3 Power phrases for difficult people at work--how to respond to toxic people

In this professional communication training video, how to respond to rude comments at work, online communication coach and corporate trainer Dan O'Connor gives you three power phrases you can use to shut down insulting comments and difficult people at work, while maintaining your professionalism. Professional communication trainer Dan O'Connor approaches his courses, classes, online and onsite training differently from other trainers. He teaches the words and techniques and posture you can use to immediately change the way you communicate. He doesn't discuss theory; he gives you the words.

When someone insults you, judges you, or is condescending to you at work, try one of these 3 power responses:

1) Respond with a statement: For example, "John, I'm surprised you would insult me on such a personal level when I've always considered our relationship to be strictly professional.
2) Respond with a question: John, I'm confused, what have I done to lead you to believe that our relationship is that intimate or familiar? Because I've always considered it to be nothing more than professional and would appreciate you keeping it that way."
3) Respond with an apology: "John, I'm not sure what I've done to offend you and cause you to attack and judge me on such a personal level, but whatever it is, I want you to know I really apologize, because I know you, and this isn't like you. I have always enjoyed the professional relationship we have, and hope we can continue to enjoy a strictly professional relationship."

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Dan divides his time between the United States and Mexico, where he lives just outside of Guadalajara, in a lakeside village nestled in the Sierra Madres. It is there that Dan lives to spoil his two Springer Spaniels—Maggie Mae, his material girl If you have watched Dan’s videos on the 5 languages of love, appreciation, and respect you’ll know, and the four-legged relationship hero that’s changing the course of communication history: Buddy the Dog.

[TheWizardOfWords]

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[babycricket]

I called police on my bullied coworkers. The whole company was shocked n surprised. Especially the security guard who was greeted by local cops at front desk
They asked me what the reasons were and I said my upper management failed to protect victims like me.
When asked by cops, both supervisors and managers and HR couldn't answer.
I brought bullies to court and got a restrained order.
They got fired. Supervisor and managers got transfered.

[GS-stns]

I wish I were as quick or had as much time to explain. A co-worker of mine asked, in front of a dozen people, "do you mind if I ask how old you are"? My surprisingly calm reply to her in front of those people was "do you mind if I ask you how much you weigh"? She gasped because she's the workplace control freak. I told her, "I answer professional questions not personal questions"; then I closed the door and left.

[seichorn]

I will NEVER EVER apologize to the bullies.

[fazbell]

I just realized that I apparently spent my whole career working in "insult factories". Retirement is freedom.

[chefalbert]

People at work will never be your friend. That is one thing you have to understand. Everyone is out for themselves. I live free without worry and I am confident person. But in my work I do I find others don't accept what I do and try to tear me in half. They do not like to be below me and yet I am moving up quickly and passing them in a shorter time. But in all my years of experience in the field I am in as made me understand people. There is no place in business to put anyone down or tease them at work. We are not there for that. It's work it's place to work not a place to make fun at others.

[onemercilessming]

I have always found that people who snark (demeaning/belittling comments, rudeness, "put-downs") are those who fear the target's talent, ability, upward mobility within the company, and education. If they think they can make YOU look diminished, then THEY will advance. Any company that permits this (and, yes, there are companies which will allow targeting a "company scapegoat") is a company to avoid. The toxic workplace is no joke. No workplace is perfect, but removing yourself from such a toxic workplace will improve your mental and physical health.

[rodentcafeteria]

Here's one I used when I felt someone in superior position was "talking down" to me: "I don't mind doing whatever it is you ask of me as far as my job is concerned, but you thinking that you're going to talk to me anyway you want - that just ain't gonna happen." Worked like a charm. I'm a firm believer that if you want respect, you give respect.

[ontoyoualways]

I went to work with a new hairstyle years ago. A short haircut. Gelled when wet and simple. A co-worker rudely asked in front of others, "Did you forget to dry your hair"? I responded, "Did you forget to put your make-up on"? Worked!

[libbykaynorris]

Great advice but be careful with one on one workplace meetings. Never go into a closed door meeting without a neutral third party.

[mifnp]

This guy is SO good!
I've recently discovered the effectiveness of staring and silence coupled with 'I must have done something really horrible for you to feel the need to humiliate me in public. Perhaps you'd like to share it with all of us?'

[Ray-sekm]

Dan, 20 years in the workforce and I've found you this late. It's too bad, but thanks for helping people including myself. You're leaving something positive to this cruel world.

[sminthian]

I wish I had your mom. My mom always taught me "Just ignore them and they'll go away". No, it only made it worse...

[rc]

I use the Wow Them Method lol. Say something like "wow, now I know what everyone means when they talk about you" or "wow, that is definitely a comment for HR to evaluate" - or "wow, does your boss know you talk like that?" or "wow, I'm glad my phone was recording that" - create some paranoia.

[NoName-qcms]

Never use the phrase "I apologize". even in the context you did not do anything wrong. They would twist to maje it look like you dud something wrong. Well, that is how it is at where I work.

[rarepaw]

Nope. Not apologizing. I can work with the rest. But, I only apologize when I have done something wrong.

[latatha]

I don't know if I can take it to PRIVATE when somebody is bullying me in public. NOPE, if you are insulting me in public, you are getting an answer in public. No more private talks with that person from then on.

[merncat]

I ALWAYS say.. "is there a reason you're speaking to me in that manner?" And this is great especially when dealing with extremely obnoxiously rude people including service representatives.. "I'm sorry is there a reason you're being so hostile towards me?"
There's always that pause and silence afterwards like they are taken back and suddenly don't know how to respond 😏😜

[MySPANGLES]

Started a new job, co-worker instantly rude and hostile towards me. Ignored him. He started bad-mouthing my performance to supervisors. They ignored him. Karma reared it's head. He then started shouting at me, telling me what I was doing wrong. Ignored him. He went ballistic and verbally threatened me. Ignored him. The little sap told me not to ignore him. I ignored him.

[tiana]

Make sure your eyes arent' wide open since that's a sign of psychosis lmaoooo he had me cracking up on that one