A Couple's Therapist On How Money Poisons Relationships

Chelsea sits down with couple's therapist Vanessa Marin and her husband, Xander, to talk about all things sex therapy, money in relationships, and being childfree.

This episode is for educational purposes only.

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[CaraMarie]

To quote Teresa, "cuando el hambre entra por la puerta el amor sale por la ventana (when hunger comes through the door, love goes out the window)". This has always been true and will always be true. The best partnerships I've seen always factor a key factor: good money. As it turns out, just like money can make people more open to change and compassionate, money also makes people more loving

[carolcyr]

I feel like the title of this video was like a bait and switch - promising to talk about money, but mostly just talking about sex. Which is OK, but I wanted to hear about how money poisons relationships, and this video didn't cover that.

[kellisimpkins]

On being child free: My take is similar to theirs in that I’ve said, “I don’t want kids until there’s nothing I want more.” In my demographic it’s assumed you’ll have kids, so my husband and I are definitely not the norm. I’ve thought about parenthood, but never had a deep desire for it.

[Blindfold-Me]

I grew up below the poverty line and refuse to ever have to live like that as an adult. Many of my partners never understood why I fixate on money the way I do

[FishareFriendsNotFood]

13:00 Yes anding this, it's a HUGE taboo for men to say to their partner "I'm afraid", but so, so, so many men are terrified almost all the time about not being able to make enough money to 'support' a family. If they could just say they have fear, and self doubt, I feel like there could be so much better communication and understanding.

[skylarkkralyks]

*fist bumps all the childfree by choice people* As the oldest AFAB child in a homeschooling family of five, there was absolutely nothing glamorous about the idea of parenthood. And so I haven't become one. When Glennon Doyle talks on her podcast We Can Do Hard Things about who she knows who embodies the "spirit of mothering" the most, she follows it up with a list of women, none of whom have procreated or adopted children. Then she interviewed Tracee Ellis Ross, which was just beautiful. Sometimes "giving birth" is too small a concept if it only refers to baby-making.

[lowwastehighmelanin]

Can confirm. Currently contemplating a (second) divorce because money and bad mental health is destroying my marriage and I feel like I'm the only one trying. If the other party doesn't even want to talk about it; you're screwed.

[albshel]

I think I would've appreciated this video more if the couple actually went into solutions for when a couple is having money problems, and it affects the relationship. Chelsea alluded to it in the intro, but never asked the guests a direct question about it.

[soothingrelaxationandmedit]

Wow, this is really awesome, not everyday one gets to stumble upon real gems like this.. thank you !

[imptiger]

Re: sex drive in terms of who initiates - it's interesting to remember that it's common for the higher sex drive person to be the default initiator. I have been in the habit of letting the initiation fall on the person with lesser sex drive (usually not me), as I dated asexual people most recently. That made more sense to us as it feels like I'm being an annoyance if I "ask" for sex of a partner who I know more often than not isn't in the mood.

[burdistan]

why don't you actually talk about how money breaks relationships. I've been watching a couple i don't know and am not particularly interested in talk about their decision to be childfree for half an hour. Which, good for them, but that's not what the title claims this video would be about.

[tryleraaron]

How are you guys coping with this inflation? Even with the downturn of economy and ever increasing life standards

[rcyfkti]

Thank you for recognizing the prevalence of abusive parents.

[zion]

At a very structural level patriarchy is a profound destructive force upon relationships. And while men benefit from it ostensibly, at the core it is damaging to men and women alike.

[milikoshki]

I would LOVE to see Ramit Sethi on here discussing this topic.

[racheljoy]

This episode was soooo good!! So many of the questions you discussed were things my partner and I have talked about regularly. More couples please! Hearing both perspectives like that was so refreshing.

[TheJadedJames]

I’m too poor to be in a relationship, and am at present, so busy correcting that I’m going to end up too busy and tired to be in a relationship.
My lonely ass probably watches stuff like this to take comfort in the fact that I’d fail at relationships anyway

[jampsonn]

I think it would be really important for TFC to cover the topic of adult loneliness, maybe even specfically for women. I keep hearing how men are always the ones who don't have friends and how it can affect their hetero relationships, but I'd like to counter that it can be flipped. I think a lot of women would feel embarrassed to admit that they don't have many or even any close friends and that they're only friend is their male partner - something that is frowned upon bc we're told to have our own hobbies, identities, and distance from our partners in order to make us feel more well rounded. Our culture frequently reiterates that women maintain more friendships and are more social, but if you don't have that in your life for whatever reason, it can feel very embarassing and isolating to think 1. You aren’t doing something right as a woman bc you don't have close female friends, and 2. That you look to your male partner for all of those things you're missing from platonic friendships.

Could be a really interesting topic and I'd be so curious to see if other adult woman can relate.

[jasminequezada]

Omg, I love Vanessa and Xander! I cannot believe I missed this episode when it came out.

[daverobinson]

As a man, I experienced a different situation from him and I don't know if the male viewpoint is captured in respect to traditional masculinity in support of femininity, I'd like to have the chance to speak with Chelsea about this, this is a awesome topic but I think it can still be expounded on in a balanced way to find more middle ground where people are more satisfied with these aspects of relationships.