3 Reasons Being a People Pleaser is Selfish

In this video, we are going to discuss the dangers of being a people pleaser and how it can actually be selfish. Being a people pleaser often leads to unhappiness and can actually sabotage our relationships. Now, is it always wrong to try and please other people? Of course not! But, in order to truly enjoy relationships, we need to be able to set boundaries and be assertive. This video will help you learn how to do that, and how to stop being a people pleaser in the process.

Researcher/Script Writer: Syazwana Amirah
Script Editor: Denise Ding
Script Manager: Kelly Soong
Animator: Animelo
YouTube Manager: Cindy Cheong

REFERENCE

[Psychgo]

We posted an OG video previously, did you see it?

[lara_v_g_h]

People pleasing is often a trauma response and it's very insensitive to make it sound like they're selfish

[Melatonin.t]

Feeling everyone is thinking about you negatively is not selfish, that's called anxiety disorder.

[songwriterlife]

Not everyone has the luxury of just being their true authentic selves though. We live in a world where you're groomed to impress others. Taught from a young age that we should please our parents and our elders or our religion and so on. People who groomed us into people pleasers are the selfish ones. This feels like gaslighting to me.

[messilyprim]

Imagine working your a** off for many people, or being put in a difficult situation because you’re afraid to say no, then someone on the internet that’s supposed to help you calls you selfish.

[plethoradulcet]

this video is describing narcissistic masking but many people pleasers suffer from fear of being hated and gossipped about and bullied for saying the wrong things

[meep]

I honestly don’t think all people pleasers are selfish I think some of them do it out of genuine niceness. Or some people don’t have a choice because people around them make them believe that if you don’t do that you are a disappointment or they use it as manipulation.
I’m kind of a people pleaser myself and I’m trying to get out of it not because I think it’s selfish but because I don’t want people around to keep walking all over me.

[HackiePuffs]

Imagine telling this to a people pleaser’s face. See what happens. They already struggle with their own self worth and feeling like they’re awful and to just tell them to their face that them doing this is selfish?? Imagine the impact that would have on them.

[Permenantlyexhaustedghost]

People pleasing from my experience comes from fear not selfishness. Especially if they grew up in an environment that is abusive and actively discourages you being yourself. And into adulthood it becomes an act of survival and there is nothing selfish about surviving in a world and a family system that damns you for trying to be you and hurts you over and over again. Its difficult to unlearn especially if they have been doing it for years. People pleasing sucks. Many do it because they feel like they have to and not for the sake of some grand evil scheme.

[xethrion]

Problem with this video is that Not everyone who people pleases is because they want personal gain. Fear of abandonment, Fear of being Disliked, Fear of negative criticism or maybe due to abuse and trauma surely plays the most part to people pleasing. Maybe only a few exploit that for selfish purposes but not all so please Psych2go, this video will only teach the masses that People who do nice things are not trustworthy people as they are selfish. Due to your generally positive vibes that your channel puts out. Many people think it’s credible and therefore would buy it even when it’s a form of misinformation.

[sane]

My view is that everyone has or should have healthy selfishness. And one should not assume something direct negative behind everything. We all want to belong somewhere, respected and recognition... We should stop constantly suspecting, or even looking for manipulative, negative intentions in others. Caution is always good, but in moderation. Too much distrust leads us to radiate negativity ourselves and not deal well with fellow humans. However, I agree that it is unhealthy to seek too much recognition and to want to please EVERYONE.

[Bluesnow]

IDK if it’s just me but knowing that I’m selfish makes me feel even more guilty than I already was. I always have this feeling that I’m disappointing others no matter what I do and I’m just a problem to them, so that’s why I’m pleasing others to try to be less of a problem. If I’m selfish the thing I’m trying to not be, that means I failed being a good friend like I’m failing everything in life.

[krou]

im honestly disappointed with this video spreading harmful misinformation. being a people pleaser is often a trauma response, not everyone has the luxury of being themselves. not everyone is allowed to be upset with someone in fear of abandonment. this video is just insensitive

[naomisilverfang]

As someone with a lot of autism and adhd symptoms I've learned over the years that I very much am a people pleaser, but I think it comes more from doing things in life the "correct" way that I feel like I *have* to in order to be seen as equal by neurotypical peers.

And my depression has me questioning all the time if I'm selfish for seeking the love and validation of others, so I often shut down in social situations and don't make friends out of the fear that I'll say something wrong that might hurt them, or that they'll struggle to *get* me. So I just sort of sit on my little island with the handful of friends I check in with every once in a while and focus on my life.

[SophTheNeko]

Look. This channel has helped a lot of people. Everyone has their bad take once or twice. But this video is AWFUL and harmful. Being a people pleaser can be a result of trauma.

[japirdoldnoniewierzsco]

0:56 it consumes u.
1:37 its mainly about helping urself.
2:38 u look for approval.
3:36 u start from a place of emptiness.
4:10 u take away the personal agency from others.
<3
yeah im a people pleaser i need to stop;/

[StayAIive]

As a people pleaser with severe anxiety (yes, professionally diagnosed) I can say that this is NO WHERE NEAR correct. I do it because I want others to be happy, to keep crap of their sholders. I loose my sense of what happiness and replace it with anxiety just to make people happy. HOW THE HELL IS THAT SELFISH, PHYCH2GO?!

[MollySato]

Not all ”people pleasers” are covert narcissists. The people you describe in the video sounds more like persons in that category.

[markmuller]

Extreme and prolonged loneliness or isolation can lead into turning a pleaser for the fear of losing the incredibly rare friends and romance opportunities but paradoxically that's also a good sign that you've at least rationalised the importance of socialization despite being unable to internalise and practice it naturally due to brain disorders (like ADHD) or a large number of mental disorders

[ralunix]

First time I am dissappointed in this channel.
Not all people pleasers are fake, many acctually are just nice people ready to give everyone anything not from what you said a sense of selfishness so they can feel like heroes, but from a sense of duty and love and people swallow them whole and they even say thanks.
This video can actually make some of those people feel bad.
I have seen many good people, people who didn't realize that goodness has a limit. You come here and say it's selfish?
Better start saying SOME and A FEW, not all people pleasers try to please themselves.
Take time to rethink this one.