How Narcissists Hide Affairs From You

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Tune in to hear the perspective of a self aware narcissist. That’s me - Ben Taylor a narcissist in recovery trying to promote awareness, healing, growth and change. I do that by these videos on here, TikTok, Instagram and Facebook.

Platforms I am on:

[RawMotivations]

Thanks for watching today's video, if you have any topics or questions you want to be addressed feel free to drop a comment, will try my best to respond to all, also I'd like to invite you to our FREE Webinar here

[OneManJam]

A narcissist will make you feel like a roommate rather than their partner.

[momc]

You’re not crazy, the moment you suspect cheating… just know, it’s been happening all along.

[deavahughes]

Being with a narcissist is the most difficult challenge you'll ever have in your life

[HipHop-vgcd]

If this can help just one person, it's worth my time. It took me 30 years before I figured out my husband was a covert narcissist. He's incredibly intelligent, workaholic, and the world's best manipulator and liar. He wants the world to think he's the best husband that ever lived from the outside looking in! Generous with money too, bought me expensive gifts, he never cared about what I bought but then again I don't buy much bc I grew up poor and idc about material things unlike him who constantly wants the best of the best. He also spends a lot on his hobbies and likes to gamble too! He wants to come off looking a certain way to the world only bc it was about power and control for him but he did it in a way that you don't even realize he's doing it for years and years! I learned early on that if I didn't take an interest in his hobbies then we would rarely spend any time together. I had to watch his TV shows, he picked the movies, etc. At the same time, he can be charismatic, charming and funny so you don't think Narcissist, esp back in the 90's. Slowly over time, they train you to stop speaking up for yourself or your needs. They mimic your body language, facial expressions, experts at it. Predator vs prey for real bc they know your moods and mind better than you almost bc you'll always be in a fog from the trauma bond and stress of it all. They turn on the charm when you're down and if you're mood is okay, they ignore you. It's crazy making how they manipulate every situation!

I've learned that I'm a people pleaser too so I went along to get along, at least I was...but not anymore. He slowly took over paying all the bills. Eventually, I stopped working too which was a mistake even though we could afford it. Intimacy to him was only sex! If he was doing something nice, it was to get sex. You'll feel like you're having sex with a stranger eventually bc they just keep getting worse over time. No hugs, no cuddles, spending time together, they "work" more hours but yet...they expect you to wanna jump their bones, it's ridiculous. It's like we lived seperate lives. He had his work life which he kept completely seperate from me along with all his friends and employees there. I made excuses by saying he works so hard for his family when really he was living a seperate life. Also he was the boss and owner at work so he made everyone else do the majority of the work while he proclaimed he was doing it🙄

I had to fill my time with my family and friends seperate from him bc he refused to do anything with me UNLESS it brought him joy. I took vacations with family and friends while he refused to go except for the 1 or 2 trips we took a year. He might attend an Occasional family function from time to time. Also...Their phone is like a limb attached to their body btw bc they are cheating on the online apps, social media etc...BELIEVE that. Good at covering their tracks, erasing texts, stay logged out of apps, and so on. Over time, you eventually lose yourself and turn into someone you don't even recognize just to make the marriage work. You'll end up with depression and anxiety and start to isolate yourself if he hasn't already isolated you from everyone! Loneliest place in the world, even when he was home!!!! It's the worst thing I can possible describe to you, truly. Please leave as soon as you can and go no contact! We've had the same arguments for 30 years bc they try to blame everything on you, make you feel guilty for things you haven't even done. Moody AF, constantly walking on egg shells. No growth or self reflection either. He used money to make people believe he was a good person. Donated to charities, etc. Treated our dogs far better than he treated me, that's for sure bc he couldn't show emotion to people at all. He made sure others knew he donated to charities and helped others too!!! They live for the victim role, everything is everyone else's fault. What they do to people is a mind Fk, I wish I knew about covert Narcissists 30 years ago back before the internet and YouTube with all the knowledge right at your finger tips.

I finally got his password and busted him cheating online and of course it was bc I didn't give him enough sex, even though he's never home and he never chooses to spend any QT with me. He Ignored me mostly when he was at home too. Very hard to write down what they actually do to you, soul suckers for sure! He didn't like to be alone either so I was there at night plus I was his arm candy when needed, personal maid, cook and I took care of everything at home including his parents, etc...He even dodged his family whenever he could get out of it! I worked harder than he did, broke my back and body down for years for that man. Luckily I got proof of his infidelity before I confronted him bc I knew he would try to make me look crazy bc people can't understand it if they haven't lived it or seen it up close for years on end. Hope this helps 🙏🙏🙏

[suzannemaroney]

It gets to the point where you don’t even ask questions about anything, and that’s exactly where they want you obedient and quiet.

[learnteachlearn]

The most dangerous narcissist are the ones that look like victims and have mastered the art of being victims. They are extremely good at always seeming vulnerable but they are usually masterminds. Their gaslighting method is crying, always blaming their traumas for their lack of production. Watch out!

[plushie.fans.inc.toy-reviews.]

