End personal relationships with narcissistic control freaks

Hi, I’m Ben Leichtling, president of Bullies Be Gone. We’re gonna talk about how to get the bullies gone from your life. Specifically, we’ll talk about how to stop covert, sneaky bullies and narcissistic, control freaks in personal relationships.

Overt bullies are easy to recognize; they’re loud, obnoxious, threatening and in your face.

Sneaky, stealthy bullies are harder to recognize. Seven warning signs of bullying controllers are that they think:

1. They know best about everything; just ask them. They point out all your mistakes and failings. Their absolute certainty seduces you. You become unsure of your own judgment and wisdom; eventually you give in to them.
2. They’re more important than you are. Your whole life should be devoted to their needs, their wants, their whims. Their desires, jealousies, issues and concerns (not yours) become the focus of all interactions. They’re entitled to get what they want.
3. Sometimes, their feelings get hurt so easily that you’re too polite or too afraid to upset them. Or they’ll commit suicide and it’ll be your fault.
4. Their sense of humor is correct. They can say whatever they want and you’re supposed to take it. They make nasty, vicious, demeaning, hurtful remarks. Then they laugh like it’s a joke. If you object, they say you’re too sensitive or they were kidding. Your feelings are stupid and not logical.
5. Everyone is a pawn in their game. You have value only so long as you can help them or you worship them. They’re selfish, arrogant and demanding. Anyone who doesn’t help or who gets in their way is an enemy. You’re afraid that if you disagree, they’ll strike back at you.
6. Their excuses should excuse them. Their reasons are enough to justify what they do. If you don’t agree, you simply don’t understand or you’re evil. Narcissists think their jealousy, anger and hatred, their retaliation and revenge, are not bad characteristics.
7. Their logic, reasoning and rules should rule. They’re allowed to do anything they want – to take what they want, to attack or to strike back in any way they want – but everyone else should be bound by their rules. If your feelings are hurt by what they’ve said or done, it’s your fault and your problem. They’re right and righteous. Everything is your fault. They’re great debaters or they simply talk so loud and long that eventually you give in. They think they don’t have anything to learn.

No matter what reasons they have, if they bully helpless people – like clerks and waiters –eventually they’ll start bullying you. Get rid of them now.

You’re never going to change them. They’re bullying, control-freaks. Can you talk a hungry wolf out of eating you because you’re a vegetarian? You’ll never be good enough for them. You can’t deserve or earn good behavior from a narcissistic, toxic, control freak.

Ignore your self-bullying; that little voice that doesn’t like you, that tells you that the narcissistic control-freak might be right or that you must rescue or save them. Trust your own gut. Don’t get sucked in, like you would into a black hole.

If we don’t stop bullies, they’ll think we’re easy prey. Like sharks, they’ll just go after us more.

Love has nothing to do with it. It doesn’t matter how much they say they love you. Their actions show how they love you.

What’s the price of tolerating bullies? Slow erosion of our souls!

Make something wonderful out of your remaining 20-30-40-50 years. Be the hero of the rest of your life. Take charge of your future by taking charge of yourself.

Of course, there are many complications depending on your situation. The best way to learn how: 1. To take power in your life, 2. To be the person you want to be, and 3. To have a rich, full, wonderful life is to hire me for personalized coaching and counseling.

So please call me at 1-877-8Bullies, that’s 1-877-8Bullies, so we can create a plan that will be effective in your specific situation.

[AZDC]

4:00 "Love has nothing to do with it. Their actions show you how they love you!" I needed to hear this because I used to excuse some of the mistreatment as supposed misplaced love or something. Thanks for clearing the final piece of FOG for going no contact with some and low contact with a few other ones. I need to remember this simple reminder to keep myself out of the sweet/mean cycle

Never believe what a narcissist says, instead watch what they actually do, indeed!

[charletteburks]

Ppl are crazy.. want to control your life and have no control over their own 😐

[nellygribble]

they are Satan In sheep's clothing.

