My Coming Out Story + How I realized I was gay and not bisexual

Here's how I realized I was gay and not bisexual as well as how I first came out to my family and friends. If you're reading this, you are so loved and your story is valid❤️

Compulsory heterosexuality is really a thing, so if you'd like me to go deeper into that please comment!

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♪ Daily (Prod. by Lukrembo)

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[sappho-favourite-pupil]

The fact that i always thought, since a very young age that "women's bodiies are much more perfect than any men's body", and yet it took me actual representation to accept i liked women. Even at that point, when i started to be like "okay, i'm bi", the only person i came out to was my sister because i did not want her to be surprised if she saw me like kissing a girl. And then for a couple years i stopped thinking about it - meanwhile i fell in love with this girl, in a way that ofc i never felt for any guy. I think i always knew i did not actually like men, since i was a kid and used to "pick" my crush between the boys i knew and then change it once in a while. The actual struggle for me was to realise it was not real attraction, but more like a constant seek for approval and validation. I still struggle with that sometimes, because like you (and with "you" i mean "me") know you are in no way attracted to men, and yet society has been teaching you your whole life that you are supposed to like men and whatever you feel towards men it must be attraction, even if it's not.

[animegirl]

I am 36, just got divorced from my husband. And now I'm struggling with my identity. You answered so many of my questions. You are a beautiful human being thank you so much ♡

[AA-lqpu]

I thought that I was straight and that all woman would prefer to be with woman. For the obvious reason that they were just so much more attractive than men and they were soft. I projected my reality onto them and then later realized that they actually are attracted to men. Blew my mind.

[Signadaniela]

That would you rather story connected with me so much lol. I remember being in church and the pastor preaching about men loving men and thinking "Does anyone ACTUALLY like men?"

[dontreadthisplease]

I came out to my mother recently. She had a bad reaction and won't discuss it further at all beyond "Don't bring a girlfriend around your grandparents"

[smit]

I'm a 23 year old queer young man. My best advice to you and lgbt people is be your true authentic self and embrace who you are. Everyone deserves happiness. Be kind to people no matter who they are, because we're all human beings.♥️🏳️‍🌈

[PurplePixieEater]

I never really heard a coming out story quite like yours. It was unique and kind of funny and ribald in parts. Glad you were finally able to sort it all out. It will help others sort out their sexuality too I'm sure.

[jenniferdivine]

I really related to that last part about consuming lots of queer content (literally what I'm doing rn lmao).

Last year February I finally accepted that I'm attracted to women and came out to my friends and a few family members (parents not included) as bisexual. Since then I've had so many moments where I wondered if I'm a lesbian. But what was holding me back is this guy from my past that I thought I loved romantically. How could I be a lesbian if I'd loved a man before? Right?

Turns out I didn't love him the way I thought I did, and I am in fact a raging lesbian. About a week ago I was doing some reflection, and it's like everything suddenly just clicked into place. Then I watched The Handmaiden and YUP I'm gay. If you haven't watched that movie I'd recommend it. It's so gay and I finally understand the concept of having a favourite movie.

I completely get you panicking about marrying men. Just a few weeks ago when I still thought i was bisexual, I was telling my brother in law that if I ever get married to a man we'd have to have separate bedrooms. I literally said if I had to share a bed with a man everyday, one day I would just snap and start screaming at him. Lmao and I STILL thought I was attracted to men while saying that.

I'm still terrified to come out to my mother and just be OUT in general because I live in a very homophobic country where gay marriage is still illegal and such. Plus my mother randomly brings up her hatred for gay people, but I don't know if she'd feel differently when it's her own daughter. Part of me is scared I'll die alone if I don't get to move to a first world country. Also, I agree that you being scared to come out was valid. Sure you knew you'd be supported, but deviating from the norm in such a big way is still scary.

[valerianotval]

“This person doesn’t know how to play this game…” 😂😂😂 Good one.

[catvalentine]

That was so validating, thank you :) I've honestly been confused and back and forth for literally 4 years, oh my god! But I'm finally coming to terms with my reality.

[abbieamavi]

grew up Conservative Chrisitan, started deconstructing, thought I was asexual. Then figured I was Bi, now I don't know, don't care, but I'm dating a woman and my faith has grown more than ever. Thanks for making the video, and yes to doing things even if only you enjoy them - that's no small matter! Art is for you even before it's for others :) that being said, I like to let the baby gays know it's going to be ok, it really will be :)

[shelbycatcreates]

I’m questioning a lot of comp het things and the “cool dudes” bit you said has ALWAYS been my situation… thank you for sharing your POV.

