Autistic Parenting Trauma - Autism & Parenting - Feat Yo Samdy Sam

Hi! I'm Orion Kelly and I'm Autistic. On this video I'm joined by special guest Yo Samdy Sam to explore the topic of #autism and #parenting. Plus, we share our personal lived experiences as #actuallyautistic parents. #orionkelly #asd #autismsigns #whatautismfeelslike #autismparents

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ABOUT ORION:
Orion Kelly is an #ActuallyAutistic vlogger (YouTuber), podcaster, radio host, actor, keynote speaker and Autistic advocate based in Australia. Orion is all about helping you increase your understanding, acceptance and appreciation of Autistic people.

#AutisticVoices #ActuallyAutistic #Autistic #Autism #OrionKelly #ThatAutisticGuy #ASD

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⛔️*Disclaimer: The videos contained on this channel are for general education and entertainment purposes only and do not constitute professional advice. For professional advice and training seek assistance from a qualified provider. All views are my own and do not represent those of my employers or sponsors. Some images used are stock images.*⛔️

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[KeenanDenis]

I always enjoy listening to Autistic parents, not Autism parents - there's a huge difference. Great video, thanks for posting!

[emmaleeshallenberger]

I am crying watching this because my 2nd baby had terrible reflux that lasted a VERY, VERY long time. We had no family or friend support and we were seriously sleep deprived for over a year. To hear it called "trauma" is so validating. This was about 4 years ago and I still don't feel recovered from it all. I wish we could have had mental health help back then.

[bryanmaeser]

That's amazing that you touched on an autistic parent not to want another child after the first one. Most ppl do not understand the thought I have on not wanting another child. I cherish every moment with my son but I see an understand his struggles an it makes me not want to bring another in this world that may not be able to care for themselves when my wife an I are gone. It truly became a fear of mine as a autistic father. Thankyou for talking about the hard things.

[StillWatersASMR]

I'm currently on a waiting list for an autism assessment and can so relate to what you're saying about parenting has traumatised me, not my child. I had a very "easy" baby who sleeps well, feeds well, doesn't cry too much but I've still found parenting so incredibly difficult that I've chosen to get sterilised rather than risk having another. I longed for a child for so long and it really took me by surprise just how hard I've found the whole experience. A lot of sensory overload but I've found antidepressants have helped with the sensory overload meltdowns that I was having while I wait for an assessment. Thank you for talking about this and taking the guilt out of the equation. Its OK to own if we find parenting hard. It doesn't mean we don't love our children any less. I adore my daughter and I'm so glad I had her. But I've definitely learned a lot about myself these past couple of years!!!

[MomontheSpectrum]

Great video by two wonderful people! Thanks for collaborating and exploring this topic together.

[buttercxpdraws]

I was seeing a psychologist who had been giving me EMDR for PTSD, when she realised that I was an undiagnosed autistic person. 2 years later - here I am, still learning who I am. Thanks for the help along the way ✌️💕😊

[sueannevangalen]

I wanted to be a parent ever since I was a young child, but I can remember, after I got married and the reality of being a mom came nearer, I was thinking, "I'm not going to know how to help my kids if it turns out they're like me." This was something that made a little ball of dread form in the pit of my stomach. I didn't even have the words to explain what that meant, I just knew that I'd struggled a lot in life, especially socially (also with school, and later, in the workplace), and I was feeling powerless to help my as-yet non-existent kids have a better time of it than I did. It is such a miracle to me that I can now put a name to my experience (autism), and to know that there is something I can do to help my kids and that is to get them diagnosed. I have three kids now. My boys are both diagnosed; my girl is too young to be diagnosed (19 months) but she's already missed some milestones and we're going to be taking her to a pediatrician to have a conversation about autism. It's possible my diagnosis will come at about the same time as hers (my assessment is happening early in the new year). Anyway, thanks Orion and Sam for being an important part of my journey.

[Lisa-xefd]

Thanks for a great video. I was diagnosed as Audhd after having both my children. My eldest was 9 and my youngest 5 when we finally figured it out. I adore my girls and couldn't imagine a world without them. They're amazing, funny, quirky, smart and loving girls. However, being a parent is incredibly challenging. I often feel that sense of being trapped and having reached my ability to cope, and it is awful. And the shame that goes along with it is debilitating. Mom guilt is the pits. I am blessed with an amazing husband who is so supportive and understanding. Without him I'd be in serious trouble. Thank you both for making me feel like I'm not alone in the world!

