try to come back. And if he doesn’t, maybe this is a truth that I still am trying to accept.

[orcaoracle]

We have to be very careful of "rumours". I have seen many cases in my work and personal life where rumours have been spread but they have no merit to them. This is a form of defamation against someone's name and occurs for a number of reasons that are more telling on the people "discussing" the rumour versus actually honest up-front communication. There are insidious intentions behind people making these words fly, jealousy, lack of contentment in their own lives, toxicity patterns including lying, small communities can be rampant with rumours that are absolute lies, however the damage they do are catastrophic to the people involved and cannot be "wiped clean". A person's reputation to be damaged in such a way is abysmal and may the truth always prevail.

[EfeBuyuran]

Hey Matt! I really enjoyed your humour 😄 Over the past weeks I’ve gained tremendous value out of your content as a man. It’s feels so good to get a firm grip on healthy mentality as a baseline approach towards life. I didn’t know this channel targeted towards women for a while but good advice is just good for everyone!

[ashtonjones]

I enjoy the question and answer format.❤