BPD and Shame, Fear, Doubt, and Self-Hate

BPD and Shame Fear Doubt and Self-Hate

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In this video we're going to discuss Shutting Down Shame. Shame is something many of us feel that's the result of doing or saying something we feel we shouldn't have. However, over time shaming, particularly self-shaming, can become habitual. When this occurs it eats away at your self-concept and your ability to recognize the good in yourself and others. It also leads to secondary thinking, which is the second guessing and "woulda, shoulda, coulda" after an event or interaction. This video is going to help you recognize your shame for what it is and then how to shut it down so you can grow and live a fuller life.

Daniel J. Fox, Ph.D., is a licensed psychologist in Texas, international speaker, and a multi-award winning author. He has been specializing in the treatment and assessment of individuals with personality disorders for over 15 years in the state and federal prison system, universities, and in private practice. His specialty areas include personality disorders, ethics, burnout prevention, and emotional intelligence.

He has published several articles in these areas and is the author of:

Thank you for your attention and I hope you enjoy my videos and find them helpful and subscribe. I always welcome topic suggestions and comments.

[jspider]

"You'll never make anyone feel bad enough to do good things." Very powerful. Hard to change that belief though, since I was raised by shame-based parenting.

[jaybee]

I didn’t even realize what I was feeling was shame. It had manifested into self hatred and pity and its like a black hole eating away at my personality

[lisamarie]

I was just explaining to my partner that it feels like the angel and devil on my shoulders all the time. And when I'm left alone for too long, the devil usually wins.

[onebeingeverybody]

This 9 minutes 40 seconds, has more value to me, than I could put into words.

[athenaspelios]

My son is BPD. Affirmations are so crucial. He hates when I even compliment him. He can’t take it. And shame and self doubt are so overpowering for him.
Thank you! I can listen to your videos all day! So informative and helpful as a parent.

[DD-jmug]

My favourite person 😂❤☝
It is actually like he has it himself, the depth of his understanding is phenomenal. Thank you 💛

[alwayslivecreatively]

I just found your channel. I sit and listen to you and cry. Seems like the therapist I have seen really don't like me. I've been in DBT groups and it really doesn't help. Thank you so much for doing this for us

[jennifermaxine]

AS a borderline, I get into relationships with narcissists that control me sexually or emotionally...then I self doubt & take the blame & get angry because I betrayed myself actually via gaslighting. I feel normal around non abusive people. I feel like myself. It's only when I'm exposed to emotional abuse that I feel the need to hide. Because psychological abuse is subtle, we need to make sure what's real & what is just abuse. That is an important distinction to make when dealing with ppl that are victims of narcissistic abuse.

[stefss]

I’m not sure if guilt and shame is my main problems tho, for me, it’s that rage explosion from 0-100 within seconds once I’m triggered. Like getting hit by an asteroid, and all I can think about is wanting to cause damage and destroy everything

[hyperchord]

Two things. People at large think shame is the answer. They think that if you make people feel bad, that they will change the behavior. Its exhausting. I'm learning that there are more people like my abusive parents than not and it makes for a terrifying world. Two, I make the same mistakes as the people who hurt me. So I make the mental conclusion that if I shame myself, I'm somehow hurting them. I know its a delusion. But that pain was real. Thanks for making your videos!

[mystrose]

This video helped me a lot, thank you so much. I also showed it to a 17yr old who has been self harming himself (and several "attempts") for awhile now. He believed he had to punish himself and was absolutely horrible to his body and mind. He has been 15 days without self harm and his whole outlook (so far) has changed to a more positive one. He doesn't have BPD, but I knew he needed to hear Dr Foz say, "You're never going to make anyone (including yourself) feel bad enough to do good things" This rocked him to his core and he said, "I watched the video and I didn’t realize what it (SH) was doing to me." So, thank you Dr. Fox because not only have you helped me tremendously with this channel, but you've saved a 17yr old boy who used to hate himself.

[AtlanticManic]

Just received your workbook. Thank you so much for your skilled, caring, respectful, non-stigmatizing, therapeutic approach.
So grateful for the guidance you provide, in both your videos, and, through this fantastic workbook.
The information & insight you provide, is invaluable. I’m turning 47 in May, and have made much progress on my own, over the past 6 years or so. It feels as though I have “walked out of a fog”. I don’t know if I am one of those people who “ages out” of the extreme features/characteristic behaviours of BPD...or, if I have “burn-out” from the rollercoaster that has been my life, but, I know that despite experiencing an overall improvement, I still have some lingering issues that remind me I still have work to do.
Your videos and workbook came into my life at the perfect time, because perhaps I am better able to take in the information, and, have the clarity and motivation to put these skills into practice.
Much appreciation from Nova Scotia, Canada. 💐

[GraycatLobos]

Thank you for this video! I woke up in the middle of the night and turned on the computer, went on YouTube, and got the suggestion to watch the video you posted recently, "Defeat your inner demons...", and it was just what I needed to hear at this time. I'm diagnosed with BPD, and even if after years of treatment some things got much better, some other inner struggles seem to be persistent, and sometimes I wonder if I'll ever defeat them and feel hopeless and like giving up. But you reminded me that hopelessness is my mental health condition talking, that it doesn't have to be that way, and that even if I keep falling, I have to push back and try again until it becomes habitual. That video led me to this one, and it was eye opening. I always feel as if feeling bad enough about a behavior will make me stop it someday, and now that it has been confirmed to me by a professional who has studied the human mind, that it doesn't work like that, it brings me hope. Thanks again!

[cynguerrero]

Our daughter's exboyfriend I believe has Borderline PD.
His has a long journey ahead of him but our family is here to support him 110%. The first step is getting him to talk to a therapist. I am also committed to learning all I can on helping him & to set limits as a "Mom support".
Thank you so much!!🌻

[albywhitelady]

I will never be grateful enough for these videos that you release.

[user]

Thank you dr. Fox. You are doing incredible work with these videos for people like myself.

[mrsg]

It's the 1st time that I actually find a video with concrete exercises and ways to address the issues. Thank you very much for your generosity!

[gwenwatson]

Shame and guilt was how I was raised. All it did was make me more rebellious. This video is amazing. Very powerful and helpful. If only I had found Dr. Fox 20-30 years ago.

[slim]

What about shame AND guilt. At 5 or 6 I would see the caring nature of kind teachers. At home I would report on these characteristics and say how much I liked those teachers. My narcissistic mother, obviously hurt, would tease me regularly about this, I was often accused of being in Love. I grew to believe that it was shameful to see the good in people and guilty about making my mother so jealous and angry. It has only been by listening to Dr Fox, and others, that I have become able to see what parts we were playing in this and how I became such a distorted person. Thank you Dr Fox.

[pumpkyspice]

Another video that makes me think you know me better then I know myself. Love your work, thank you so much!