[Firebirdsever]

Thank you for this! Nobody understands what my wife and I go through, not even our own parents. They all say "sometimes kids cry and scream, it is normal." Hours of continuous blood curdling screamo-band type screaming from our 2 year old son is certainly not "normal." Thank you for showing me that other people go through it and understand.

[madisong]

THANKS so much for doing a parenting video!! I’m 35, always struggled severely with mental health but held it together until I had my child. I had a serious mental breakdown/burn out on another level around 6 months postpartum. My baby had e treme colic & screamed for 9 months straight 🤯It was so traumatic and confusing why I suddenly couldn’t sleep, couldn’t eat, I felt like I forgot how to be a human I was so overwhelmed and confused. I myself have a masters degree in counseling and mental health. I never considered myself to be on the spectrum until I recently underwent my own psych testing, and I’m autistic. It’s been so healing to realize all my struggles weren’t just bc I wasn’t good enough. As a ND undiagnosed with many NT friends I kept thinking if I just fixed this or that within myself I would be “normal” and now I’m happily not normal and excited to grow into my autism. I also have OCD. As a parent it’s a constant journey of burn out for me, and trying my best to be a great mom. My child is extremely extroverted and sanguine so she is completely opposite of me. Being an autistic parent is a struggle most people will never know but I’m glad to find this community. On a positive note, at least we will instill good morals into our children since we know right from wrong 🥲

[as_yet_unwritten]

I have never related to anything more than this video. Ever. This is the first time my experience has felt validated. Thank you guys so much.

[jenniferandrew]

EMDR is brilliant! Undiagnosed autism is partially what led to my alcoholism. EMDR and traditional therapy has been crucial to my recovery. Along with learning how to reorganize my life around the way my brain works.

[christinadonnelly]

Whoa! I never thought that my experiences raising children could be considered trauma but it's true. The sleep deprivation I had with my second child was devastating. She did not sleep through the night until she was 2 1/2 years old and she started to learn to read. She would scream like someone was hurting her whenever she was left alone. I was a shell of a human. During the day my son who was 2 years older would keep me very busy and I got no rest ever. We also had no family near by and I worked full time. Even at childcare my daughter refused to nap. They admitted they never saw anything like it. In the US it would be unthinkable that a hospital would even check on the parents if their infant wasn't doing well. My son had major surgery when he was 10 months old and no one asked me if I was ok at the hospital. I just thought it was normal to be so stressed out and barely coping. Now I realize that I am Autistic and probably both my children too..we could have used some help. It's just not available here.

[emmahammond]

This is revelatory for me; thank you both so much. I have had many mental health difficulties through my life. I had my son at 40, he was born screaming and screamed near continuously for the first four months of his life, we never got to the bottom of why despite consulting everyone available to us, and it literally brought me to my knees. I was definitely traumatised by this, but was always told with a shrug "This is just what babies do." He would scream from 4pm until 1 or 2 am and my husband and I were broken. I now know that this is not 'normal'. Cut to five years later and he has been diagnosed with autism and just recently, so was I, at the age of 46. "The Village" that it takes to raise a child often no longer exists, it certainly doesn't for us. Now I am dealing with my own trauma aswell as re-framing my whole life - and my son's - through the filter of knowing we are autistic. Thank you again for your valuable content it is helping me so much.

[nettie]

Thank you for making this. I think you could make many more on the same theme. I'd really like to watch those conversations.

I had EMDR for fear of flying, I was my sister in laws Guinea pig when she trained as a therapist. So an adult lifetime of absolute fear of aeroplanes to an hours EMDR to home and booked flights to Spain. It's amazing, like you say you can feel it being processed.

I could write so many comments here, I think ASC and parenting would make a great series. Thank you.

[tmusa]

I went to a therapist who was asked to get certified in this type of therapy and he was VERY skeptical. He went to a 2-3-day training and they all practiced on each other and to his shock HIS OWN traumatic experience was relieved! (He witnessed a boy he knew get struck by lightning and did CPR, etc.) He is an absolute believer and this reminds me to give it a try for a couple of experiences I’ve had.

