Why being yourself is ruining your life

[betterideas]

"When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves."
― Viktor E. Frankl

[StormSnake]

Changing "be yourself" to "find yourself" helped me out a lot. You're an ever evolving and changing person, keep searching for ways to improve & find happiness/fulfillment in your life.

[rolloxra]

It’s not about “being yourself” it’s about being the best version of yourself

[ajtaylor]

I've always interpreted "just be yourself" as simply doing what feels true to you and mostly following your intuition. It's helped me along the way as following that gut feeling that tells you if something seems right or wrong has led to me making the best choices for my life trajectory most of the time.

[mpiech]

„Be yourself” in today’s culture means „give up on trying to improve and do nothing” - not exactly a life motto I’d want to follow. Thank you for the quality content!

[efjayadi]

Society : "just be yourself"
Also Society : "no not like that"

[Azkabazz]

I've been on both ends of the spectrum:

1. The hedonistic treadmil where you just want more and more, growth wise as a person as well as materialistically. You end up never happy and somewhat fake never accepting yourself.

2. The fully self accepting "it's how I am" side of things which in turn becomes some what nihilistic and you don't push yourself anymore falling more into depression and as you said accepting toxic traits as normal.

As most things, the truth is balance. In the middle.
Truly going after things that naturally align with you where effort feels rewarding. Vs doing things because others expect it or striving towards something because your told it is 'better' or 'right' even though it doesn't feel serve you.

Struggle is normal but it's finding what is worth the struggle and being rewarded for it with growth that's truly for you and things you gravitate towards.

[Jokasitot]

I think this is a very subjective topic. For me, "being myself" means to stay true to my intuition, my needs, my feelings and my desires and not getting distracted and directed by the societal "self-optimisation-urge for being financially successful". I do get your point and I think its important for you to address this! But I guess this "be yourself" thing has a lot of different interpretations for many, some of which can actually be beneficial and good (:

[ryanfnm]

“Maybe the answer to life isn’t to just be yourself, maybe the answer is to love yourself enough, to become something more.”

[adamgarratt]

“Just be yourself” does have its merits. Socially, it helps you to understand and reaffirm your boundaries, have confidence in your interests, and avoid buying into useless advice. I was quite hard on myself for the last couple of years because my passions very much lie in writing and history but, being surrounded by voices telling me STEM subjects are infinitely better for employability and they’re more modern etc, I became a bit disheartened and pessimistic about my passions. I used “just being myself” to reassure myself that my passions weren’t stupid, nor were they worthless, and that as long as I put in the time and effort then I can make them the centre of my life and still be successful. That’s an example where that motto can be used productively, as having the confidence and determination to follow these passions fully is far better as opposed to wasting time in limbo and trying to push them away.
However, I must admit that in the majority of cases the motto proves to be stagnant and limiting, and that’s because of how people choose to use it. Rather than using it to reinforce the positive aspects of themselves, many people get it to justify the negatives instead. It provides an excuse for self-destructive or toxic behaviours, and keeps you firmly rooted in the poisonous comfort zone. The version of themselves that people pick when repeating that motto is usually the lowest hanging fruit, because it’s also the easiest to reach.

[derektrammell]

To me, someone that's struggled with social anxiety and a fear of rejection, I see "just be yourself" as something endearing to strive for. Basically, lay down your unhealthy defense mechanisms and be unafraid to express your genuine self. In other words, you SHOULD spite the idea that people would accept you for anything other than what is "you" - a collection of motivations, the positive desires you have, and your unique flare of personality. While I understand that some may see this saying as having negative connotations of settling, for me it's a rallying call to be confident and content in the idea that I can be my individualistic self, no matter what place or people.

[crvlad]

The sad truth about succeeding as an authentic person in this life:
"I was ashamed of myself when I realized life was a costume party; and I attended with my real face." - Franz Kafka

[maxwellli]

I feel like "just be yourself" means more to stop caring what ppl think of you and pursue your own ideal self on your own. It isn't to just delete all your goals and sit down on the couch all day, it's to stop worrying about what irrelevant ppl who you will never see again think of you in the moment.

For example in YouTubers, I've noticed to "be yourself" means to stop caring so much about forcing themselves to be family friendly and changing their content to fit the algorithm, and to focus on projects and experiences that truly interest themselves and that they can really put 110% into making.

[gaxrav]

don't be yourself, become yourself.

[valerieh]

Thank you for sharing this video. I’ve been struggling with grief today in regards to my fathers death that took place a year ago and I have felt pretty paralyzed since this event. However, it reminded me that I have grown, but that I need to keep moving forward regardless of how painful it can be. That I cannot become complacent or I will not grow.

[Gamayun.]

That's why I always say don't be yourself, choose yourself. Decide who you want to become and strive toward it

[technorazor]

Personally, my gripe with the phrase "just be yourself" is that it implies that I know what "myself" is, which I don't. So, counter-intuitively, in every social situation I find myself stressing over _trying_ to act the most like "myself", which is impossible due to the fact that I'm actively trying to be anything at all.

[hasantao]

For me, being yourself means to stay true ro your values and don't be a hypocrite. It means to be honest with yourself and don't lie to yourself about yourself. It is the fundamental step to development.
Also, in society today, it seems as if survival is all what we need. Maybe what we need more is to be content with what we have (i.e
being) instead of what we can become (i.e., becomming). I think this also helps to be more successful but also happier inside.

[hernangomez]

"love yourself enough to become something more". What a great idea! It is exactly for what I am passing through. Thanks!

[Dondlo]

Being yourself in your head kinda solves that problem (atleast for me), always chatting to my real self feels good, it doesn't feel abandoned and doesn't make me distracted.