WHY Can't I STOP Ruminating About Narcissistic Relationships?

For those that don't know me my name is Michele Lee Nieves, I'm a survivor myself of narcissistic abuse, I'm now a trauma informed coach and a somatic experiencing practitioner - I'm also the founder of the School of Transformation - where I meet LIVE on ZOOM w/ survivors and we do the inner healing work together:

In order to understand how narcissistic abuse and rumination go hand in hand we have to learn about the brain. For me one of the positive take aways that comes with doing the deep inner work to heal after narcissistic relationships is that I learned so much about myself - my brain, my nervous system, my belief system, reactions, etc.

Our brain is organized to act and feel before we think - if you'v ever slammed on your brakes before you realized you almost hit something - that's evidence of that. What does this have to do with narcissistic abuse - find out in this video how the dysregulation of the brain takes place and how it keeps your mind spinning in circles AND how you can break out of that rumination.

#rumination #narcissism #narcissisticrelationship #emotionaltrauma #toxicrelationship #narcissisticabuseawareness #narcissisticfamily #covertnarcissist

[Helena-twpj]

Its like having a broken record in my head that repeat the thought over and over again. I learned to be mindfull when I taken a bubbelbath or walking in the woods. Nature is calming.

[DeannaRose.]

Thank the Lord for never leaving you ❤️🙏🏽❤️ Thank the Lord for breaking free & ask him to create a new work in you ❤️

[DeliaNord-Whitley]

This was without a doubt the most informative video I’ve ever seen. Now I understand why. I can change from hating myself to acceptance and healing. My narcissist of 10 years said he would have to kill himself to get away from me and it would be my fault, and that’s exactly what he did. The guilt is unbelievable. If the relationship wasn’t bad enough, he also left me to deal with his death and that was my fault too. Thank you for your videos. You have given me hope that I can heal.

[ctgeorgia]

Wife of 4 yrs...
I really didn't know what a narcissist was until watching your videos. I think that's what my wife is. She threatens to leave approximately two to three times per month. When she tells me she's leaving, I scramble, panic and try to convince her to stay but during that time I'm trying to convince her to stay she gives me the complete silent treatment. It's as if I don't even exist in my own home. We sleep in the same bed together and she immediately turns her back to me. This usually goes on for days until I can convince her to stay. I'm so tired and weary. Some days I really feel like I'm going to have a heart attack because I never know what day this is going to happen again. It's always out of the blue and when I ask what is the matter she says, "nothing". I'm left trying to figure out what the heck happened.

[Linda-wvck]

This was the best explanation I’ve have heard and tools to use to stop ruminating! Talking and talk therapy only makes the grooves deeper and a pit hard to get out of once and for all!

[smb]

Wow this is the best explanation I’ve ever heard thank you. Now I feel I can heal

[p.patrickcamba]

Thank you Michelle, this was an excellent explanation and useful techniques. The two emotional vehicles I use to escape rumination are joy and "gratitude". Always something to be grateful for.

[lilithjesus]

Beautiful, very helpful. I resonated with all of this. My parents and family were like "high functioning" narcissists, as well as all but one of the romantic relationships I had. I got away from everyone except my two younger siblings, so it's mild but due to the overwhelming narc abuse for decades, the full ptsd rumination response can come on from "lesser" narc behavior. This happened tonight and at 3:13am with insomnia, the rumination was so intense I had to keep rewinding your informative pertinent video so I could be present and hear the information. I made it through to the end and muchly appreciate the methods of healing❣️ 🙏 many thanks and much love 💜

[sanimal.social]

I complete agree. The shock is huge. I'm a woman that is capable of having good relationships with family, friends and co-workers, and yet I fell for the my ex's victim story and trying to help, support and "save" him, because I wanted to give those things to him, that I didn't get in my own upbringing. I can only see the extent of the abuse now that I'm out of it. I can understand how it happened, because it happened so slowly and the increase in the abuse was very gradual, that I couldn't see it was happening, until it became so extreme that it shook me out of the trance and I could see it was all wrong.

[marki]

I've only recently started this healing journey and feel like I'm in the thick of it as we speak. This was so so helpful to me and described me to a T. Learning to break out of my circumstances and my head is a huge challenge. Thank you.

