Why I Stopped Spending Money Trying To Be 'That Girl'

Through bi-weekly video essays, "Making It Work" showcases how *real* people have upgraded their personal or financial lives in some meaningful way. Making your life work for you doesn't mean getting rich just for the sake of it. It means making the most of what you have to build a life you love, both in your present and in your future. And while managing money is a crucial life skill for everyone, there's no one "right way" to go about it — you have to figure out what works best for *you,* full stop.

Video by Grace Lee

Written by Skylar Hunyadi

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[deniseklemm]

On a German podcast, there was a commenter noting that "That Girl" kinda feels like that "50s housewive propaganda", women always effortlessly put together, happy, beautiful, slim, neatly arranged and spotless homes, cooking healthy aestetic meals and in general a kind of romanticised outlook on (solitary) domenstic life ... but this time there is no amphasis on a man (the woman also effortlessly has to be the breadwinner/hustler, ideally working from home/freelancing etc)

[bogwoman]

I feel like we should admit now that "that girl" is simply wealth p*rn... it's a type of "wellness" that is only achievable for the highest income levels. "Self care" for people working minimum wage looks entirely different, and is also more community based. It would be nice to have a culture of wellness that is workable for people who don't have the time and resources to invest in themselves in this way.

[no.reply_]

If someone says you need to buy something to be better, more beautiful, and happier it's probably a scam

[LucyStokesOceansofNotions]

Be mindful that the wellness industry needs you to feel bad about yourself so that they can sell you a solution. “That girl” is simply marketing.

[courtney]

Getting off social media is a good first step to solving your problem.

[goodluckginkgo]

My problem with ‘that girl’ is that it’s all about being perceived. The name already invokes the image of someone pointing across the street or cafe and saying I want to be THAT girl. That’s not about trying to be the best you. It’s about envy and the desire to be envied.

[heatherlaurenRN]

Absolutely! My “that girl” routine today is decompressing from long nursing shifts by sitting in my Pajamas until noon with coffee and a quiet house. I’ll get to the rest of my life later lol

[poshdelux]

*“We buy things we don't need with money we don't have to impress people we don't like.”*
-Fight Club

[dripjames]

In all honesty, I think the "that girl" aesthetic is just a reinvented and polished version of the "girl boss" trope that died in 2018. At it's very core, it's measuring one's entire self-worth based on their productivity---a byproduct of capitalism that manifests itself into both the girl boss and "that girl" aesthetic. Sure, we can argue that these trends aren't inherently harmful since it drives women to become the best version of themselves but more often than not it throws women into this constant whirlwind of expectations to be able to "do it all". To be able to work, study, exercise, drink 8 glasses of water all while looking fabulous at the same time. Not to mention, in it's most reduced form it's simply just pseudo-self growth. People relying on checklists and external reassurance that they've healed without doing any of the real leg work (reflecting, practicing mindfulness, being rational, etc) to do it. All in all, its safe to say that I can not wait for this trend to enter the grave with all of the other terrible trends over the last decade!

[jampsonn]

Yessss, this is reason #1 I deleted IG and logged out of FB. Social media and the constant fomo/comparison culture are not things I am able to manage well, so I decided it was better for it all to be out of sight out of mind. My homemade lattes aren't pretty, I have a cemetery of half-attempted journals, and I wish I had more time to do yoga. Yet, I'm still living life my way, never having to worry about whether or not my shit is aesthetic or if I'm doing enough. Deff feel less anxious overall, so I completely agree with this 😊

[katarh]

If adding a routine doesn't leave me feeling better after it, then it's not worth keeping. I exercise after work twice a week because I always feel better afterward. When I tried getting up at 7AM to run, I felt miserable and resentful about it. Just before bed I wash my face, brush my teeth, and slap my hair in a braid because I sleep better that way. Adding in a good retinol serum and moisturizer is part of that because my face would feel tight and dry if I didn't, so that part of the routine gets to stay.

[rebeccaw]

“That girl” is just a business woman making a dollar. Keep that in mind, everything is curated, written on script, planned and filmed and edited. Everything. Take everything with a grain of salt, “that girl” or person or male (whatever) is also restricted to their education, upbringing and personal views, or fee they have accepted to promote a product or service. Also, don’t hate on these girls, boys, peoples as… they’re just business people earning a dollar - it takes a lot of work to curate a video. It is a full time job. Enjoy them as just entertainment, not an ideal to live by. We don’t see them in their down (private) time.

[Rosie-xmry]

It’s always “Girl Boss” and “That Girl”, why isn’t it enough to just be “Girl” 🤔

[Wyn_W]

Our precious energy, our very existence is being sucked away. The reality is we are being alienated during the working hours of our jobs, our excess labor value is being extracted and funneled into the least important parts of our world. The society is structured for most of us to fail, we need to revolutionize our environments to allow for the true and genuine pursuit of happiness. Stop blaming the individual (yourself rn) and take up an interest in the fact that you live in a society, and society is failing us. Band together, you are not alone. (the "you" in this context is anyone that needs to hear this.)

[OsirisMalkovich]

It's very generous of you to assume at the root of this trend is a desire to help people be better, rather than make money from making women hate themselves by marketing unattainable lifestyles to them 24/7.

[TANGARASandOSCARS]

Even as a bloke I can say having an overly rigid routine to keep yourself together is VACUOUS (sucks). You need to do what works for you. Less is more.

[Indykitty]

yes I am 52 and even older ppl can fall prey to this.

[alicec.]

Randomly scrolling through social media is ruining everybody's brains.
I have noticed how people sit together, but staring at their phones watching reels after reels with those voices, songs and noises repeating endlessly in the background.
I am so sick of it I forbid myself to do this and my brain got so much better lately. I can't stand it anymore.

[rosie]

I don’t believe that it’s healthy to chase perfection. But I also don’t think it’s wrong to work on self-improvement, and it’s not wrong to be vain either. Ultimately how you spend your money and your time comes down to your priorities. Some people think it’s wrong to spend money on yourself like this. I think as long as you’re not going into debt and you’re saving for your future at a reasonable rate, you should not feel guilty for spending money on yourself. I’m not saying money buys happiness or whatever, but let’s not feel guilty for being able to afford more expensive lifestyles.

[oclockfinance]

Omg Yas TFD! One. Size. Does. Not Fit All. And the constant comparison also pits women against each other when we should be building each other up!!