The Narcissist's Game of Hot and Cold

You may be savvy on decoding hot and cold patterns in dating, but narcissists play a whole different game. Learn how to insulate your heart from needless pain and avoid the emotional tension by being one step ahead of your narcissist.

The Dating Games Guide: You know you're being played, but what's the game?
And what's your countermove?

The Older Women | Younger Men Dating Guide:
Dating a younger man and wondering if it will last?
Attracted to an older woman and not sure how to make your move?

Rough breakup?
Check out: Breakup Triage; The Cure for Heartache

Wondering how to benefit from life's challenges?
Allowing Magnificence; Living the Expanded Version of Your Life

[OlympiaSophie]

The hot cold routine is basically the addiction withdrawal routine, it's the hot that gets you hooked and the cold that makes you feel withdrawal. A sick sick feeling. Great video!!!

[ALone-xwve]

"at the end of the day you're going to have to choose who you love more: yourself or the narcissist" it's just striked me, thank you very much!

[lisaann]

Narcissists are also emotionally immature (no matter what their age is) and are unable to show empathy. That's usually when they cut the person off. The partner/friend/spouse tries to explain his/her side of the story, and the narcissist will not hear it.
And then there is the love bombing that occurs. After a period of time (could be days, weeks, months, or longer), the narcissist comes back out of nowhere and love bombs, drawing their prey back in. The cycle continues over and over until the abused person finally makes the decision to get out. (Although that won't stop future love bombing). Cutting all contact forever is the only way to be free of them.

[JitteryPickles]

I've dated several narcs in the past. Defeating them is actually quite simple. Once you realize the game and whats going on, you simply abandon them during their cold phase or whatever. This is at their core what they fear most and is seriously damaging to them in so many ways. Before you know it they will be chasing you down doing everything they can to win you back, but you don't let them. suddenly you have them on the leash. :)

[AG-lqzu]

This is scary accurate. This is what my ex did to me. I called him out, asked if he wants to be with me because his behaviour showed otherwise, he gaslighted me by saying "I wanted to be with you until you had to bring this up. Now I am not sure." And when I asked when can we talk face to face he ghosted for days and then broke up with me. Plain sociopathic narcissist.

[DONTGET_SUNSCREEN]

So a narcissist is like an abusive, controlling, parasite?
They feed off your energy.

[フリーダム-kd]

I just cut out a narcissist. Thank god. I feel so much better emotionally and spiritually now.

[kristenmoonrise]

Geez. To my knowledge I've never encountered (dated) a narcissist because by the second sign of "crazy" I'm out. Insecure guys that try to make me jealous by bringing up other women? Yes many of those but I'd cut contact at that point. If they thought they were giving me the silent treatment then I gave them the block treatment. If I begin to feel down about myself in the presence of the person I'm dating, I know they aren't for me. Best to not stick around and see what other damage they can come up with. Thank you for pointing out this behavior.

[karenwilliams]

Oh my goodness! I just can't with all the games. I have a feeling that I will continue to be single forever.

[dellamarie]

OMG. I was the host. You are so right!! He was punishing me during the cold. Holy Hell!!

[jnc]

There is no one on YouTube quite like you! You provide the best advice/information/input. You're incredibly calming as well!

I've dealt with hot and cold and it's the WORST. When you think they're gone, they sneak back in. I was caught in a cycle for over 2 years with someone. It takes a lot of strength to ignore them and move forward but it's the healthiest avenue to take. If you stay, you'll slowly go insane lol.

[Dragonfly]

I spent 8 months with a Narcopath. It was totally mind Fu..ery! Cognitive dissonance!
You can never be enough for a Narc.

[NewEyes]

I was married to a diagnosis psychopath for 5years. I've been no contact sense March 29th 2017. It's the only way.

I just fully recovered April 2018. So a full year Wowzers. I'm proud of myself!

[xforeverbubbly]

I honestly wanted to die during the cold phase. The neglect got even worse.. he would do the tit for tat. He would avoid my presence and “do his own thing” after giving me 4 hours worth of off and on crumbs. he stopped giving me even crumbs towards the end. At this point 90% of worth was gone. I wanted to die. I even committed acts of self harm and he wasn’t even compassionate. He acted like an annoyed security guard at a mental hospital. I can’t believe people like this exist, considering he was so different in the beginning. Every time I thought something was good and we were okay, there he went confusing me again.. I would ask him what happened what’s wrong, what are we? His response was “this is just how I am right now. I can’t do this alone”. Vicious cycle over and over.

[mariek]

So totally with my ex. Storm out the door, never talk about issues. All because I stood up to him.

[rainbowkitty]

The next time a narcissist pulls one of their “routines” on you, send them this link. You only have one life, live it for you and not for someone else’s amusement.

[denisehall]

The fact that you don’t edit is amazing. I wish I had a fraction of your communication skills and not least your wisdom. Many thanks 🙏

[techjourneywithanurag]

Trust me a narcissist will contact you back and if you let them into your life once again then may be you'll regret this decision later.

I use to believe that everyone deserves a second chance so i trusted her words but guess what she returned back after 5 years just to take her revenge (since i walked out of her life because she use to treat me like a piece of shit)

So this time she took away every single thing that I use to love about my myself. I ended up being hospitalised with a broken back. I couldn't even walk for months and at the same time she left me. With such thought and unanswered questions in mind, being bedridden, immobile, dependent, and alone was extremely depressing. At this point, you become your own worst enemy.

Life is funny isn't it! Sometimes someone teaches you a lesson just because you love them the most.

[princhipessa]

My ex did just as you said! I called her out on her hot/cold. 2 weeks of silence and she comes back in a jealous rage then tries to hurt me. Next day says “we will never be together” and cuts contact. A week goes by and she’s stalking me at the beach. Mind you, I have been doing 100% NC while this all unravels. Thank you Susan ❤️

[mimimimi]

I have been watching narcissistic/codependent YouTube videos for eight months now. This video hands-down said it all. I wish I saw this back in July