[calonstanni]

WOW this described my boyfriend of 18 years to a "T." Blaming me for his suicidal thoughts, Telling me that the only thing that mattered to him was my happiness while he steadily berated/insulted me, controlled my every waking minute, had me walking on eggshells every minute because there was no telling what he would be mad about at any time. He was a GREAT arguer too... I could never debate with him because he was so loud and vicious. I apologized constantly whether I had done anything wrong or not because he was always so ANGRY and MEAN and I couldn't stand up to him. I started hating myself for being such a doormat. Alas, finally a week ago he threatened to move out if I insisted on waking up at 5am every morning. Seriously... he tried to control my sleep pattern even though I needed to get up that early to make it to work on time! I called his bluff. I told him to move. It's MY House paid for by ME so now he's moving out and WOW was he mad at first but then now he's begging to come back and he's so sweet and apologetic. But nope. He can't come back. I'm now on a mission to find that backbone that I misplaced so many years ago and pick up the pieces of my shattered self esteem. I know I'm lucky that he's now gone but I don't FEEL lucky. I FEEL like a massive open wound that's gonna take a long time to heal. I hope the best for the women and men with abusive controlling partners and hope they can afford to get the help they need. Thanks for the video. It helps me to not feel so alone.

[SK_TorON]

Thank you for the great video!
This should be required educational material for all HR professionals.

[gigismith]

'"You used to have a good sense of humour"' every sentence is an insult, you are supposed to laugh at jokes about your body age, , looks or outfit. They want to control every detail of your behaviour & appearance.

[victory]

I was in situation when i was only single person in our family. People didn't want to talk with me and ignored me, because of that ... lets say they wanted to *manipulate* me into thinking that they ignored me because i was single man. Then later in life i decided to try same thing to them, ignoring them. They became more aggressive towards me and laughed and actually talked to me and asked "how are you". So now i know all this bullshit was only about to controll me, nothing else. I learned i can't never win them and they never change.

[bigbopper]

My whole family is like this . I can careless if I ever see them again. Especially my grandmother. I dislike all my family except my oldest brother.

Thank you Ben. You have helped me  so much. :) I had a friendship for over 20 years, and I believe she was a covert narcissist and so confusing. She would be "nice", if you were willing to walk on egg shells and not bring up your opinion, stand up for yourself or tell her she hurt you. It wasn't just me, it was some other friends too, who felt entangled in a friendship we no loner wanted. I couldn't take it anymore and gave her a piece of my mind over the phone, she hung up, and wrote this horrible email about how I dare defy her. I'm glad the friendship is over, I'm just sorry I wasted years trying to be a friend.

[tazoz]

this speaks so much to me . you use the sentence " you're too sensitive " . i have heard another one as well " we cannot say anything to you " . my parents were great but i have aunts, uncles, cousins that are terrible !

[stephenhymesjr.]

Wow. Thank you so much. This was the most helpful advice I've been looking for regarding my father. Every single example reminded me of him.

[abcrane]

"NVC" (non violent communication) is a narc.'s dream come true. I had someone try to force me out of my very direct way of communicating into this wordy mind game, and he used it to excuse his own behavior. Example: After the 5th little nag over stupid stuff like how to pull a plug from an outlet (literally!) in about an hour's time, I told him to stop being controlling. He responded "it's violent to label me controlling." And, "It's your responsibility to not take this personal." Beware of the new ager NVC dude/gal. I'll stick to straight talk (nYc--New Yorker Communication:) not this overly left brain wordy sneaky way to dodge responsibility. Thank you very much:)

[Supriyakar]

I am from India
Your videos helped me so much while tolerating my narcissistic parents. Thank you very much. May your life be full of peace and prosperity. ❤

[beaglerescue]

Please add that they accuse you of what they are or what they’re doing.

[nemothecat]

I thought I was the only one who had a family that bullied me...i now have a bully husband and my children can't be with me. I wish I had strength and money to fight....

[GroundedGame]

I work with a coworker and he is a piece of s. he even disagrees with rules imposed by the boss because he thinks he is always right and argues with me about it. I must work with him every day so that I set my boundaries and only talk to him when necessary for work reasons.

[infjmom]

Yes.. so much of this is true.. the suicide line was so frequent... constant guilting

[ravensnewlife]

I so wish that I had found your channel while I was married to a covert narcissistic bully. He threatened to commit suicide and that is how he ended our marriage. He ended up in the mental hospital for a few days then came home with his entire controlling abusive family and a moving van to take our stuff. You are describing him to a T in this video. I wasted so many years with this man but I don't intend to waste anymore. I am divorced now and free but I share your videos with others in the hopes they don't find themselves trapped in a marriage like I was to a bully.

[MultiJoan]

dealing with one myself break away....

[catrinalee]

I see all of this in someone I love. And Im tired of not bein respected, not taken seriously, Im only good enough when they need me, always makin me feel guilty when I try to express my concerns & they sulk like a scolded child. I do love him, but I have considered leavin. I dont want a failed marriage. We need help.