What to Do When He Says He's Not Ready for a Relationship

So you’ve met this guy and you can’t help but think that he may be “the one.” The only problem is he says he’s not ready for a relationship. What should you do?

Hey ladies, Amy North here, welcome to my channel. For those of you who don’t know me I’m a relationship coach from Vancouver, BC and author of the Devotion System, a program I’ve designed to help women find and lock down the love they want and deserve.

Now today I want to talk about something that I get asked often, and that’s what to do when the guy you’re into isn’t ready to commit. Unfortunately this happens more than you may imagine, which is why knowing how to deal with this kind of situation is so important. When done properly you can not only make him ready for a relationship, but it can strengthen your bond to boot!

So, how can you do it?

Here’s the thing. Most times when a guy says he’s not ready for a relationship it’s because he’s not wanting to give up his single lifestyle. Of course there are situations where his reasoning seems more justified, like if he has a busy schedule that get in the way, or if he still isn’t completely over his previous relationship, but reasons aside, if he says he’s not ready for a relationship then you’re going to need to change his mind.

Of course, no amount of begging or pleading is going to work here because it’ll make you look desperate and frankly, pathetic, and no negative attitude or harsh words will want to make him want to commit to you either. I mean, do you blame him?

It’s also worth mentioning that trying to talk him into wanting to be in a relationship with you isn’t a wise move either. If you do, he’ll feel like he’s being tricked or sold on the idea. Once he feels this way he’ll make a run for it.

What will work though is if you sympathize with him. That said, you’re going to want to do so with poise, because really you shouldn’t make this a pity party for him. If you do he’ll feel his reasons for not wanting a relationship are legitimate.

Instead, you’re going to want to agree with him, and almost encourage that he backs away from having a relationship with you at this time. For example, if your guy says he’s not ready for a relationship then you can say something like this:

“It seems like you need to be on your own for a while to figure out what you want. I just want you to be happy, so if you need to be alone I understand. I hope I’m still here when you are ready, but until then I need to be with someone who is 100% certain that they want to be with me.”

This is the kind of response that will work wonders for making him ready to commit to a relationship for a couple reasons.

First, he’ll probably be surprised that you’re cool with him not being ready, and will love that you are being so agreeable and kind. The fact that you care about his happiness will speak volumes and this alone will make him realize that he’s found someone special.

Second, encouraging him to take time for himself will make him question if it’s even a good idea. I mean, if you’re making it seem like yeah, he should be alone, then that idea isn’t going to be as attractive to him anymore. In fact, he’ll probably quickly realize that this isn’t want he wants. At the same time you mentioning that this may be a good idea does the opposite of what trying to sell yourself to him does. This means he’ll get the impression that you’re being genuine and not trying to manipulate him. Again, he’ll feel like you care about his wants and needs.

And lastly, letting him know that you won’t wait around for him, and that you want to be with someone who absolutely wants to be with you too, that shows that you love and respect yourself too much to settle for less. This will make him realize that unless he scoops you up, someone else will, which believe me, is always an easy way to win a man over.

Well that just about does it for this video, thanks so much for watching. I hope that you found what you learned here helpful, and if so then you can show your support by subscribing to my channel and checking out my other dating advice videos. After all, it’s you guys who allow me to keep coming out with new content for you.

*** More from Amy North: ***

[fav]

I guess this is the first time I saw you wearing white which is looking really pretty on you.
I always wanted to make a suggestion (helpful to you and us!! make either your background lighter or your attire....don't make them all dark or light!!
And have you also tried new angles with the camera??...I liked the face shot...love you

[lisaspivey]

This crap does not work especially if he’s just not ready. Nothing you say or do will make him. Tried it, didn’t work.

[rachelrobbins]

Telling a man. "Maybe I will still be available when you decide you are ready" is honestly BS. That is NOT going to make him think, "Oh boy! If I don't make my move on her, she is going to find someone else!!!!" Total BS!!!! If a man is not ready, he is just not ready. No matter how much he likes a woman. And if she moves on, then to him that just meant they weren't meant to be!!! Men do NOT think the same as women. Women cannot manipulate a man with their words. And if you can, then sad for you. Who wants to manipulate a man into being with them? All you should say to a man that says he is not ready, is "Ok, I understand" Those two words are enough. Then move on! If he wants you, when he feels ready, he will find you!

[BlackSwordMihawk]

Unfortunately, if a man says he is not ready for a relationship it is often best to take it seriously. I myself was won over by a girl in a situation where I definitely wasn't ready to be in a relationship. Pretty quickly in the relationship that ensued, things got nasty because I had unresolved issues that seeped through the cracks on my behavior and ruined everything.

This may not be the case for every man that uses the phrase, but I figured it would be important to leave my case as a warning for anyone who is not taking the full depth of the problems that man might be trying to solve on his own into account.

If he says he isn't ready, it is because he is not ready to devote himself to the commitment that a relationship involves. It is guaranteed trouble. Being manipulated into starting a relationship, with phrases such as the ones in this video, leads to trouble down the line, because liking someone is not enough to create a steady relationship. Be careful.

[rachelrobbins]

You cannot trick a man into a relationship. I was just dating a man that had been divorced for about 4 months. He came at me very strong. Even talked about the future, but at the same time said he is not ready for a relationship and especially a serious relationship. I continued to date him. Started getting emotionally involved with him. Then I noticed when he started having the same feelings, he began to back up and text less, call less. When I asked him if he has lost interest he assured me that was not it. He said he just needed more "me" time and when he felt he was ready for a relationship he would let me know. So, nothing can trick or convince someone to be with you. Sometimes they do like you, but the timing is not just right. Who knows if he will come back around? Who knows if I will still be available? I guess if it is meant to be, fate will bring it back together. If not then it was at least a lesson. As soon as someone says they are not ready for a relationship, leave it there and don't continue on with them or you will get hurt.

