Working with Feelings of Defectiveness and Shame – with Ron Siegel, PsyD

Shame is one of the most universal human emotions we experience. It can also be one of the most painful.

And when feelings of shame become chronic, some clients start to believe that they are somehow defective or flawed – sometimes beyond repair.

So in the video below, Ron Siegel, PsyD, shares a few strategies to help ease feelings of shame and begin to shift clients away from feelings of defectiveness.

Now we’d like to hear from you. How do you help clients address feelings of shame and defectiveness? Let us know in the comments below.

[DrJulieHitchens]

I experienced feeling shame after a being bullied by hate group. Harassment was extreme and attack went on for years. In silent I endure feeling no one would understand. This is great information. Thank you for sharing

[ovidiudrobota]

My biggest struggle was related to toxic shame, which was somehow an internal battle. I was toxically shamed since early childhood. Unfortunately, I developed a shame-based identity that was operating within me 24/7. I was painfully self-conscious whenever I talked to people. If I wanted to laugh, I felt ashamed. When eating in public, I felt ashamed. When making eye contact, I felt ashamed. When walking in public, I felt ashamed. Whatever I was doing in the eyes of others, I felt ashamed. I was basically shamed at my core. That toxic shame was a defensive mechanism? I don't know — yet. But it was plaguing my soul because I felt like I didn't exist psychologically. There is a difference between regular shame and toxic shame. The toxic one is excruciatingly painful. Moreover, you can't make eye contact without feeling awkward; that makes people feel uncomfortable around you.

[parisaforpeace]

And it also helps from my experience to externalise the shame and accept it as part of our story without dwelling on it. Resisting or trying to change thoughts and feelings of shame is not always helpful certainly in chronic cases such as complex trauma.

[NatalieVasilyev]

This has been very helpful. Thank you!

[second]

this is me due to having ocd nearly all my life up until very recently, it makes me seem unfit for this world and makes me not want to do anything... plus my brain still hasnt fully recovered from it all so anxiety still creeps up on me over little things so that makes moving forward even harder.

[joyjones]

I am not alone in this. #cepv #IMustWin

[terryandersen]

Does NICABM address the extreme startle response from unexpected subtle noises in any of their videos?