[Nikki-xdyh]

I relate so much to every autistic video you post and Mom on the Spectrum plus others.
There are so many things that I relate to myself and see in my children.
I'm so confused and maybe someone can help clear up my confusion. (USA)
I typically write novels but I'll keep this to the point of why I'm reaching out.
At 35yrs old, I realized I was an undiagnosed autistic adult. My mental health has been declining so much since having children and I couldn't make sense of it all until I discovered the truth about ASD level 1. Autism made my life make sense and it really inspired me being able to understand myself and my children. But it is me against the world and everyone dismissing me. I completed over 4hrs of cognitive testing to figure out my brain functioning and processing. I was in shock by my results....
Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder
Generalized Anxiety Disorder
Bipolar 2 Disorder- Most Recent Depressive
Obsessive Compulsive Disorder - Unspecified
Borderline Personality Disorder
Learning Disability- Dyslexia (Reading)
Somatic Symptom Disorder
(I was undiagnosed with ADHD)
A lot of the cPTSD symptoms overlap with Autism. Is it possible that I may still be autistic but the cPTSD is overshadowing it? Have you ever been diagnosed with any of these? I did extensive research. A lot of autistic people are misdiagnosed with mood and personality disorders. He knew I was suspicious about Autism but he said he doesn't think I am autistic bc my cognitive stuff is really clean. He says autism is a reciprocity disorder and the sensory stuff could be a symptom of other things. He says when I am calm I have great interaction skills but if my anxiety increases all hell breaks loose. He says my skills are better than I think, I just second guess myself a lot. He says neurocognitively and neurodevelopmentally I am within all the normal ranges or better. My attention and visual assessment is in the top 10% The reasons I am not autistic is sort of contradicting to what I have researched. What about unknowingly becoming a master at wearing my masks. Autistic people are known for their visual differences. I have a learning disability which is common. I just want to be sure by asking another late diagnosed adult based on their knowledge and experiences living with autism especially as a parent. I want to be sure that I have all the facts to reassure myself that I'm not autistic. Can someone help me?
My treatment plan is SSRI with mood stabilizer plus Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) Therapy 8-10 weeks
2. Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)

[TheKjoy]

My mom has a very real understanding of what it means to have a baby that never stops crying and it wasn't me. My older brother is ADHD and has sensory processing disorder as part of that. He spent an enormous amount of time during his first year crying. He had to be held constantly, my mom couldn't even go to the bathroom or take a shower by herself. When he was a little older, 6 months old or so, people would do that whole toss him up in the air and catch him thing and he would scream in terror the whole time and then they would get upset that he didn't like it.
When he was born, it was a difficult labor and delivery, he was blue-black and paralyzed on the left side. They had his right arm taped to his body for 6 weeks to force him to use his left side. My mom didn't get to see my brother during the first 12 hours and his cry went from your typical newborn cry to an angry nails down a chalkboard cry by the time she got him back.
During his early years, pre-diagnosis of ADHD, so many people blamed my parents especially my mom for my brother's struggles. They told my mom that she wasn't strict enough, that she was too strict, that she was spoiling him, and that she should adopt him out. The best thing that my grandfather has ever told my mom was that you can't spoil a baby. The whole give him up for adoption comment was made after they had already had me, but I was the easy baby. I didn't start getting difficult until I turned 3 years old. I'm autistic, I have major sensory processing issues, and I am semi-mute (it isn't just selective mutism). But 35 plus years ago, I was just shy, quiet, clumsy, and too sensitive according to the doctors. To this day I still have a lot of support needs which primarily fall on my mom and my brother. As far as we can tell, my mom is neurotypical, but we have a lot of non-neurotypical people in our extended family including several on the autism spectrum in the next generation. My dad was diagnosed with ADD when my brother was diagnosed with ADHD, which was in addition to his preexisting diagnosis of dyslexia he received as a kid. I find it kind of funny that a man who was dyslexic managed to have a daughter who is hyperlexic, but once my mom and brother got started reading their reading levels usually outrank their peers. I started reading at 3 years old.

[melissapaultre]

I am so grateful for this video. I never thought of parental trauma as a thing after all, I chose to be a mom, so I asked for it right?
This video has helped me see my experience with my kids a little differently and it is important for all those parents out there with high-needs babies that so often feel unheard and misunderstood.
Thank you so much for this important conversation.

[danielaruhl]

When you click like before even starting the video cause you just know it‘ll be good stuff … 😂 Thank you 2 so much for sharing your experiences, helps me processing my own parenting. I am quite sure there is ASD, ADD, and CPTSD to be diagnosed in my daughter and me. Sadly enough the German Health Care System seems to be stuck in the 1950s and don’t have a clue (just my opinion).