Cognitive Dissonance: Emotion Processing 22/30

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Cognitive dissonance is when we have a gap between what we believe is right and what we are doing. This means that we believe one thing but are acting on something else. You can do all the coping and meditation and self-care you can handle, but if you don’t figure out cognitive dissonance, you’re not going to feel good. There is no substitute for integrity when it comes to peace of mind.

Therapy in a Nutshell, LLC, and the information provided by Emma McAdam are solely intended for informational and entertainment purposes and are not a substitute for advice, diagnosis, or treatment regarding medical or mental health conditions. Although Emma McAdam is a licensed marriage and family therapist, the views expressed on this site or any related content should not be taken for medical or psychiatric advice. Always consult your physician before making any decisions related to your physical or mental health.

About Me:
In therapy I use a combination of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, Systems Theory, positive psychology, and a bio-psycho-social approach to treating mental illness and other challenges we all face in life. The ideas from my videos are frequently adapted from multiple sources. Many of them come from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, especially the work of Steven Hayes, Jason Luoma, and Russ Harris. The sections on stress and the mind-body connection derive from the work of Stephen Porges (the Polyvagal theory), Peter Levine (Somatic Experiencing) Francine Shapiro (EMDR), and Bessel Van Der Kolk. I also rely heavily on the work of the Arbinger institute for my overall understanding of our ability to choose our life's direction.

Copyright Therapy in a Nutshell, LLC
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[tayaz.]

This made me emotional: "Your body is an instrument to do good, not an ornament to be objectified.” Every young adult needs to hear these words and believe them.

[dr.bandito]

dissonance often arises when you are in the midst of shifting belief systems.

Your understanding of the world may be changing but you are also holding onto attachments to old behaviors, thoughts, and relationships that keep you trapped in your old life.

It takes time and careful assessment to figure out what can stay and what should go. Attachments don’t just disappear when you want them to. They need a proper send-off.

[teacherlady]

Emma, I don’t know if you are still even reading these comments but I just have to say…. I spent lots of money and lots of time working with another therapist for almost a year and made zero progress with my anxiety. You have helped me so much just by watching videos!!! Thank you for making a difference in my life. I have to do the work but I thank you for the ideas .

[drewjames]

"Integrity is all about closing the gap between our actions & our values." "There is no substitute for integrity when it comes to a peace of mind." Thank you so much for the reminder! Love the background music. Blessings on you today.

[adilahaz]

My cognitive dissonance:
Forgiveness
The longer I hold to the hurt, anger, bitterness and resentment from mistreatment, I couldn't feel joyful and happiness with my life.
Action:
1. I forgive and let go of past hurt because they no longer serve the purpose
2. I forgive in order to move my life forward to be more kind and compassionate
3. I forgive to release myself from guilt, shame, unworthiness, pain and injustice
Thanks for showing the relativism of values and actions

[amihere]

My biggest help getting rid of those “should dos” is to replace them with “want to”. Saying you should is another way of saying that you have to, and it automatically takes more effort to do something you have to do compared to something you want to do, just because you have to do it. I don’t have to exercise. But I want to, because it makes me feel so much better physically and mentally. It’s not a requirement for me, so it’s not a chore or something that weighs on my mental willpower.

[tuphdc]

she's so wholesome! I feel better just by her presence

[readers]

I am a clinical psychologist and watching her videos has developed me as a therapist so much. I am beyond grateful for her. ❤

[PusheenQueen]

I’ve been in therapy on and off for years. I’ve been ghosted by therapists and I’ve felt like my issues are so deeply ingrained that I almost feel hopeless. I’ve often told therapists that I feel like my logical self hasn’t been able to convince my emotional self so I’ve been living in a black hole of guilt, shame mixed with anxiety, adhd, and thanks to the pandemic, depression. It’s take it’s toll in every single aspect of my life and I can physically feel it. Thanks to your video now I know it’s called cognitive dissonance.

[Kayla]

How is it that I've spent nearly 10 years in therapy and this is the first time someone has explained to me something I have been trying to figure out on my own what my problem is for 26 years now

[sarahglass]

What you teach and share on your channel is life changing. I've gone to therapy on and off for the last 10 years to find help, to live with less stress and anxiety, to heal trauma, and live more authentically and more in alignment with who I am. Youre videos have helped me more than all those years of therapy, in a fraction of the time. So thank you, so very much for what you do.
Also im very much looking forward to the future videos about figuring out ones personal values. As I dont think many people know that about themselves, I know I sure don't and am just scratching the surface on that topic.

[TysonMichael]

“Choosing to be honest about what you value and what you want to do” I love that, I feel like often times we just do things cause we feel or think we “should” when in reality sometimes you don’t want to do that thing at all. I think it’s best to just be honest with ourselves & listen to our bodies

[BozzleyOfficial]

God this is gold. "There is no substitute for integrity when it comes to peace of mind".

[kgreene]

This channel is incredibly valuable to me! I cannot afford traditional therapy right now and these mini lectures really hit the spot and help me process SO much through journaling, thank you!

[ralphmccawley]

Hi Emma, thank you. You may have, in ten minutes, helped me to finally understand what I've been struggling with for 70 years ( minus the 16 + training wheel years). Now it's up to me to gently apply this information and try to make my remaining years more comfortable, not just for myself but the wonderful, patient people that have been loving and supporting me through my sometime troubled and misguided life.
Thank you, you keep up the great and good work, you've obviously have a gift for it as this was the first time I have seen any of your work. All the very best to you and yours.

[Lyddiebits]

I recently realized I have a gigantic gap between who I think I am, versus who people see me as and it’s crushing.

I have thought I was a nice person, but some of me closest people, my husband, and 2 of my 5 siblings say I’m not nice. I’m 48.

This explains a lot, such as why I have felt tolerated, out of familial duty, rather than actual friendship. I have a lot to work on and now I am second guessing every friendship I have.

[LJK]

Thank you so much, Emma, for sharing your knowledge, experience, and wisdom. 💕 I am grateful God led me to your channel, your clear teaching helps me more than you can know. I’m a 70-year widow about to retire from my long career and your videos show me how to understand myself better to be a blessing to others and myself in the new journey ahead. Many blessings to you! ☀️🌷Keep up your work, you are gifted to help others understand our life journey on this earth.

[Unknwn]

I used to have anxiety every day untill I thought about was causing it like being in debt, lying in some way, procrastinating, being around people I shouldnt. Then I stopped doing these things as much as possible and I only get anxious when Im doing something I shouldnt basically. What she’s saying really works

[josephisaround]

Everybody who got offended by the example used in this video is exactly the person who should watch this video.

[waynemills]

I find the appeal to the grace of god within a cognitive dissonance video a rich one. I would contend that gods were the product of a brain bereft of cognitive self examination (like Emma outlines here) and therefore constructed an outlet to specifically address the cognitive dissonance of hope, meaning and purpose in a reality where none of those matter - except of course to us. Vicarious redemption, scapegoating, cognitive saviors etc. all point to a brain's desire to reduce stress when we either make predictive errors or fail to resolve novel predictions. In essence, we use gods to tie off cortisol flow when we can't resolve something ourselves.