[soniamorales]

I'm 27 with 2 kids 💔... I've always known but pushed it aside for so long but it eventually catches up to you ..

[mauvebelly]

I lol’d at the would you rather story, thank you for sharing.

[BrownEyes]

I'm so happy I found this video. It sounds so lame but it helped me understand different questions I've had since figuring out who I am. I know its late but congratulations on coming out, that's amazing! Hope to see more videos like this beautiful 🙂

[jadepersonally]

I just got out of a really abusive relationship a couple years ago. he was the first person I'd ever felt attraction too, seeing as we've been together since I was 14 and he was 17. 3 years later I moved in with him, and 5 years deep into the relationship, things were getting bad, I got back in touch with my family and escaped that hellhole. my parents sent me into therapy and I started noticing things about myself that I couldn't notice before, like how much I find the female body appealing, and that in fact, I've been repressing a lot of my attraction towards women in general. I thought back to all my times in highschool where I would be jealous of the cute lesbian couple, where I would be ashamed for lusting over a girl while I had a boyfriend. I realized I had a lot of internalized homophobia. then the pandemic hit. I lost my mom to the virus, and was falling into a really bad depressive state that I'd work so hard to come out of. so left home for a bit, just to get to know myself, and like you said, I did a lot of self reflection, trying to find out who I was before I got my life stolen. I wanted to know who I was, and I think I put a bit to much pressure on myself, because my depression got so much worse, it was the lowest I think I've ever fallen. but that only motivated me to pick myself back up, i found out so much about me in the past couple moths of 2023, I'm really good at painting and drawing, I really love singing, and I'm not to bad at it, music composition is a really fun pass time for me, and I'm a lesbian. its just like you said, the thought of marring a guy was terrifying for me, even the thought of ever being with another guy sent me spiraling, until I started thinking the same thing, but replacing a guy for a woman. then everything fell into line.
its been 7 months, I've moved back in with my dad and little sister, since I really have nowhere to go, and I'm still not out yet, my father is really religious, and totally doesn't believe in the whole LGBTQ thing, but I am out to the couple friends I have, thankfully they are all massively supportive, even my little sister, she's only 13 and she wrote me a long note on how I'm a great sister and that mom would love me even though I'm gay, just like she does.
its been 3 years since I've escaped that toxic relationship, my life still isn't perfect, but I'm just happy with what I've got right now, and its true, being your most authentic self is truly so freeing, I've never felt better after coming out to my friends, it was like a weight was being lifted off my shoulders, I've felt freer than I have in a long time.

[moonlightstargem]

I can’t get over it 😳😍😍😍 no one could ever get over you ❤i can tell! What a good heart you have. Your aura shines so bright ❤❤❤❤💗💗💗✨ now i wanna celebrate your birthday every day because i’m so happy you are here!

[angelinam]

I’m so happy to have stumbled upon your channel! I definitely resonate with your experience; came out as bi in 5th grade and have never doubted my attraction to women. I always knew there was a difference in the way I liked girls vs guys. Just recently learned about comp het and feel like I understand myself a lot better now. At 21 years old I now realize I’m actually super gay! 🌈✨

[illegallyliving]

This is really interesting video to watch, my case is quite opposite. I thought i was a lesbian but now, i realized I'm more of bisexual. I feel like I tend to be more attracted to feminine-presenting people, including guys althrough I'm a femme myself. Life is all about experiences and they help you to solidify your identity as you grow older. Deconstruction of stereotypes also plays a part in self-discovery. I remember having uncertainty because i was so feminine and i could be only attracted others who are feminine. I was afraid that i was weird for liking a feminine man not a masculine man. It also happened to me with myself and feminine women when i used to identify as a "lesbian." I thought i had to fit into stereotypes and be attracted to masculine women. It's crazy how norms affect us.

[lora]

doubt your gonna see this since this vid was from a while ago, but thank you so much for making this. i'm in high school and really recently had a similar realization moment that i'm definitely not straight, and dealing with that has been surprisingly hard. and i live in a very liberal town, have a ton of queer friends, and i know i have parents that will be supportive but it's still difficult to kinda rethink so many aspects of my life and identity. your video really helped me see that even if i am lucky is so many ways, accepting your identity is hard no matter what. it really makes me think about the people that don't have the support they deserve, and sending love to anyone that doesn't feel accepted. there are so many people out there that will give you the love you deserve💕