[thelifeofaghita]

You took this exact wording from Matthew Hussey ! 😳

[tanyatanu]

Did this work for anyone? The guys I meet are intelligent and really mean it when they say they don’t have the time or not ready.

[Lovelife]

What ever happened to asking your date upfront, "what are you looking for", from the very beginning?

[gingerstar]

Okay so I sent him the message. This is what he replied. You're right! You deserve that! I also need to figure out myself now so I can be a better man. Thanks for being there.

[kristenbennett]

I walked away yesterday, I told him after 9 months of seeing him I need a commitment and he thinks he needs to be alone for a while, im heart broken, ive been leaving him alone and hes texted me apologizing since then. I just hope he comes around 😞

[violetthornton]

I actually talked to him about a time I wasn’t ready for a relationship in the past with someone else, I’m pretty sure the empathy I gave will help me in the long run.

[oliverdonjones]

Hi Amy, I’ve in a situation where a guy likes me and I like him back but he’s not ready for a relationship. He says he’s too busy and just come out of a long term relationship. I’ve told him that I like him and he replies with he likes me too and wants to take things slow. I’ve asked him out to go for lunch, dinner or the cinema and he always is up for it but when it comes to doing it, he doesn’t want to commit to the ideas. Every time I go out he always watching me and talking to his friends about me. He had asked me what I wanted and I said I just want to get to know you and hag out and he said he doesn’t want a relationship right now but he likes me. So that does confuse as Doing simple things like lunch, cinema etc are normal things. Without the commitment. He had acted strange around me after the messages and looked sad. He always bites his nails when I’m around and gets nervous..The last message I sent was this.. I think that we need to take things steady. It’s clear we like each other and something is there between us. It’s just not time for it now. The last thing I want to do is scare you off or make you feel uncomfortable. When you spoke to me about you missing your family as it’s Christmas and your busy at work and moving in with your friends next week. It’s clear you have a lot going on at the moment and not ready to have anything concrete between us which I understand comepletly. I’m honest and I’m not going to mess you around. You know how I feel and that’s it. I don’t want us to feel awkward with each other. We should be happy and just have a laugh! I’ll see you New Year’s Eve 😘He’s read it and not replied. Which I expected as wasn’t expecting one. After watching your video, should I send him another message with what you recommend to say or should I say it another time? Thank you.

[kimsaysitaintsooo]

There’s this guy that I have immense feelings for. We were actually neighbors 15 years ago and we were over at each other’s house all the time. I used to throw sand in his hair and he used to bite me. I moved away and then almost a year ago we found out we both went to the same community college. I’m 22 now and he’s 19. We’ve kissed. We hang out all the time. We hold hands. We have a 60 day snap streak going and we’re basically best friends. He actually takes the time to listen to me and he remembers small details that I tell him. He feels like he can come to me and talk to me about anything and he knows I’ll never judge him and that I’ll always be there for. I feel the same way. I’ve never felt so strongly about another person. We have let each other know about our feelings and he told me he likes me. He actually told me he loves me, but I’m not sure if it means what I hope it means. Anyway, he told me that he wants to focus on himself for a little bit instead of jumping into another relationship so soon. He’s planning on going to the same university that I’m going to. Should I wait for him? I told him that I would always be there for him and I meant it. I love this guy. I’m hoping things can work out and he hopes that they do too.

[nancy]

I said the same line when he just started convincing me that i should not wait for himm..and suddenly i saw the same person in him i met..he immediately changed ..happy and relaxed..and that feeling of his relieved me somehow from the pain i was going through...
I was aware i cant force him but leaving him at this note was good for him
that means we are not going to talk at am acting strong because now i have to walk my talk and i will..instead of torturing him..its better he stays happy..and me trying ..hope i dnt get back to that weak feeling

[marivali]

I would not want to be a Place Matt . I WOULD SAY BYE.

[juchebo]

There is this guy I have been talking to for the past 2 months. He is sweet, caring and amazing in every way. He was someone that showed genuine interest in me and was interested in getting to know me. And then one day, he said he is not ready for a relationship because he has some goals to accomplish first before he enters into a relationship. When he said that, I was confused because from the conversations we had, there was no doubt that he was interested in a relationship so I told him that he should have been upfront in the very beginning when we started talking and I just felt like he sent me mixed signals, idk. And then he said I'm right and he is not sure if he wants to be in a relationship or not and he is such a "girl" in this and then he said we should be single together(which was the most confusing thing a guy has ever said to me) what should I do? Bcos I really like him and I know he does but from the conversations we have had, it's almost like he doesn't want me to leave(idk, I could be wrong but I don't think I'm wrong either). Hope to hear from you, Amy 😊

[TheCherrinelle]

If I had watched this video a couple of months ago, maybe things would have gone differently. He said that he wasn't ready for a relationship, but now he's got together with another girl. So, now I'm hopeless in love with him and I'm in a mess, 'cause I keep thinking that he could stay with me now while he is togheter with another girl...:-(

[urvivaghela]

amy is always amazing 🤗 i jst love ur all videos...thanks for always being there for us #lysm

[maeuschen]

Tried this, it didnt work :(, he just replied "i agree, you're right you deserve someone will be all in and treat you as a priority, i don't feel i can do that"

[EmanAhmed-ctqp]

When he said that
I blocked him without any answer