How to Overcome Toxic Shame, Feeling Unworthy or Not 'Enough'

#codependency #lifecoach #relationships #selflove
Shame is that overwhelming emotion that causes a person to feel flawed, not good enough, unlovable, 'broken'. When you hold yourself in guilt or shame, you are actually resonating with the two lowest vibrations in the emotional spectrum. Those two emotions derail personal growth, create obstruction and often result in feeling overwhelmingly lethargic, unable to thrive and feel alive. It is a roadblock to true inner peace and happiness.
In this video I give you a powerful tool to help you to heal from shame in a way that is immediate, effective and long lasting.

[gurudra]

*Guilt is to the soul, what pain is to the body*

[wendy]

Most of us have the shame of being victimized by a narcissist or more than one narcissist. We are feeling that shame of appearing weak. And what's worse is the public opinion of someone who's been victimized. They shame you for not leaving sooner. They shame you for falling into the trap of a narcissist. And most think it's really easy to walk away. It's not. Everybody has their reasons. Most reasons surround the issue of finances. Plus you're torn. You're afraid of staying, and you're also afraid of walking away. You're afraid that you won't be able to cope financially, emotionally, and mentally. And you feel ashamed about what your kids went through, the relationships that the narcissist managed to ruin and can't be repaired. So much about the shame revolves around self doubt.

[davidweber]

Self validation ... so hard when literally some have had 40 years of critical destructive ... abusive ... coercive abuse via parents, partners ect. Your wonderful .... brilliant and good person ... not the trash your portrayed as. Love your work Michele

[lughlamhfada]

That's what this whole inner child concept is about, it's your emotions. You reject the little you when you wish your emotions would just go away. I tell myself, "It's understandable that you would feel that way".

Michelle, you are so on the right track, you're an outstanding soul. You are a goddess healing the world, while healing yourself. Thank you for everything.

[Sereneis]

Self-compassion is the antidote to shame

[elonmust]

I used to think my life was a tragedy, but now I realize it's a comedy. Thanks for another great video Michele

[tomsmith]

Shame is Nasty stuff!!
My shame WAS(PAST TENSE) tripartite;
1) who I was
2) what I looked like
3)what I thought/ my opinions
So, this is how I won.
Any time, any place I feel any emotion but self love, I tell myself
Over and over I love you in this monument, with this feeling, this thought period!
Concerning my appearance,
Every morning I start at my toes
Work my way to the top of head
And back down to my toes, saying I love each and every part.
Concerning my thoughts/ opinions
I give NO ONE my right/power over my inner life. Who do they think they are to hold there opinion
/thoughts above mine. Its mine and mine alone. If they don't like it
They can go pound sand.
They can share there's but not at the expense of mine.
At first it feels strange, but it gets better and better.
So to all of you, GO FOR IT.

[valariemundy]

I felt shame/humiliation when 6 days after my husband discarded me he was hugged up with my nieces friend on FB at a party. I feel shame because my children tried to warn me not to get involved with him because he was beneath me and I didn’t listen and now look where I am!🙄
I also feel shame because I seem not to have good judgment when it comes to picking men...

[johnpaul]

The last thing I would think is a beautiful young woman would teach and help me to think with some clarity I feel blessed to have you here in this life Actually I am I know I am. Thank you so much. Whoever hurt you is a real dummy They mustn’t had a clue .

[lisas]

I've been going deeper into the intricacies of healing. Over the last few days I've noticed my co-dependence has really made me feel responsible for everything! And when my kids have any problem I can't fix I feel overwhelmed and then I feel shame for being a bad mum AND for being overwhelmed. Then physically I get a crampy tummy and get real tired and suicidal thoughts start up (I got a control of those now tho so can dismiss them easily sometimes), I hate myself and i cry. My childhood was filled with all the abuses. The utter neglect my mother showed for my feelings after all I went thru, after all I did for her - stunning! The sadness I feel. It takes me right back to specific incidences. I sit with my blanket and my tissues and I cry for those horrible pivotal moments when ur parents say "you are nothing" - it's a lot.

[jakeroe]

i have carried shame around most of my life, i only realized until the last year or two that i have toxic shame and i realize it has been polluting my life for many years. Shame can hide a person's inner beauty and true self, i am glad that i am seeing this and you're right, i was raised by people who invalidated and gaslighted me, i don't trust how i feel most of the time, it has created this way where i feel feelings but i somehow am disconnected from them, like i am looking at the feelings from the outside and i treat it like some thing that will go away and is nothing, i try to feel how i feel but i feel like an idiot for embracing some thing i feel. I am so glad that i found your channel and i hope to free a lot of my trapped/invalidated feelings and be comfortable with it one day.

