How To Stop Self-Shaming and Overcome Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)

Complex Borderline Personality Disorder: How Coexisting Conditions Affect Your BPD and How You Can Gain Emotional Balance. Available at:

In this video, we're going to talk about how to stop self-shaming and overcome borderline personality disorder (BPD). Self-shaming is one of the most common symptoms of borderline personality disorder. It's a cycle of self-judgment and negative self-talk that can ruin your self-esteem. If you're struggling with self-shaming, then this video is for you. I'll share with you tips on how to stop self-shaming and overcome BPD.

Those with BPD reported higher levels of early maladaptive schemas, characterological, behavioral and bodily shame, and were more prone to react with anxiety and anger than non-PD patients and HC subjects. Early maladaptive schema domains had specific associations with chronic shame and reaction types to social put-downs.

Chronic shame and anxious and angry reactions to social put-downs are prominent in patients with borderline personality disorder and are associated with specific early maladaptive schemas domains and with the symptoms of identity disturbance and stormy relationships.

Daniel J. Fox, Ph.D., is a licensed psychologist in Texas, international speaker, and a multi-award-winning author. He has been specializing in the treatment and assessment of individuals with personality disorders for over 20 years in the state and federal prison system, universities, and in private practice. His specialty areas include personality disorders, ethics, burnout prevention, and emotional intelligence.

He has published several articles in these areas and is the author of:

Complex Borderline Personality Disorder: How Coexisting Conditions Affect Your BPD and How You Can Gain Emotional Balance. Available at:

Thank you for your attention and I hope you enjoy my videos and find them helpful and subscribe. I always welcome topic suggestions and comments.
00:00 Introduction
00:13 self-shaming
04:23 BPD and body shaming
05:36 identity disturbance or unstable self-image
06:17 relationship problems and body shaming
09:10 early maladaptive schemas
09:26 Identifying early maladaptive schemas
10:49 mistrust and abuse
11:42 emotional deprivation
13:26 defectiveness and shame
15:37 dependence and incompetence
17:16 enmeshment and undeveloped self
18:35 unrelenting standards and hypocriticalness

[markusmeyer]

Self shaming and the feelings of shame are extreme and excessive in a person with BPD. They are overwhelmingly strong. So thank you for talking about the matter.

[Banana]

I don’t know if you get told this enough Dr. Fox but I appreciate all the work you put into your practice, how much you care for people with bpd and how many helpful resources you give to us to help ourselves. Also with lack of money it’s seriously such a help to us all. I recently bought your card deck and have been trying to work on that every night. Keep doing what you’re doing ❤

[Taylor-Crawford]

This is gonna be painfully difficult but I'm here for it because YOU Dr. Fox appear to be the only well-educated person on BPD on the planet. "Mental Health Treatment" nowadays is abhorrently inadequate insufficient and counterproductive.

[Nando_lifts]

When you become the brunt of jokes, sometimes you fire back. Stand up for yourself.

[SupaFro]

"Even Broken Crayons Still Color"
Wow, that one hit hard with inspiration

[VeronicaNicole]

I feel so grateful to be living in the day of YouTube because this kind of thing is so helpful to myself and I would be a lot worse off not having this daily help. There’s so many videos online nowadays that would’ve cost a lot of money to get the information back in the day. Thank you so so much!!!
Looking forward to this one, too!

[ulysvbk]

I was diagnosed a year ago although it is mild and manageable but this video showed up on my feed and it's been one of the hardest things to me to work on. My self doubt guilt and shame often take over it's so overwhelming, , thank you for this video

[carolineprenoveau]

About feeling incompetent. Many years ago, I wanted to move from my place (I was living with a roommate at the time). I found an apartment and I found friends to help me move. I did my absolute best to tell nobody so that my parents wouldn't know so they wouldn't come to help me. I wanted to do it by myself to prove to myself that I'm not a complete idiot and I can move by myself. I was very anxious and unsure of myself but I wanted to do it anyways. My parents still found out afterwards and wanted to help, and criticized my choices and my behavior. I know it may sound good that they wanted to help, but it really isn't. Help is supporting someone, not doing everything for them so they become crippled. I was angry that they came to help. I didn't ask them to. I felt invaded. I just wanted to do something completely on my own as an adult for christ sake.

