Why do Some People Fail to Keep Their Promises

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Promise-breaking is so common that it’s become a bad habit for many people. But the truth is, almost everyone knows the feeling of having their hopes and expectations dashed by someone who can’t be bothered to keep their word. It doesn’t matter which part of life you think about — relationships, work, or daily activities such as keeping your home tidy — broken promises happen all too often. And nothing feels worse than being on the receiving end; you feel let down, let out, and in some cases even a bit betrayed.

What makes some people more likely to break their promises than others? In this article I’ll examine research into why many people consistently and habitually break their word, even in situations where there isn’t an obvious self-serving reason for the deception.

I’ll consider: Why it is so common to break promises; and how these broken promises can negatively affect our relationships with others.

The problem of broken promises

As mentioned, promise-breaking is extremely common, and most of us have been hurt when a loved one or close ally couldn’t be bothered to keep a promise. Some promise-breakers are just absent-minded individuals who don’t mean to let anyone down. But others are more calculated in their promise-breaking, and may have reasons to make promises they can’t keep.

The research on why people break promises has been very inconsistent. Some studies show that people tend to make a promise because they are unaware of the power of the word, and think it won’t actually be binding; others show that people tend to break their word because of perceived self-interest. For example, one study supports the idea that people will promise something when they are unaware of their obligation to someone else: "We all know that when we made promises we didn't literally mean every word... However, we cannot very well claim our peace of mind on this point because our fessing up is so rare. The knowledge that we tend to make promises without thinking about them very much may be the most damning piece of evidence that we are not all that clear on what the words ‘I promise’ actually mean."

Depending on which theory you believe, the idea of promising to do something might not seem as serious as it really is. On the other hand, there are those who argue that promise-breaking stems from a desire to get ahead in life, or to further our own self-interest. In this view, some people know quite well what they are promising; but they also have a good reason for not being able to deliver on their word.

The truth probably lies somewhere between these two extremes. Although there is evidence to support both the unaware and self-interested theories, there are also studies that show that most people are aware of the power of promises. So it seems likely that there are people who know full well what they want to promise, but they feel they don’t have any choice in making the promise.

Some clear ideas about promise-breaking

Studies have shown some very interesting ideas about the reason why people break their promises. Some researchers believe that a promise is broken because it wasn’t something we meant to promise at all. For example, one study of lay people and professionals clearly showed that most participants thought it was possible to promise something you never intended. Researchers concluded that it is quite common for people to feel pressured into making a promise they don’t want to make: "What is often casual conversation about what might happen in the future can often be transformed into a commitment by the speaker without the hearer’s full permission."

[bethfurry]

Some people make promises to shut people up. Motives are not always pure.

[LonjeMarie]

For people who have a habit of not keeping their promises learn to say let me think about it, or I will get back to you, or simply think before you promise someone something, because it makes people not trust you and it makes you look really really bad.

In my opinion a lot of people who do this aren’t bad people, they just need better coping tools, they want to seem nice and giving, and accommodating, but again the end result is not good when people don’t keep their promises.

Work with a therapist to get to the root of why, and heal if this is you, constantly constantly don’t keep your promises in order over come it.

[christhechilled]

nice video. People just don't have the time!