[Vintagewitchstyle]

This is so true. It’s a very overwhelming feeling. You’re basically afraid that they were right to say you weren’t enough. It was already a weak area that they preyed on. Facing it takes that power away.

[zzulm]

When I feel shame and I'm alone I rub my arms to feel loved even if I'm feeling shame. And when my boss is triggering me I stay present and I repeat back at him what he just said or I make a quick guess of what is his point of view of the current situation, if I'm correct he agrees if not he communicates what he wants and needs. I do this because I have this shame wound and many people do too. And this helps with comunication during our healing journey.

[Chris-]

You're on fire here lately, Michele! Alot of really good posts. This one is no exception. Really great timing for me.

[rupaj]

This brought tears to my eyes 😢. Thank you for explaining it this way🙏🏽 It really does make me feel supported and loved when I hear those self validating words. ❤

[zeusssonfire]

Great content as always Michele, this is a great technique for removing negative self talk. “Don’t hate, validate!”


I love the thread you’ve been pursuing about processing unresolved emotions and traumas in the body. I’ve been using a technique in my own recovery where I journal a dialogue between myself (as my own parent) and my inner child who had to experience the trauma / is currently experiencing an emotional flashback.


Sometimes he needs me to support him through feelings of shame, and guilt, like in your skit. Other times I have to shout and get angry at the inner critic that is shouting at him and violating his boundaries. Protecting him through all those times as a child he had nobody there to stand between him and his mother. Validating his anger, his fear, his confusion etc. and processing it.


Anger is also an emotion that needs to be processed. Pete Walker writes about a technique where the voice of the inner critic is externalized from us, and becomes the target of all the anger we would heap onto ourselves and others. By processing all these emotions we gradually “de-fuel” the inner critic, as he puts it.


You still validate the inner child hearing the negative self talk, but allow yourself to naturally get angry AT the self-talk as if it’s virus that’s attacking your body. You're not angry at the child (or yourself) but rather the nagging voice that is not your own.


That being said, your video is a helpful and gentle reminder to not get lost in processing that anger, and remember to sit gently with the inner child in his/her in the shame, and guilt that was put into them years and years ago. A blend of the two approaches allows for even more opportunities to process those ‘stuck’ emotions and in both cases the inner child is always being validated and not hated.

I'll be sure to incorporate "Don't hate, validate!" into my journalling efforts over the days to come.


Thanks again for all you do for us!

[Feequilts]

Awesome advice. I found doing the hugging you as a young child meditation so helpful. My favourite saying is “Be kind to you”. I had a lot of shame finding out about my narc’s secret life. I felt like everyone was looking at me even though they didn’t know. Doing a lot of research on that topic helped and that lead me to Michele as people were talking online about narc traits that were ringing bells. Being ok with me on the healing journey has been the key. Now that I talk about my narc experiences, people say to me that what I told them about how the narc treats me was weird (validation, right?). Healing the childhood traumas has turned my life around. In the narc/healing quilt I just made, I wanted to portray the shame of my marriage in it in a quilty way so I put in bad stitch tension, dents in the stitching around the swords and am okay with any frayed edges that appear. I also put two gold bands around the edges with a murky coloured fabric in between that represent the marriage rings and all that he put between us along with how I was made to feel inside. Be kind to you, always. You deserve it.

[LouieShowers]

From my perspective, it's really traumatic in itself to come to the realization that someone literally owns your identity and well being. Most victims of these predators are super empathetic and narcs cash in on that BIG TIME. They incrementally push boundaries until they are confident in overtly disregard your every need. What a curse.

[cydsnest]

It bangs on yr soul from inside your body. I only very recently realized how my chronic pain syndromes absolutely never belonged to me. I swallowed other peoples shame, and it made me sick for decades. Now that I know this, I can actually feel my body releasing layers of tension and pain on a regular basis. It’s been an amazing, enlightening, and freeing experience. Thank you so much, Michele.

[nothanks]

WOW PERFECT TIMING! I just withdrew from my support system because of the looming shame I internalized feom my Ex narc. I didn't know where to even start. Bless you!