Cognitive Bypassing: How to Get Out of Your Head | Being Well Podcast

Cognitive bypassing occurs when we overthink to avoid feeling uncomfortable emotions like sadness, fear, or anger. In this episode, Dr. Rick and I share our personal experiences with cognitive bypassing, and explore how we can step out of our heads, get in touch with our emotions, and live a more fulfilling life. You'll learn why people can't just "feel their feelings," the function of cognitive bypassing, how we can use cognition to create space for our emotions, and practical tools for connecting with the non-cognitive aspects of our experience.

Key Topics:
0:00 Introduction
1:50 What is cognitive bypassing?
3:00 How cognitive bypassing comes up in therapy
6:10 The function of cognitive bypassing
11:25 Does insight lead to action?
19:15 “Feel your feelings” vs. self-actualizing
25:20 Leveraging your cognition to create space from your feelings
31:25 Body sensations and self-compassion
34:35 Relating to others
39:15 Practical steps to being in touch with yourself
42:30 Intensity, valence, and opening to empathy
45:35 Rigidity and resistance
50:35 The range of possibilities within your constraints
57:15 Recap

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[robertafierro]

Growing up in a household where my concerns were quickly dismissed or explained away, I always felt the need to over express myself or worse, overshare..the damage lasted my entire life. It's almost as if I expect to be dismissed.

[uncledimmi]

"Hi dad." "Hi son, I love you." - entire audience breaks into tears.

[finsterthecat]

Sensation
Somatic feeling
Acceptance
Self compassion

[isabellekeyzer]

I used to narrate my traumas very intellectually and go on and on talking about the most emotional things in a very narrative way. My therapist used to notice the slightest emotion that I was not aware of myself, and stop me and ask me to halt by what I just said and feel what it felt inside when I stood still with that experience...
This was very helpful. She never told me I was cognitive bypassing. This I realized by myself with time...
I realized that explaining things to myself had been a very good protector when I was a child... This had become part of my functioning. It was cutting out the messages of my feelings and the time I could be pausing to find new strategies. I learned that feelings are like the little lights that go on in your car when something is not as it needs to be. They are there to help me trust myself, not to scare me, and not to explain away

[theladyamalthea]

I can’t imagine having a conversation like this with either of my parents, but my goal is to talk with my kids like this when they are grown up. Great talk; great example!

[CreativeArtandEnergy]

I totally admire the reciprocal connection you both have as professionals and family. It blows my mind in a good way and I just love all your topics.

[carrie]

I hate when ppl ask me "how do you feel" like I don't know my feet hurt 🤷‍♀️

[maryannribble]

It is so wonderful to see a father and son sharing so reciprocally and delightfully about these very important issues - and so clearly communicating 🎉😊

[ddazuulada]

My first time watching this channel. I have never seen two people talk like this, much less if it's father and son! It was fascinating to me.

[lulumoon]

And I've found allowing myself time to pause without replying and NOT thinking of what I want to say next as a gif way to override overthinking!

[mmkvoe]

Interactive bypassing...when people reveal that they know that's the impasse with in trying to find a better therapist or whatever, I like to put it this way: "Sometimes we need to be taught and learn skills, and sometimes we need to share information and have others report that they received the information, but sometimes you just need to be a human being and to have others be human beings around you and treat you like a human being."

[pmays]

Most emotionally well-adjusted family in America.

[GGVanilla]

Watching a father and son interact in such a loving way is so heartwarming and healing. I’m learning how to communicate in a kind way by watching you too. Thank you 🙏🏻

[Mogo-jan]

The first example sounds exactly like me when I started seeing my current therapist. The way I would tell her things was very matter of fact. Honestly I thought I was over my traumas because I didn't feel anyway about them. I even told her about a suicide attempt a week prior to seeing her in a no big deal type of way. She had to tell me I was depressed because at the time I didn't think I was even with the suicide attempt. Nowadays she helps validate my emotions an that its okay to feel and accept how I feel. The best way to put it is giving me "permission" to have emotions. I never realized that's all I wanted.

[helenaquin]

"Trapped in the insight (stage)", not getting to feel the feelings..
That resonates so strongly for certain scenarios how can it not have some truth to it..🙏

[susanmacdonald]

This is really helpful. Have spent years talking and intellectualizing my emotions, which was unhelpful. Also, therapists need to be patient. Pressuring someone to feel all their emotions all of a sudden is too stressful.

[avakennedy]

Wow, you two have really launched something special here. As a “reformed rigid person” Forrest, you really held out a gentle hand to take the first step of feeling. I’m a deep feeling person, and the guidance you both give really helps me drop into a deep level. Then Forrest swings it back to the practical, which I think allows many to feel safe. Your compassionate advice really opened something for me: within the realm of possibilities for yourself, go for the best within that range. Don’t settle for just what you’re comfortable with. This was a magical session. I’m sure you both must have felt it—the depth you were able to take us and then encouraging us to move into our best options.

[AuntieRachelB]

I love how you articulated the fact that we may have constraints, but there is still a range of possibility within those constraints. It feels like too often we get stuck in what our limitations are, and give up the power we have to make a play using the cards we've been dealt. Thanks for this delightful conversation!

[cubanadiense]

Aww that joy of talking to your father with love, super cute to see

[roseyjohn]

I soooo soooo love you guys. Father so humble, son so generous in his expression of gratitude for his dad's wealth of wisdom. You both ROCK.

Love you.
BAHAMAS 🇧🇸