[terrydyer]

WOW, this is one of the best videos explaining a narcissist. This is just a part of my long nightmare. My husband and I were mentally and verbally abused by our evil narcissistic demon of an adult daughter, For years. It got so bad that the stress cause an emotional breakdown for my husband, One day he started crying uncontrollably with him gasping for air ( this is a guy that never cried because of his upbringing of men don't cry ) He was asking what he did wrong on raising her to be so evil then he collapsed and took his last breath 4 years and 8 months ago. She always had anger issues since she was a teen, but we chopped it up as just being a teen and hormons since she seemed to be a very well-rounded person overall. We noticed the changes in her as she got older and thought she was bipolar. But it was too late for us to get her help because she was over 18. She wouldn't amit that she has mental problems and get help. By the time I learned about narcissism, it was too late. The trauma damage was already done. In those horrible years of walking on eggshells, she had us under her control because she was kicked out of her ex-husband's home for stepping out on him and the trauma she caused. She ended back with us because she was homeless and 3 months pregnant with another's man child. So, of course, we took her in. She was lying from the start, telling us her marriage failed because he was abusing her physically. I know different now. We tried to help her, going through her pregnancy and the birth, then she couldn't handle being a mother. She wouldn't do what a mother should do and we ended up raising our grandson until he was 6 years old.
She hunted down for a new supply because my husband became disabled and we couldn't give her a free ride anymore. We asked her to start paying her own way because if she didn't we would end up homeless. That pissed her off, and she really got bad. She finally found a nieve 24 year old guy, 6 years younger than her, Within 3 months, she manipulated and lied to him and they moved in together. Then she trapped him by getting pregnant. My husband I ended up homeless with her stalking us and still messing with our heads using our grandson against us. Then my husband died. She destroyed me beyond repair. I have been abandoned by everyone, ... She made sure of that with her lies.. I went no contact but it is slowly killing me from the inside out. I can't have a relationship with my grandson. I can't function anymore. I'm the one who is at fault somehow. And you know what.. I'm starting to believe I must be. I'm just a failure and a lost cause.. I can not heal . It hurts so much. I'm so tired of trying. I just want to die.

[victoriavitoroulis]

I only ruminate w toxic ppl bc they never give closure

[andriyandriychuk]

After therapy, and 4 year no talking to my father, I had a talk with him. And I realized it all. That was all that I needed to know. He was a narcissist. All along. So no contact is the only good choice.

[leilagomulka]

Yes. Incredible insight. But the post pain is when the writing campaign to all my close friends is portrayed by “ genuine concern” for me … for my addictions, whatever. A benign humiliating of me with half truths, fake concern but so convincing even when I saw one of these “ letters” I myself could have been convinced. And it was about me 🙃

[MarleyLeMar]

Such good content, Michele. This takes much practice over time, so thank you for your caring accompaniment.

[anjachan]

Im sure narcissists in your life were/are jealous of your beauty in- and outside! you seem to be a very kind person.

[othmanaitmaatallah]

This is the best explanation of the rumination "while loop". Amazing!
The type of rumination you are describing seems to be of a normal person (with normal life) that got abused by a narcissistic companion. Such a person can try your tips of retraining the body for joy and awe. But how about when the body itself does not have a reference for joy (like a person who is born in a narcissistic family)?

[hazelmarieb]

After several months of therapy I'm able to look back and be like "wait why do I miss the person who literally gave me back so little I am legit getting more social fulfillment from meeting entirely new people just out and about living my life? Maybe it's time to move on and meet new people then."

Then if I get love bombed it goes more like:
"Omg I really like you! You're so awesome and kind and cultured..."
"Woah... You met me like 15 mins ago. Like I am awesome but how do you know I don't hit puppies for fun and drink Dr. Pepper with vodka until I pass out on my living room floor with my cat while gossip girl runs on auto play all night because I guarantee you one of those things about me is true."

[RaymondWatson-iwgn]

Hi my name is Raymond Watson and I would like be joined to this group to become a part of this class.

[purplebutterfly]

He Michele I have purchased a couple of your programs but I cant seem to access them anymore so was wondering if the programs have changed platforms by anychance?