Communication is ruining your relationships | Beth Luwandi Lofstrom | TEDxGustavusAdolphusCollege

STOP TALKING; How your communication is actually ruining your relationships (and what to do about it)

Luwandi Lofstrom, a 1992 graduate of Gustavus, is a private practicing psychotherapist from Cincinnati, Ohio, who works with couples and individuals to navigate the most painful of human experiences. She has been discussed at PsychCentral, is a regular presenter on love, loss and relationship in the Cincinnati area, and has a podcast, Midlife Love Bytes.

[angelinakapweya]

I just finished watching this, and I'm honestly speechless. These are the kind of talks teachers should be having with their learners in Life Skills

[Abhishek-vzud]

Relationship needs connection. Connection needs communication.
One thing that helped us build that strong connection and its really funny.. was this couples questions game "Lovify".
It gave us a way to communicate our feelings without any argument ❤

[mariamalicek]

I love this woman she is honest and straight up!!!

[BudoReflex]

I like it. It seems she needs more time to explain it than she had. It's actually very challenging to word it this way. To own that "I feel" instead of "you make me feel" "I want" instead of some appeal to expectations, and can you help me? Instead of "you should".

[zx]

You've definitely contributed something helpful. You made me see my mistake. Now hopefully I'll make things work which until before this video i was running away from. Thank you.

[isabellebernard]

Check out Non-Violent Communication, it's basically the same thing but in more detail

[mysticafiora]

This is essentially what Marshall Rosenberg taught in Nonviolent Communication. His full audio book teaching you how to communicate in this effective way in depth is on Youtube.

[karthikasilambu]

Wow... Lady you nailed it... This is the same case in every family. When my in-law says I need to talk.. everyone in home gets butterflies in stomach, when she says 'or else's .. it implies I'm gonna make you feel terrible for this decision😂.

[Coach_MarcyBob]

All this communication stuff makes me wish I never got married. Single people need not consult anyone about anything ever. I miss that terribly. Really what does having a spouse do for you? Really?

[truthbetoldgizmo]

How can a woman like this be going through her third divorce?! Something is definitely wrong with her partners or, there's something hidden about her we will never know that her exes know, or don't. But I just can't imagine why she can't find a good partner to share these believes with yet. Maybe she just likes/attracted to deadbeats?

[jonathanhoffman]

Empathy, Respect, Connection
1. I feel...
2. I want...
3. Can you help?

[EmilySmith-dbzn]

great video and experience . also had a great expereince with my man last night with natural drops spanish fly And I am telling you, he will never forget it !!!

[asha_vere]

The title is click bait. It should be BAD Communication Is Ruining Your Relationships

[janeshyokina]

The title definitely needs to change. She is still talking about learning how to communicate on a different level. Perhaps "Communication Tips for Healthier Relationships"

[PaulAndRachelle]

Non Dominating Communication:
1. I feel...
2. I want... (Not asking something from you)
3. What do you think? / Can you help?
You can take a no; you're already taking it!

This style of communication resists the urge to control the other person.
Be aware when you want to control the response from the other person, which actually means you want to control them!

[yareyaredaz]

A relationship needs mutual respect and effort. If only one tries all the time and the other just refuses to do anything for the relationship it won't work.

[snowjae]

The title is misleading. It should correctly say "Bad communication is ruining your relationships".

[aleks]

Love this. So clean and simple.

The pattern of communication
she is promoting seems just like what we normally do when we don’t feel a strong need to control the outcome. “I feel hungry. I want to get a pizza. How about you?” (Then observe.) It gives the other person space to weigh in. For me, the challenge is to be aware when I want to control the outcome - and then realize I cannot really do that - so consciously avoid the domination pattern.

Practicing this in many contexts not only makes me a better friend or partner, it also (through observation) leads to a better selection of friends, partners, and even service providers.

[thisisntallowed]

I don't like the title because I don't think it's true, but I like what she says. This is all in the way you're communicating.

[adroitcaptor]

This video is like reading a novel. 15 minutes to give 2 minutes of content.