Reasons Narcissistic and Toxic Parents Don’t Love Their Children

🆓 Join My FREE Training: Build the Real Self You Were Never Allowed to Have

Over my 45 years of practice, I’ve worked with countless clients who’ve felt trapped in a cycle of seeking love and approval from narcissistic, toxic, or neglectful parents.

They came to me burdened by guilt, shame, and confusion, wondering why the parent-child bond they longed for was filled with manipulation, control, and conditional affection instead of love and trust.

If you’ve grown up with narcissistic parents or experienced narcissistic abuse, you know this struggle all too well.

The bond that should have nurtured you often becomes a source of pain.

But here’s the truth: their inability to love is not your fault.

It stems from their own insecurities, emotional wounds, and intergenerational trauma.

In this video, I’ll help you understand:

✅ Why It’s Not Your Fault: Their behavior comes from their emotional wounds—not your worth.

✅ The Tactics Narcissistic Parents Use: Favoritism, conditional love, sabotaging your individuality, and prioritizing appearances over real emotional connection.

✅ How to Heal from Toxic Parents: Let go of seeking their approval, embrace self-differentiation, and give yourself the love they couldn’t provide.

Healing doesn’t mean excusing their behavior; it means reclaiming your life. Whether you’ve dealt with toxic family dynamics, neglectful parenting, or narcissistic abuse, it’s time to focus on YOU—not their expectations, not their manipulation, but your self-worth and happiness.

This is your chance to take back control, break free from harmful family patterns, and start the journey toward emotional freedom.

Here’s How I Can Help You Heal:

🆓 FREE TRAINING: Build the Real Self You Were Never Allowed to Have

🔥 THE ROAD TO SELF PROGRAM: Join 10,000+ People Who Have Transformed Their Lives

🔥 PERSONALIZED SELF-DIFFERENTIATION COACHING FOR INDIVIDUALS AND COUPLES: Let’s Work Together to Heal and Transform Your Life

More Resources to Help You Heal:

Stay Connected:

Instagram: @jerrytwise
Facebook: @jerrytwise
Twitter: @jerrytwise

About Jerry Wise:

I’m Jerry Wise, a family systems coach with over 45 years of experience helping individuals break free from toxic family dynamics. My approach to self-differentiation empowers you to let go of the guilt, shame, and emotional entanglements that have held you back. If you’re ready to heal, I’m here to guide you every step of the way.

DISCLAIMER:

This video is not a substitute for professional counseling. Always consult a licensed professional for personalized support.

[jerrywise]

Finally get your family OUT OF YOU & be the true self you were never allowed to be 👇

[corporaterobotslave]

They never learned to love themselves; therefore, they have no love in their tank. Empty. Which is why they have to prey on your emotions: get a toxic reaction from you, to feel something.

[jpk]

Envy of the child's potential. Projects insecurities onto their children. With parents like these...

[ReeseFlynnmmun]

One of the most heart breaking things to realize after 45 years I'm 57 now, is raising your children the best thing I've ever done in my life, is that my own mother hated my guts, the best day of my life was when she passed away 6 years ago, I had already went no contact with all her family and my siblings years before that, but as soon as she passed I was free all the toxic crap just stopped, all though it's hard I try to remember the few good things about her, very few things.

[quantumnature]

It's huge that you say that they criticize their children for traits that they dislike in themselves, undermining their self-esteem! Aha moment! I'm getting it, in little bits and pieces. ❤
Oh, my goodness! Sabotaging my growth out of jealousy! Yes, that too!

[ladyinwaiting]

Focusing on the family image rings all too true. When I told my mother that her father made me uncomfortable with the way he touched me, she went into a meltdown begging me to not say anything to anyone. It would be embarrassing and hurt his feelings. Years later I learned that there was generational SA with the men on my grandfather's side of the family.

[amyrussell]

My parents didn't show affection period. And bragged that I wasn't spoiled since I was the baby of the family. I'll leave it at that.

[CkretSkwerl]

That is EXACTLY the environment I grew up in with a narcissistic mother

[bridgettetraveler]

Wow! U really knew my fam! No one wanted me to obtain independence. I'm the youngest & most of my family wanted me stuck & dependent on them. Once I moved out of my parents house I felt like id rather sleep on thr yellow lines in the street than to spend another night in that house!!!

[persasrho]

My (40 years older) mother got jealous of the fact that I went to college, so turned it into a competition. She'd take the same classes I took and berate the instructor if they'd given me a good grade. And that was just one thing out of many she pulled on me. I had no idea what was going on until I was 50 something, and couldn't get away from her or the toxic siblings (I tried many times) b/c I was chronically ill. I'm certain that was the result of dealing with them.

[francine]

I did a lot of Shadow Work and dissociated myself from my Narcissistic mother. It took me years of Shadow Work. You are so right! Blessings! ❤

[DHW]

Amazing insight, Jerry. Thank you.

At 46, I walked away from our mother and christened her "Miss Information, the Queen of Envy". Everything I said or did was misconstrued and used against me, every failure, every triumph, every opportunity. She was the most envious, most difficult person I've ever encountered.

I'm so thankful for the blessing my wife has been the 30 years we've been together, a truly warm, unselfish, compassionate, loving woman.

[Aoife]

Thank you from the scapegoat of my family. This really helps.

[arooraccoon]

My mom has an image of me in her head that she will believe over anything I do or say and she will lash out when I don't line up with that image. I believe she "loves" that imaginary person she made up in her head but that is actually just her loving herself, the real me is someone she is incapable of knowing or loving.

[drsarita-questioneverythin]

If I excelled at something often my mother would often feel sad …instead of being happy with me she competed with me …it has taken me decades to realize that how she sees me is not an accurate reflection of who I was as a child and who I am now — I have given up trying to earn their love as it is never going to happen…but still devastating and tough wound ..I don’t want to pass along this dysfunction and can only do my own work

[misterwait]

#6, envy, not jealousy. Jealous means guarding what is yours, while envy means wanting what is anothers.

[jaclynmarie]

My husband’s parents want to reconcile after 2 years of peaceful no contact. The relationship was not being accepted for being ourselves, judging and disapproving of us. We weren’t good enough. Pitting husband against wife and going between the kids and me as their Mum, lying. It nearly would’ve led to me leaving my husband, until he took it seriously and watched your videos! He agrees he would not want them treating our kids how they treated us.

I haven’t healed yet. Nor do I want to be close with ppl who are willing to treat us this way

[LouiseHannas]

That thing you say about self love if you don’t have a self is so true. It struck me that I don’t have a self after growing up with narcissistic parents.

[patriciahernandez]

Thanks Jerry I really needed this today. I was the scapegoat in the family and went no contact with my entire family almost three years ago for my sanity, the sake of my marriage and to protect my 4 children from toxicity. I was feeling down today and this made my feel back on track. I wish I had a relative like you. Your videos help more than you know.❤

[AlexanderBaar-zppx]

My parents "say" they love me all the time. But show favoritism to everyone else in the family.