My ex was already in the process of leaving me when i discovered the cheating and when i confronted him you're right there was zero remorse.... lots of gaslighting...

[JessicaKelly-byfj]

It is such a terrible thing especially in the end when you realize everything because you want them so bad to be who they have been pretending to be and then the fact that it's not real and there's nothing you can do to fix it or change it it is a bad feeling

[lorihull]

I never experienced much peace in my marriage with a narcissist. I was always waiting for the next lie and I was loyal to my detriment. Peace is found on the other side of the relationship. For me that meant divorce.

[lucye]

The best way to heal is block them and never let them back in again

[dragonmom]

When questions and accusations are met with things like 'where's the proof? Where's the evidence? I didn't do anything wrong!' It doesnt prove innocence, it confirms guilt.

[leeboriack]

The narc experience is having your mind and reality hijacked and afterwards you are discarded and trying to find yourself in the dark trying to get home to yourself with no map and your compass tampered with. Brutal.

[staciesykes]

It literally puts you off relationships…. Trust yourself…. Fall in love with you… take yourself on a date…

[efthimios]

Lack of empathy huge sign they don’t care

[sparkle]

They just start fights.
That gives them a couple weeks. Then they start fights with the other person. Once they get you on schedule you're in for a bumpy ride.
Thank you for posting this. 📚

[flaco]

Some narcs get overwhelmed and start a fight. That's a red flag

[cindiraethayn]

I'm divorcing a covert. I finally told him at the end of the day, EVEN IF he had an instant epiphany, instant healing and realized it all, I STILL wouldn't trust him because I have too much history with him and his lies. Without trust, there is nothing.

[DanielWilder-mqnc]

It took me 14 years to catch my narcissistic wife. Of course, I didn’t know she was a narcissist back then. I didn’t even know what narcissism was. A part of me always knew that she wasn’t faithful to me. It was just that whenever I voiced my concerns or asked for some reassurance, there was hell to pay. She put me through a mental gauntlet of feigned outrage, moral indignation, gaslighting, and flipping reality on its head in order to make me the bad guy. She repeatedly set what little progress I had made in trying to have a good relationship with her, back to square one. She exploited my deepest desires—to have a good marriage and to keep our family together, by always keeping one foot out the door and threatening to leave. So, I learned to carefully pick my battles…. and worse. I learned to put the blinders on and to pretend that she wasn’t up to no good. I also learned to convince myself that I was the problem. And then one day, while she was at work, I decided to clean out the car. She had a nasty habit of treating the backseat like a dumpster. As I stuffed empty wrappers, bottles, and cups into a trash bag, I found an envelope with her name on it.

Thinking it might be important, I decided to look at its contents before I threw it away. It was a letter from some guy who was clearly in love with her. He expressed how he wanted more from her than their secret rendezvous. There was no mistaking what he meant. Even though my heart was crushed, I regained my power in the very next moment. I drove to where she worked, and I angrily approached her. Her eyes fell on the letter in my hand, and her shoulders slumped in silent defeat. She quietly said, “I can’t talk right now, but I’ll be home in an hour.” “Good!” I replied. “I’ll be waiting!” Then I turned on my heel and stormed out the door. Now that the cat was out of the bag, she admitted the entire affair—including all the places where they would meet up. As difficult as that was to hear, I stood by, ready to forgive her. I was well-practiced in starting over from square one, and I eagerly waited for the opportunity to roll up my sleeves and to get to work. But she played the wounded victim as convincingly as Amber Heard, and she asked me to wait for two days while she decided what she should do. Of course, I said yes.

Even though I had been married to her for 14 years, I still had no idea what I was dealing with. In the midst of that painful discussion, she was plotting her next move. It turned out that she needed two days to think because that’s when her boyfriend would return from his business trip. She wanted to be in a relationship with him, but when he refused to leave his wife for her, she decided to stay married to me. Of course, I didn’t know any of this at the time. I only knew that after two days, she decided to stay. Being the eternal optimist that I am, I saw this as an opportunity for a brand new start, and I convinced myself that we were finally going to have a good marriage. But she didn’t share my optimism, and it was obvious that her heart wasn’t in her decision to stay. We suffered together for another 2 weeks when she blamed me for her affair. That’s when I finally threw in the towel. We divorced on friendly terms, and we made all our own arrangements for custody and child support. We only needed a lawyer to draft and file the appropriate documents. The laws have changed since those days, and you can’t do that kind of stuff anymore. Anyway, during our many conversations to dissolve our marriage, she admitted lots of things that I didn’t know about—including the fact that she was never faithful to me. If I had understood narcissism back then, I would have handled things differently. I wouldn’t have put up with her mental abuse, and I would have left her years earlier.

[healthadvisor]

So what happens when you finally give your naive partner who wants to believe you, an STD? Do you have guilt then now that you've jeopardized her health? She may never feel she can move on because she has to much dignity to pass on the mess the narc has given her. Truthfully, cheating should be criminal. Narcissists put people's health at risk, and that ain't right.