[sassyslsgrl]

This channel has been such a huge part of my healing journey ❤️

[jennylynnculbertson]

I spend all day trying not to believe myself
I'm building the skills
❤

[gabrielavanderlinden]

You are a gift. I just bought your workbook, and just like your videos it is filled with empathy and compassion, and above all a resounding confidence that BPD is a disorder that can be overcome. I hope you know how many people you are helping, and how incredibly grateful each and every one of those people feel when they have the good luck to find you at the bottom of their darkest hole. Myself included. I have no doubt that your intelligence, kindness and generosity (so many videos!!) has made the critical difference in many desperate moments. Thank you Dr. Fox.

[Corndog]

I wish other pple in our lives understood this concept. No one wants to feel like this. It's very difficult

[zrcioct]

💕
I am so grateful that you can present information freely like this. I’ve brought two of your books and they’ve been a godsend to my life.

I realised I have abusers in my head, even though I may not be subjected to the same kind of abuse anymore doesn’t mean they don’t still live within my mind.
I feel pain in my chest everyday like lava simmering away, my emotional pain hurts so much it feels physical. I can’t pinpoint where this pain comes from but today I decided to note when my pain is worse, and now I am convinced this is in relation to my early maladaptive schemas and the thought loops I go through.
I have hope that when I work through this, my pain could lessen. I have hope. Thank you dr Daniel fox 💞

[patriciagss]

Doctor, I was diagnosed with bpd and bipolar. Losing a child is the most terrible feeling for anyone...but for me, as a borderline, it's been unbearable for years...my grief has lasted in such an intense feeling for almost 14 years. My daughter passed away when she was 14 at the end of 2009...I tried to commit suicide twice. I feared losing my daughter and it happened... I feared losibg my daughter even after my own dearh seeing her from the other side and being unable to avoid it...and it happened before me..I failed .. I can't find peace... thanks from Brazil ..

[brillent]

The best therapist I’ve watched so far

[uxtalzon]

Severe ("low-functioning") BPD here. I'm many bricks short of a wall when it comes to socializing. I was constantly evaluated as kid in school. Maybe they thought I was on the spectrum? I never understood or cared. My parents had low hopes about me for decades since. I think it's all normal, but everyone has been saying how concerned they are. I try to see it from their point of view.

The "I don't know" near the end is me. I keep getting told that I'm not "getting it", but I don't know what "it" is. 18:50 is very true, but life itself has standards and expectations, though. Everyone around me are sort of resigned that I may never be independent and live normally as most people do. Their concern now is how I'll keep on living like this at some sort of very diminished capacity. Without support, I'm destined for homelessness or something. I don't know. The days just keep passing.

I've been going through DBT for two years and I can tell the therapist and my family are beyond frustrated.

[geniebaby]

Dr. Fox, I'm really grateful that you have shared such a vast amount of resources online for people who struggle to get help otherwise. You easily gave me the tools to put myself in a better place mentally. I'm still growing and learning everyday, but without the compassion and knowledge you share on your channel and in your book, I don't know how long it would have taken me to get here. I feel so much better than I did a year ago, and I'm much stronger.

[diberg]

Thank you Dr. Fox. I have learned so much from you. Thankfully the LORD has provided a therapist for me that is able to help with core beliefs, trauma and dbt. Every time I listen to you I learn something about myself. Someone in my life taught me: uncover, discover, recover and that the process is experiential and incremental. Without talented, knowledgeable therapists with appropriate boundaries, those of us with bpd or traits would truly be without hope. Thank you, thank you, thank you for educating and extending hope to those of us that suffer. If it had not been for finding your videos on YouTube my realization of bpd traits would not have been possible. Believe me, I'm 60 and have been in and out of therapy my whole adult life. I'm grateful to have the opportunity to actually participate in healing. I'm blessed beyond measure that my children can watch as Mom gets to change and live life in a new way. It frees them, after all they grew up with a crazy me as their role model. Thank you again and keep putting this information out there. THERE IS HOPE AND HEALING!

[sarahrichmond]

watching this video makes me feel heard. thank you so much for all the work you do for BPD awareness, and explaining how we are victims of abuse. you are helping so many people, I hope you know that

[KatJst]

Dr Fox you're a lifesaver! I share your videos on a Facebook BPD support group.
I let people know BPD is not your identity. You can truly change your mind and change your life